Stream of conciousness:
Sometimes I wish things werent as difficult as they are and sometimes I wish I could rip other peoples hair out by the handfuls and sometimes I wish I could start over with the people I know and sometimes I wish I didnt know anyone at all and sometimes I feel like I want to sleep for the rest of my life and sometimes I sleep way past the time I am supposed to and sometimes I get in trouble for it and sometimes I just really dont care. Sometimes I wish I could stop all the clocks in the world from ticking, and then start them simultaneously would the sound of that delirious TICKTOCKING shake the world to its core? Sometimes I wish I wasnt beautiful in that car wreck sort of way and sometimes I think I am a complete disaster just waiting to fall apart and sometimes I imagine myself as being the most sincere and charming car wreck in the world. Sometimes I hate everyone and sometimes I feel like the only thing keeping me sane is everybody else. Sometimes I wish my bones would break as easily as my heart does and sometimes razor blades seem to be the best answers and sometimes I wish that people would pay attention to my bruises and sometimes Im glad that they just stare and sometimes I like to watch as their eyes widen as my scars are revealed and sometimes I am happy that they dont ask questions because sometimes I just dont have answers. Sometimes I wish that people would give me the credit that I sometimes think I deserve and sometimes I realize that no one knows enough about me to know what I deserve and sometimes regardless I wish that someone would tell me that I can do anything and sometimes I feel like I could touch the fucking sky and in the end no one would really care. Sometimes I know life would be easier if I didnt hate everyone as much as I do and sometimes Im glad that I hate everyone as much as I do because sometimes it saves me from heartbreak and sometimes I hate being close to people and sometimes caring too much about a person kills me and sometimes, no, always when I care about a person they throw it back in my face and sometimes I just cant handle that kind of rejection and sometimes I can but I hate it more than anything and sometimes its just not worth having cared for the person in the first place. Sometimes I like to cut myself just to see all of the blood come pouring out and sometimes I just need to be reminded that Im still alive, that I didnt die 2 years ago and Im still breathing, sometimes I just need to know Im still feeling. Sometimes I wish I was still as fucked up as I used to be because sometimes I miss having an excuse for being completely out of control and sometimes I wish I was still as tiny as I used to be because I miss my wirey frame and sometimes I look at high fashion magazines and haute couture and miss being an anorexic druggy because at least it made me feel pretty in a streotypical average trashy sort of way. Sometimes I use sarcasm as a coping mechanism and sometimes people dont understand me and sometimes people get offended and sometimes I like it when they do and sometimes Im sorry afterwards but dont care enough to say it and sometimes I dont understand myself and sometimes I dont even listen to the words that come out of my mouth. Sometimes memories of heartbreak can be more painful than the real thing and sometimes theres a trigger thats just begging to be pulled or a button to be pushed and sometimes it hurts more not to push it than to just get it over with and feel that vacant throb and sometimes it is easier just to cry and scream and tear everything to pieces than it is to hold it all inside and silently listen to your heart break. Sometimes I feel like there is absolutely nothing that actually matters and sometimes I feel like everything matters too much and sometimes I think that I am completely indifferent but sometimes I find myself crying for no reason because I care too much about things that dont matter at all and not enough about things that do. Sometimes I treat people like shit and sometimes, no, always they deserve it and sometimes I wish people could be nicer because sometimes I think that would make me nicer and sometimes I feel like I am a horrible person and sometimes people agree with me and sometimes they are right but they are always the ones who deserve to be treated like crap. And sometimes love just fucking hurts.
Sometimes I wish things werent as difficult as they are and sometimes I wish I could rip other peoples hair out by the handfuls and sometimes I wish I could start over with the people I know and sometimes I wish I didnt know anyone at all and sometimes I feel like I want to sleep for the rest of my life and sometimes I sleep way past the time I am supposed to and sometimes I get in trouble for it and sometimes I just really dont care. Sometimes I wish I could stop all the clocks in the world from ticking, and then start them simultaneously would the sound of that delirious TICKTOCKING shake the world to its core? Sometimes I wish I wasnt beautiful in that car wreck sort of way and sometimes I think I am a complete disaster just waiting to fall apart and sometimes I imagine myself as being the most sincere and charming car wreck in the world. Sometimes I hate everyone and sometimes I feel like the only thing keeping me sane is everybody else. Sometimes I wish my bones would break as easily as my heart does and sometimes razor blades seem to be the best answers and sometimes I wish that people would pay attention to my bruises and sometimes Im glad that they just stare and sometimes I like to watch as their eyes widen as my scars are revealed and sometimes I am happy that they dont ask questions because sometimes I just dont have answers. Sometimes I wish that people would give me the credit that I sometimes think I deserve and sometimes I realize that no one knows enough about me to know what I deserve and sometimes regardless I wish that someone would tell me that I can do anything and sometimes I feel like I could touch the fucking sky and in the end no one would really care. Sometimes I know life would be easier if I didnt hate everyone as much as I do and sometimes Im glad that I hate everyone as much as I do because sometimes it saves me from heartbreak and sometimes I hate being close to people and sometimes caring too much about a person kills me and sometimes, no, always when I care about a person they throw it back in my face and sometimes I just cant handle that kind of rejection and sometimes I can but I hate it more than anything and sometimes its just not worth having cared for the person in the first place. Sometimes I like to cut myself just to see all of the blood come pouring out and sometimes I just need to be reminded that Im still alive, that I didnt die 2 years ago and Im still breathing, sometimes I just need to know Im still feeling. Sometimes I wish I was still as fucked up as I used to be because sometimes I miss having an excuse for being completely out of control and sometimes I wish I was still as tiny as I used to be because I miss my wirey frame and sometimes I look at high fashion magazines and haute couture and miss being an anorexic druggy because at least it made me feel pretty in a streotypical average trashy sort of way. Sometimes I use sarcasm as a coping mechanism and sometimes people dont understand me and sometimes people get offended and sometimes I like it when they do and sometimes Im sorry afterwards but dont care enough to say it and sometimes I dont understand myself and sometimes I dont even listen to the words that come out of my mouth. Sometimes memories of heartbreak can be more painful than the real thing and sometimes theres a trigger thats just begging to be pulled or a button to be pushed and sometimes it hurts more not to push it than to just get it over with and feel that vacant throb and sometimes it is easier just to cry and scream and tear everything to pieces than it is to hold it all inside and silently listen to your heart break. Sometimes I feel like there is absolutely nothing that actually matters and sometimes I feel like everything matters too much and sometimes I think that I am completely indifferent but sometimes I find myself crying for no reason because I care too much about things that dont matter at all and not enough about things that do. Sometimes I treat people like shit and sometimes, no, always they deserve it and sometimes I wish people could be nicer because sometimes I think that would make me nicer and sometimes I feel like I am a horrible person and sometimes people agree with me and sometimes they are right but they are always the ones who deserve to be treated like crap. And sometimes love just fucking hurts.
Have you ever heard something that made your heart ache so deeply that you'd rather rip it out than keep on feeling?
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