starisea

Man...I identify so much. Trying to find some grounding, now-ing kind of a thing, anchor, or cue. Remembering I'm doing the best I can and that it's not just an "excuse," but it's true. That's all one CAN do, by definition.

What do I with negative or toxic thought habits?

Well in recent months I've been getting better and actually effective in reining in my dark mental digressions. In the best analogy I can think of, I basically get off that horse, and ride another one that's positive. I can't be certain yet, but it can be done in a healthy way, and not in a way which promotes denial or it simply being refusing to confront the source of those toxic thought habits.

Not every toxic thought has some sort of source or root you need to confront. it can just be a bad habit. I'm a Scorpio Moon, which makes me emotionally...um...intense and 'challenging' Though usually you'd never see it.

The best example is when a totally random rude act of a stranger pisses me off intensely, and it can be just a little thing like...he steps on my toe or something. Or shit customer service. And the degree of my anger and rage is totally out of all proportion to the event. Then I end up brooding. That's not some sort of signal that I'm a troubled child. It just means I've always brooded over things unecessarily. So now I catch myself in the habit, take a breath or two and change horses.

But your dealing with wanting to change yourself. And for that, you need to get used to something that I have trouble with myself. And that's learning not to take yourself too seriously. You can't change easily when there is tension, and being hard on yourself on creates tension. To make a very blah analogy, it's easier to change the shape of a ball of putty, than a ball of steel.

There's benefits to this. When you learn that trick, you stop taking other people too seriously and have much more success dealing with negative or rude people.

[Edited on Apr 09, 2004 6:09AM]