stargirl17

went shopping this evening with my beautiful sister - had about three guys stop in their tracks to stare at her and this is her hippie style without any makeup. it was really fun though. i got a great new purse for $25 (a little cheaper than my old coach bag), a pair of cute little magenta keds (tennis shoes kind of) and two cheapie pairs of shoes from payless and then a cute bohemian skirt (cheapie) in bright kelly green, a tank top with sequins on it, two plain tanks for $6.50 each, and a little peach short-sleeved shrug all at wet seal. i know i should be saving my money or at least spending at urban so i can wear the clothes i sell but they're kinda expensive, even with my great discount. but on wedns. before work i am going to pick up a few things. i htink after losing another ten lbs. or so i deserve a little something extra. actually, i don't know how much i've lost. i've stopped weighing myself. but i've gone from the second hole on my belt to the last one in about three weeks or four weeks so that's probably about ten lbs. though they amke those cheap clothes so small!! i still need a large, which is fine, i expected that, but the size 11 skirt wouldn't creep up over my thighs and my thrift store find expensive brand name jeans that are size 14 are literally falling off of me. an 11 is supposed to be equal to a 12 and a 13 to a 14, so shouldn't i be wearing 11's? i don't understand, but the cheaper the clothes, the smaller it seems. went to delias and even my tiny sister needed a medium in a tank top and she's usually a small or extra-small.

eck. all this blather about shopping. i'm sorry but it's been about 4 months since i've been shopping - at least four months since i've been shopping and have been willing to try on clothing in dressing rooms and not cry. no more like 8 months since i could try on clothes and not cry. i know it's pathetic and there are much worse things in the world but try goign from weighing a really muscular 130 lbs. all your adult life to suddenly ballooning up to 203 lbs. in a matter of a year or two and the doctors keep changing my meds and shrugging their shoulders. i have petite bone structure and cannot carry all this weight. finally they put me on topamax and the weight is literally falling off me and the real me is slowly emerging from beneath all these layers of fatness. i don't want to be tiny again and have that perfect body, thought htat would be nice, but i do want to be much thinner and have a flat tummy again. one that i'm proud of. then, when i am proud of my body again, i will find a photographer - a good one - and get some quality photos taken and send them in to SG and hopefully become a SG. i'm done being fat and i've never been ugly and i have pretty good tattoos and a half-way decent personality besides being a bit shy and a bit quiet.

geez - from shopping to getting thin. somehow i always end up on getting thin. i just want to be healthy for my bone structure because i already have bad knees from playing soccer and running cross country too long. it is about my appearance but it's more about my health. so there society! i may be fat right now but i'm still sexy, sometimes, and i still feel somewhat good about myself without starving myself or throwing my food up. i may be dieting but i still enjoy an icecream now and then. i think women (and men) can be beautiful at almost any size. either extremem can be un-sexy, but most body types can be drool-worthy with a little confidence. alcohol helps, too. j/k. i really love the human form, especially the femal form. it's a work of art - every one of is. so different yet all the same inside. ok, enough philosophy and getting all sappy. i won't let my spoiled plans for tonight bore everyone else's evening. come to the opening on wedns. if you want. i'm working 3 to close on the register but hopefully can switch with someone else and work women's clothing. ciao, adios, goodbye my friends and loyal companions.