stargirl17

well, i've really been looking forward to the upcoming scarification/ flesh removal but am starting to really get frightened. i do have most of my body tattooed and have had almost every piercing possible at one point or another and used to be a cutter but have heard that the pain from scarification is truly intense. in a way this also kind of intrigues me since i stopped cutting and i want to know if i can handle it. seems like i'm constantly pushing my limits and testing my self in various ways, which may not be good but at least i'm aware of it.

i still have no car as mine died so am currently homebound unless i can snag my boyfriend's boat of an automobile. oh well. god every time i see my face i realize how, well, ah, curvy i've gotten. i've already lost 25 lbs. but still need to zap the remaining 45 - 50 extra lbs. i've been working out like it's going out of style for the past three weeks and can already see results - maybe when i get back down to my old little size i will attempt, gasp!, to become a suicidegirl. one can only dream, though.

i'm supposed to get tattooed on thurs. afternoon but have absolutely no cash flow until the first of april, so there goes that. i'm getting started on my left sleeve - a bunch of japanese maple leaves floating around in wind swirals. just another bad thing to happen in the past week, but it does always seem that when things are going best something always happens and god just shits on you. at least, and for some reason unbeknowst to me, i'm in a decent mood. so tomorrow it's on to try to find a job to raise money for a new engine for my poor car and then start really budgeting to save up for my scarification - no more eating out!