My 4th of July was entirely more stressful than I wanted it to be. After working a long stretch at work, I wound up busting my butt on my days off at home cleaning the house from top to bottom. He hadn't accomplished much over his weekend off. We were to have houseguests for the first time- from his family. Although we are not slobs, papers tend to pile up, and pop cans and bottles tend to take over surfaces over time. Oh, and if we don't have our hamper in the bedroom, clothes wind up on the floor. 
Still, unlike my packrat of a Father's place, there is always plenty of space to walk around and sit. I did tons of laundry and dishes, scrubbed the hell out of the kitchen and bathroom, and policed up and vacuumed the living room. My guy helped me clean up the office/guest room and did most of the work in the bedroom. Still, I was feeling a little put upon doing that much of the work myself when it was HIS family that were going to be in town. He was feeling very stressed as well, and was more sharply critical than usual of the things I was trying to do around the house. I knew why he was acting that way- whenever his paternal grandparents show up, the whole family flies into panic mode. His grandfather is a notoriously controlling person with an anger management problem who enjoys nosing into his family's lives and telling them what to do. And they'd best not disagree with him! 
We went over to his parent's place when his siblings came in. His sister, her husband, their twin 2 year old girls, their 15 month old son, and 3 month old puppy (which was not catching on to the whole housetraining thing) drove to Iowa from North Carolina. I would have had a nervous breakdown being on a road trip like that with three small children. No wonder the woman has migraines. His brother, sister-in-law, and their 4 month old daughter drove in from the Chicago area. Unfortunately, the relatively new mom was fresh from a gallbladder surgery only 12 hours before. She was in a lot of pain. I told her she was a lot tougher than I'd ever try to be. Their infant girl was tired and fussy, and I wound up holding her. After some time doing the standing-rock with her, she conked out for me.
We went to the big BBQ at his parents place the next day. I walked in and found myself being stared at by a bunch of strangers I had never seen before while my guy took off to help watch over the grill. I introduced myself and promtly slunk away. No one really talked to me save for my man's siblings and their significant others. His sister's little boy- 15 months old- was teething. 4 teeth were coming in at the same time, and he was fussing and screaming alternately. His mom was busy helping play hostess, so I took him, rubbed his back, and rocked him until he finally fell asleep. We left him sleeping and went on with the eating. My boyfriend's brother finally took mercy on me and told me who everyone was so I didn't feel so lost in the sea of strangers. We headed home afterwards and put the finishing touch on the house before my guy's maternal grandmother and step-granddad joined us for the night. The two of us had a talk that night about how stressed we had both been over the last week, and how I had felt. It all came to a head over a gallon of milk.
Everyone came over to our place the next night to watch the fireworks that were to be set off from the fairground practically right across the street from us. The twin girls were running around in the front lawn and charming the neighbors. The little ones loved the fireworks. The 15 month old boy was again sitting in my lap, and bounced and flapped his arms excitedly with each display.
My guy and I left early to go with his sister and brother-in-law for an overnight trip to Milwaukee, WI and back. His brother-in-law needed to get back to work in NC, and was flying out of the Milwaukee to get there. The brother-in-law drove half of the way up (I was in fear for my life the entire time!
), and my guy's sister took the rest of that leg. My man and I went along so she wouldn't have to make the 5 plus hour drive back on her own with little to no sleep. The conversation was interesting. He is an ordained minister, she a preacher's wife, and they are very conservative. We are not, and the fact that we don't go to church has been becoming more of an issue in his family. At one point on our way back, (I drove the last half of the way back) she turned to me, and asked me directly "Do you drink?" I was taken aback, but was willing to give her enough respect to answer her truthfully. Yes, I do. Occasionally. She practically gasped, and her next comment was that it was just her thing, but she would never leave her children with people who had alcohol in their fridge. So I guess I'm off babysitting duty. My man was very gutsy during this exchange and said not a word to either back me up, or incriminate himself.
Needless to say, I was relieved to be able to avoid them when I went back to work. Aparrently, my guy couldn't. The other day, he had a "meeting" with his paternal grandfather- supposedly over lunch while I was home asleep. It was primarily to take a bite out of him over various subjects. One was the fact that he and I don't go to church, and are tainting the family image. He claimed that my boyfriend had been "disrespectful and foul-mouthed" in a recent meeting at our house with the pastor of the family church- my boyfriend met with said pastor the next day and was assured that those were not the man's experience with him in any way, shape, or form. So that was an outrigt lie to try and make him feel guilty. Another point was that we are living in "adultery" and he needed to "do the right thing" by me if he truly loved me. My guy told me later his grandpa really needed to get his terms straight. Neither of us are or were at any point married. We are fornicators. It was also mentioned that getting involved with someone like me, that didn't go to church, would only drag him down further. Evidently, that was a hot-button issue for my guy, who vociferously corrected that assumption. I guess they wound up getting into a shouting match in the parking lot of an Electrician's service.
The next day, while making love, my guy popped the question. I was suspicious that a guilt trip may have been laid on him for "living in sin" with me for so long without asking me to marry him. I asked him why he was asking... was it because he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, or was it because his family was pressuring him? He hesitated and then said, "A little bit of both." I said "How about we wait until it's a little more of the former?" He almost seemed relieved. Lol!
Needless to say, I'm glad the last of these family members are going to be leaving today for destinations thousands of miles away. I don't like being weighed, judged and found wanting because of assumptions that are made before people even get to know me. There are a lot of flaming hoops members of his family have for me to jump through (going to church, getting married, quitting drinking, etc.) that I'm sure they will be angry when they learn I have no intention of playing that game with them. I know I'm a good person as I am right at this moment. I know I am a long way from perfect,. However, I will only change only when I am good and ready. I fell in love with this man because of his heart, his generosity, and his fierce loyalty. It breaks my heart that his family is too busy pointing out what he's not that they don't see the amazing person he is. I guess that could be why he still isn't convinced I won't leave him. He's never experienced unconditional love and acceptance before, and he just can't wrap his head around the fact that no matter the rough patches we go through, I'm never giving up on him. Ever.
Still, unlike my packrat of a Father's place, there is always plenty of space to walk around and sit. I did tons of laundry and dishes, scrubbed the hell out of the kitchen and bathroom, and policed up and vacuumed the living room. My guy helped me clean up the office/guest room and did most of the work in the bedroom. Still, I was feeling a little put upon doing that much of the work myself when it was HIS family that were going to be in town. He was feeling very stressed as well, and was more sharply critical than usual of the things I was trying to do around the house. I knew why he was acting that way- whenever his paternal grandparents show up, the whole family flies into panic mode. His grandfather is a notoriously controlling person with an anger management problem who enjoys nosing into his family's lives and telling them what to do. And they'd best not disagree with him! We went over to his parent's place when his siblings came in. His sister, her husband, their twin 2 year old girls, their 15 month old son, and 3 month old puppy (which was not catching on to the whole housetraining thing) drove to Iowa from North Carolina. I would have had a nervous breakdown being on a road trip like that with three small children. No wonder the woman has migraines. His brother, sister-in-law, and their 4 month old daughter drove in from the Chicago area. Unfortunately, the relatively new mom was fresh from a gallbladder surgery only 12 hours before. She was in a lot of pain. I told her she was a lot tougher than I'd ever try to be. Their infant girl was tired and fussy, and I wound up holding her. After some time doing the standing-rock with her, she conked out for me.
We went to the big BBQ at his parents place the next day. I walked in and found myself being stared at by a bunch of strangers I had never seen before while my guy took off to help watch over the grill. I introduced myself and promtly slunk away. No one really talked to me save for my man's siblings and their significant others. His sister's little boy- 15 months old- was teething. 4 teeth were coming in at the same time, and he was fussing and screaming alternately. His mom was busy helping play hostess, so I took him, rubbed his back, and rocked him until he finally fell asleep. We left him sleeping and went on with the eating. My boyfriend's brother finally took mercy on me and told me who everyone was so I didn't feel so lost in the sea of strangers. We headed home afterwards and put the finishing touch on the house before my guy's maternal grandmother and step-granddad joined us for the night. The two of us had a talk that night about how stressed we had both been over the last week, and how I had felt. It all came to a head over a gallon of milk.
Everyone came over to our place the next night to watch the fireworks that were to be set off from the fairground practically right across the street from us. The twin girls were running around in the front lawn and charming the neighbors. The little ones loved the fireworks. The 15 month old boy was again sitting in my lap, and bounced and flapped his arms excitedly with each display.
My guy and I left early to go with his sister and brother-in-law for an overnight trip to Milwaukee, WI and back. His brother-in-law needed to get back to work in NC, and was flying out of the Milwaukee to get there. The brother-in-law drove half of the way up (I was in fear for my life the entire time!
), and my guy's sister took the rest of that leg. My man and I went along so she wouldn't have to make the 5 plus hour drive back on her own with little to no sleep. The conversation was interesting. He is an ordained minister, she a preacher's wife, and they are very conservative. We are not, and the fact that we don't go to church has been becoming more of an issue in his family. At one point on our way back, (I drove the last half of the way back) she turned to me, and asked me directly "Do you drink?" I was taken aback, but was willing to give her enough respect to answer her truthfully. Yes, I do. Occasionally. She practically gasped, and her next comment was that it was just her thing, but she would never leave her children with people who had alcohol in their fridge. So I guess I'm off babysitting duty. My man was very gutsy during this exchange and said not a word to either back me up, or incriminate himself.Needless to say, I was relieved to be able to avoid them when I went back to work. Aparrently, my guy couldn't. The other day, he had a "meeting" with his paternal grandfather- supposedly over lunch while I was home asleep. It was primarily to take a bite out of him over various subjects. One was the fact that he and I don't go to church, and are tainting the family image. He claimed that my boyfriend had been "disrespectful and foul-mouthed" in a recent meeting at our house with the pastor of the family church- my boyfriend met with said pastor the next day and was assured that those were not the man's experience with him in any way, shape, or form. So that was an outrigt lie to try and make him feel guilty. Another point was that we are living in "adultery" and he needed to "do the right thing" by me if he truly loved me. My guy told me later his grandpa really needed to get his terms straight. Neither of us are or were at any point married. We are fornicators.
It was also mentioned that getting involved with someone like me, that didn't go to church, would only drag him down further. Evidently, that was a hot-button issue for my guy, who vociferously corrected that assumption. I guess they wound up getting into a shouting match in the parking lot of an Electrician's service. The next day, while making love, my guy popped the question. I was suspicious that a guilt trip may have been laid on him for "living in sin" with me for so long without asking me to marry him. I asked him why he was asking... was it because he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, or was it because his family was pressuring him? He hesitated and then said, "A little bit of both." I said "How about we wait until it's a little more of the former?" He almost seemed relieved. Lol!
Needless to say, I'm glad the last of these family members are going to be leaving today for destinations thousands of miles away. I don't like being weighed, judged and found wanting because of assumptions that are made before people even get to know me. There are a lot of flaming hoops members of his family have for me to jump through (going to church, getting married, quitting drinking, etc.) that I'm sure they will be angry when they learn I have no intention of playing that game with them. I know I'm a good person as I am right at this moment. I know I am a long way from perfect,. However, I will only change only when I am good and ready. I fell in love with this man because of his heart, his generosity, and his fierce loyalty. It breaks my heart that his family is too busy pointing out what he's not that they don't see the amazing person he is. I guess that could be why he still isn't convinced I won't leave him. He's never experienced unconditional love and acceptance before, and he just can't wrap his head around the fact that no matter the rough patches we go through, I'm never giving up on him. Ever.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
I guess you can be thankful that it is only his extended family that is such a bad trip. And you and he seem to be doing great, right? That's what's most important.
My tattoo came out ever better than I hoped. It's a bit more elaborate, with more clouds and a misty background. I'll have to get a pic up as soon as it heals.
About the adult fun Hubby and I had. I was a bit reluctant about posting that. I don't make it a point of honor to fuck married women. But she is a nice lady, trapped in a relationship with a verbally abusive husband. I felt she deserved to have some of the fun she craved so badly.