stag

one day down, and the week is beginning to show signs it might actually end
still, i try not to get my hopes up...haha

i was thinking about it today, and it's really rather macabre. sitting at my desk, ticking down the seconds, minutes, and hours until the day is over. but i'm really just watching my life flitter away. i want the day to be over, but in doing so i'm wishing that i was one day closer to my eventual demise.

i used to think that i was immortal until proven otherwise. i guess that's still true, but i have come to terms with the rules that we are forced to play within in this reality.

what could i be doing with those minutes, though? i mean, i'm at work. i could be working, but anything done above and beyond the call of duty would be a waste until others caught up with me. it's like i'm paying my dues, or something weird. someone, somewhere wants me to be doing nothing except watching my time expire. this disturbs me most of all.

who gets everything out of their lives? anyone? someone living outside the system? someone like Mark Cuban or Richard Branson? is being a rich idiot somehow more fulfilling than working hard your whole life?

i think maybe i need to think hard and come up with my own thoughts on what a life not wasted looks like, rather than worry about someone else's ideal. until then, i sit and watch the clock, in what essentially amounts to being dismayed that i am not yet dead.