ssabo

kenra called... i've got to head up there to get some paperwork then head over to urinealysis on 17th and post... figure i'll make a day out of it and hit the y up.. i've got a specific goal im forcing myself to reach before i restart jujitsu... just one of those things to prove to myself im not just wasting time and money... x number of pullups x number of situps.. and a specific three mile run time.... by the end of the year i want a perfect pft... something i've never had... but i know i can reach it.. i've never really tried for it..... 3 miles in 18 minutes will be cake to reach.. situps will be cake.... pullups however... that'll take some work.. 20 deadhang isn't a fucking joke... i can drop weight and cheat.. but i really just dont want to fucking do that.... im hoping i can build my arm and back muscles to the point where i can alternate threwout.. never been able to do that... i've never had the back muscles... wide armed pullups are a bitch unless your girlish skinny or you've got crazy back muscles

im running every day now.. im hoping to turn it to twice a day... runnings never been a problem for me... i don't smoke and i don't quit... so running will always be cake.. to get the time i want just means i'll have to run more and more... they say you have to run 4 times a week just to maintain where you are right now... anything more is improving you... i have a hard time running on the weekends... but that's going to change.....

after i finish up my homework im going to be taking my computer offline.... i'm seeing myself turn into one of these midwest kids and im not having it.. depression, midnight snacks, and hours on the computer isn't what im about.... i enjoy waking up before the sun raises.... and i like having shit to do... my boredom is constantly leading to this fucking machine... which in itself is fucking boring....

i'll still check all my shit and update my sg... thats what schools for



flash i love you... but we've only got 14 hours to save the earth



i went downtown the other day... stayed up way late talking to my halfy.. so i skipped school.. got a fruitlatti and walked around... that indian girl spotted me and wanted to follow me about.... i didn't mind talking to her but her friends started popping up... and these kids were fucking losers.... nice bondage pants.... your 22? well some toothless fuck spied my tattoo from across the walk way.. and decided we were all chummy and decided to pop up next to me and follow me about scaring off the indian chick.. which i ws kinda happy about at first.. but then he wouldn't leave... i really am too nice.. i humored him.. talked to the kid..... he was a typical toothless indianapolis druggie kid.... i like icp and creed!.. thats great kid.... i get that i have this thing on my arm... i've never regretted having it until living about here... i mean fuck.. it's symbolic as to who i was.. not who i am... but fuck it.. more tattoos i get on this arm the less they'll stand out to others....

i got a call from neil while i was fucking around at circle center... it's a little strange.. he said spencers had a job opening.. usually i'd just act like i had something better to do.. but i really didn't... and if i got the job it would be jujitsu money.. or tattoo money.. either or...... i can't say it's an enviroment i'd like to work in.. i don't know the people but it seems pretty lax.. funny thing is i dont like working in lax enviroments... shits boring...

i filled my app out disgustingly.. didn't read a single thing...

i think i have some kind of social disposition



kenra doesn't start till may 5th? or something along those lines

good money.. or rather ok money... i know what i could be making if i stuck with the computer thing.. with my aplus cert i know i can go get a job right now for 16 and hour or higher.... so why would i rather work these shitty jobs? good question... truth is i just wanna be a normal college kid.. i don't want that carreer in i.t. ....those kids are fucking nerds.... im trying to stick to the positive actually doing something wth my life dealy.. volunteering and teaching.... what could be better?

well i saw grindhouse... overall i was impressed and surprised....

ok so we'll start with planet terror... we all know i have a hard on for bruce willis.. and zombies.. so it did it for me... only thing that really bothered me was the military uniforms... usually it's small fuck ups ya know?.. not this fucking time.. im talking marine corps desert digi bottoms and army un bottoned blouses... shit looked gross.. and they had on those generic skivvy shirts with the digi paterns on them instead of the green or brown ones... shit like that can ruin movies for me... bruce willis wearing a beret and a marine corps ring.... just doesn't make sense.... oh thats another thing.. ha that ring i lost in the taco bell.. two characters in planet terror wore it... small fucking world... i had the silver version though.. not much a gold type cat.....

everybodies talking all this stuff about me.. why don't they just let me live

overall the movie was good.. why couldn't they get a military advisor on that shit though.... .....i'll even overlook that rose is shooting people with her leg.. how is the bitch pulling the trigger? humor me.. atleast make an attempt to rap a wire around the 203 or 16 trigger... something for me.. but it was intresting regardless... i can lie to myself on that one.. but the uniforms.. you guys are fucking killing me... they look like ass

ok ... death proof.. i fealt.. i liked the dialogue.... typical quentin fashion.... i laughed a few times... overall it was a great experience....

went for a run after i got home.. around 2 in the morning.... i love running at night... streets are empty..... it was warm... i was rocking cadence in my head phones... i'd rather run in the mornings though.. i like starting off before the sun rises and half way threw watching the sun raise.. it gets my nut off... only thing is soooo many people are out and about... i dont like breathing exhaust in while im running



im hot.. sticky sweet.. from my head.. to my feet chyeaaaa



so we've got two dogs here now.. akida and a german sheppard.. the german sheppard isn't feeling it.. she's real sweet.. she loves people... but she's scared of fucking everything.. to the point where its annoying... i dont get these guys and there choices for dogs... "i want a guard dog" well you've got a quiet puppy and a way timid german sheppard..... personally i want strong dogs.. i could give a fuck less if they bark at those breaking in or not.. id prefer they just kill the intruder.... or atleast fuck the cat up.... your dogs.. just like your friends.. tell a lot about you..... i know pitt bulls is the cool thing to have now a days... i dont care... im not going to be showing them off... i want pitts ... short hair.. no shedding.. they have huge heads and crazy muscle mass.... dog chow and creatine is all mine will live off of



oh.. and ami is a skinhead... i had an idea he was.. i've seen him dressed up rocking braces... ...makes sense... saw him in a fred perry polo the other day... maybe he just likes the fashion? who knows if he loves ska or not.. id assume so........ i know he was in the israeli special forces.. what exacctly that consits of im not too sure.... i guess the kid was a sniper?





hang up the chick habit
hang it up, daddy,
or you'll be alone in a quick
hang up the chick habit
hang it up, daddy,
or you'll never get another fix

i'm telling you it's not a trick
pay attention, don't be thick
or you're liable to get licked

you're gonna see the reason why
when they're spitting in your eye
they'll be spitting in your eye

hang up the chick habit
hang it up, daddy,
a girl's not a tonic or a pill
hang up the chick habit
hang it up, daddy,
you're just jonesing for a spill

oh, how your bubble's gonna burst
when you meet another nurse
she'll be driving in a hearse

you're gonna need a heap of glue
when they all catch up with you
and they cut you up in two

now your ears are ringing
the birds have stopped their singing
everything is turning grey

no candy in your till
no cutie left to thrill
you're alone on a tuesday

hang up the chick habit
hang it up, daddy,
or you'll be alone in a quick
hang up the chick habit
hang it up, daddy,
or you'll never get another fix

i'm telling you it's not a trick
pay attention, don't be thick
or you're liable to get licked

you're gonna see the reason why
when they're spitting in your eye
they'll be spitting in your eye



Currently listening :
Chick Habit
By April March
Release date: By 27 October, 1995






.......condiments are weakness... plain and simple.. take it how it's given to you.. that ketchup, salt, and mustard.. to me.. is the same as whining... don't' complain.. take it.. eat it.... if the shits already on it.. that's cool.. but your excessive additives disgust and annoy me . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . salt is bad.... ...pepper is so-so .


......I day dream all the fucking time... it's to a problematic degree... I imagine what I would say in this situation.. or I start a sentence out loud and finish it my head.. it always starts out. "they couldn't believe that I...." then I get the day dream on. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

...I'm forever running ridiculous situation scenarios in my head.. if zombies do this I'll... if this kid says this ill...... if terrorists do this I'll....... I wish for the worse so that I really can do whatever it is I'm doing.......... constantly thinking.. constantly analyzing.. honestly it comes from those lil games we played in the Marine Corps... what if they.. what if you. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .



....I'm an absolute alpha male... I search out other alpha males in groups.. I butt heads with the cats to see if what their reppin is true... and I generally try to take their territory over.. whatever that territory maybe. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

.....I've got an amazing ego.. and I'm very fucking arrogant... sometimes abrasive.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .



....I blog a lot.. always have... I do it to remember.. not so much for you to read. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

.....I always carry a small log book and a pen..... there's always something to jot down.. always something to remember. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

.....I can't stand pencils.. fucking hate them.. especially in math.. that scratch sound is not attractive.. erasing looks gross.. smudged up.. rubber inhaled.. gross.. I like pens.. black ink pens.. blue ink doesn't fly . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
.....call it a pen or an ink stick.. don't call it an ink pen hate that.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .



........I love social situations... but sometimes I have an unreal fear of speaking... if it's new I'll be a little apprehensive.. but I'll conquer the conversation eventually.. just gotta kinda observe and make little mental notations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


......I wear contacts... I never remove them... well almost never.. I wish I took them out more... I know it's not good for me per say... but I feel like touching my eyes has to be worse for me. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .



...I'm a meat gazer... you throw it out there I'll size up and observe.... old guys in the ymca.... black dudes in the urinal right next to me... guy chatting it up with me while I'm showering.. I'm curious... ok you've been sized up... now back to eye contact.. you do it too.. so I don't wanna hear it. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


........I like bangs.. a lot.. they're cute... if I want to shave my head and rock my 9th grade foof bands I'll fucking do it.. I'd probably already be doing it if the growing the hair thing didn't annoy me so fucking much. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


.....I hate touching toilets... fucking hate it... why should I have to raise the seat.. cold ....wet porcelain.. I fucking hate it... sometimes I might use my foot if I'm rocking shoes.. but most of the time I'll use the sink... I can run water... there's no real splash back.. its not from a ridiculous height... houses should have public type urinals. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

.....I end sentences with 'guy" "kid" "boy" "girl" "cupcake" "punkin".... sometimes its meant to be cute.. usually its a minor put down... something meant to knock you down a bit.... its under the table type of rude. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


....Ben Sherman... Fred Perry. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
..........I'll size you up from the get go.. body language is a huge indicator.. stand up straight.. and spread yourself out... take up space... don't have good but leaning posture.... tuck your chin abit... don't want a knock out... the way you walk... your facial movements.. I pay attention.. and I defiantly judge you on it. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

....I'm very prejudice.. I see you.. I have instant thoughts... and unless you go above and beyond to prove me wrong.. I'm pretty much going to stick with my thoughts... I'm not a fucking racist.. I joke... I'll take as much as I give.. I can't stand the words "blacks or whites" hate that shit.. it annoys me.. black guys.. white guys.. that's gravy .. but "blacks" for some reason it rubs me the wrong way. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
.....I like it when ghetto girls touch my tattoos.... it's kinda cute... did that hurt? what's this mean? ... twisting my arm and what not.. whatever it's cute.... I don't like dudes doing it.... I don't want to see your prison work showcase.. don't compare and contrast with me.. I like mine.. you like yours.. that's cool.. but I'm not into the whole whose got better ink thing... I'm kinda a tattoo snob and truth is.. I know what that means.. yea.. that lil thing you're wearing in that spot... I know what its from.... what its suppose to mean... and blah blah odds are your not so savvy with it... .....yea I got nautical stars... they really are cute... its not just filler for me... they don't mean something specifically to me.. they mean something specific.. there's a fucking difference. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

..........I don't like guys without calluses... shake my hand firm... better be fucking rough... feet should be clean and tidy but calloused. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .



.....I'm pretty much an elitist... I'm also a fucking naturalist.... your religion is great... whatever it may be.. but don't force it on me... I don't care that much.. I'll be respectful however.. I might even attend with you... I'll take what I want from it. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

......I know what I want tattooed.. It's like that for a reason.. you can offer your thoughts or advice.. but odds are I'm not hearing it... I'll tip you good.. I'll make for some amazing conversation while your stabbing it in... but don't just up and wing it your way. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

......I can't stand metro sexuals.... have some self confidence in what you wear and how you look.. defiantly.. but if your a fucking girl with it.. I can't stand it... metrosexuals really do gross me out... ...you shake my hand with your lil noodle smooth hands... your shirt is too tight and your eyebrows are tweezed professionally... you go to a tanning bed.. I'm grossed out. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

.......I'm not into people that smoke around me... if you smoke.. I'm not so much for it but ....fuck don't do it in the car with me... I hate how your house smells.. it really is grotesque to me... I feel sick being around it.. my stomach hurts.. my throat hurts... my clothes stink... I get smokers don't realize it all.. they aren't doing the shit on purpose... but to us with our senses still intact.. you really do smell god awful. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


.....I can deal with a drink here and there... but those that party.. it's not my thing.. do it on your own.. but don't drag me with you... once a month I can deal with.. every weekend? you need to throw up every fucking weekend?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

....I drink twice a year on average.... that's enough fro me... I can't stand girls that get into bar fights ... if we hit up a bar and everyone knows your name.. that just seems fucking sad to me. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

........I've got no tolerance fro drugs... in the Midwest especially drugs are a constant norm... your bored.. your chubby and your depressed... there isn't much to do.. I know this... but for myself.. the drama and laziness that comes with drugs.. I just choose not to deal with.. its your life... do what you will.. just don't put me in an awkward fucking situation where I'm going to lose respect for you.... if your still trying to score some weed when your 30... that's so beyond sad... I just.. I can't articulate how sad that is to me. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

.......I don't like hippies... get a fucking hair cut.. show some restraint.. you wanna fight for a cause I'm all for that.. you want to get political I'm a huge supporter.. but if you want to just fuck around with drugs.. fuck each other.. and listen to shitty music.. I'm not feelin it. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

........ even if I'm right on with the shit I think about you... or I say about you.. don't let me know it... it'll get my head big. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

....your tribal looks like shit.....your tramp stamp is gross........your tramp stamp colored tribal is too fucking gross to express in mere words alone . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


.....I enjoy living in institutions.. I love uniforms.. cafeteria food.. and a chain of command ...... I could spend the rest of my life in an institution feeling nothing but happy. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
......I'm dating you because I like you.... or I got peer pressured into it.. either way.. don't become me... you rub off on me.. I rub off on you.. that's cool.. that's cute.. but don't fucking become me.. don't get my tattoos... don't dress like me..... just be you. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

.....tattoos have always been for military or criminals.... I'll tack on artists, punks, travelers, thugs, and warrior types... but all in all.. I still feel like they fall into those two categories. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

........I'm charming.. I really am.. I'm pretty witty ... or I have my moments. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


......I love walking... and I love riding the bus... and I do mean LOVE... always have always will... no matter where I am ... its very enjoyable to me... I like the process of getting where I'm going.. I want it to take awhile.. maybe even be a little painful for me... it makes the commitment solid.. if I have to hop a few buses to get to school... I'm going to take school more seriously.. ....I'd rather have a date that involved riding the bus together there and back.. than I would picking up or getting picked up... I've got a license... I think driving is an important skill to have and all.... but I'm not too concerned with it.. I'm not 16 looking to spread my wings.. material possessions hold me down.. they don't make me feel free. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

...Raphael is my favorite ninja turtle... tough guy.. smart ass.... and red. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

....I love sailor jerry art... sailor jerry flash is beautiful to me... and I love sailor jerry tattoos. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .



.....I'm defiantly very judgmental.... I have my opinions and I'm pretty much going to stick by them... you have to be pretty fucking amazing to move me to another side.. it's happened though.. I'm not too big to see my own faults... I know my vices and issues.... I'm doing what I can to change the shit.... I see all of your faults.. and I know your not doing anything to change yours. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

.....I'm not a big fan of your stretched lobes... some people it looks cool on ... I don't dig the cheese smell.. on dudes it doesn't matter.. but I really don't like the shit on girls. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...

....I have a hard time saying no to girls.. I can't help but to be sweet to girls... I'll go out of my way to help them.. I've got a thing for saving people. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .



....I love the color red. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


......confrontation is important... if your a guy.. don't' die without ever getting into a fight.... everyone should break a bone.. everyone needs scars.... and all men should at one point in time.. get in a fight. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .




.......I deal in absolutes.. I get it's the path to the dark side.. and it's considered "flawed logic" ... but it's either fucking right or its not.. odds are your too close to the situation to judge it.. or your not looking at it in the right light.... there are always easy answers... it's always your fault.. you got yourself there.. you've dug in to deep to leave unscarred.. so get fucking scarred.. man up. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..
.....your mate and your friends show exactly who you are.... you are who you associate with.. It's the truth... if they're weak.. you're weak... I associate with weak people... but I don't associate with weak people... I give them a helping hand... I do what I can to help them improve their lives.. but I don't embrace them as an equal.... I've embraced FEW people as my equal... don't' get me wrong.. I'm not fucking perfect.. I see those better than me.. and I strive to be like them. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

......I'm a procrastinator.. and I love stacking the odds against myself.. I'll fuck off all semester .. let you know I'm smart.. give you a taste.. and dig myself in a hole... I'll climb out of that shit in the end and hit that above and beyond mark. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .




........every time I hear someone ask me or anyone .. "what does that tattoo mean? what does it stand for" I instantly flash back to sitting in the studio with my sister Amanda... she said.. it means I'm cooler than you.. it's simple.. but it's fucking funny.. and kinda true. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

........marines have instant respect, love, and hate from me... army-navy-air force-cops get a small amount of recognition from me... but honestly.. I don't respect you simply because of your "accomplishment" ... it's not the same... infantry marines have my heart. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .


.........don't sleep with me on the first...second...third...or forth date.. I wont respect you.... sex will ruin a relationship if it doesn't have a good base.. it can ruin it even if it does... if I see you as a sexual object and nothing more.. the relationship is doomed. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
.....sometimes I manscape. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

......I love kids. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

...I never forget. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

.........my mother and my sisters are my world.. I love them... don't agree with everything any of them do... but family is the only thing that is actual and real to me. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .......


I'm not a hate monger just because I dislike you...
I don't care what your race or sexual orientation is.. I do hate the way you talk and carry yourself....
me hating you is because I hate you... not because of what you are. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

.........I love brotherhood and camaraderie..... jujitsu.. brig.. marines.... I love it. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
....respect is everything to me... give it to me.. I'll give it back.. I know i rate it. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

.......I'm not dating.. I don't want to be... I don't want to be that guy that bounces from relationship to relationship... I don't need that trophy girl... I've got no need for arm candy..... I want girls that are friends... but truth is that's not so easy to have.............................................