We're fighting right now, and it's bad. Real bad.
Last night, I got the "Oh I'm too tired for sex" line, and went to bed with minimal protest. For me, anyway. So I wake up this morning to find him still logged in, having stayed up well past 1 AM to watch cams and look at the "dicks and pussy" album and looking at profiles on ratemyfaceadult. What the FUCK?? I mean, hi, you have the real thing less than 2 feet away. And why wait til I go to sleep, hide it from me?
So I ran out of gas today and he had to leave work to come get me. I brought it up to him in the car, which probably wasn't the best time, and he flipped out. I mean, threw five dollars at me and screamed "Fuck you" at me, and got out of the car. I went after him, and he was like "fuck you, you spy on me and you don't even know what you're talking about. fuck you, i don't want to talk to you."
I know it's wrong to "check up on him", but he makes it so easy. And I don't know if I trust him. It's so hard to sometimes. I can say "please don't do things behind mjy back, just tell me" until I'm blue in the face, but it doesn't mean anything. I guess it's what0 I deserve. I just don't understand why I have to suffer for my sins, I'm the one who has to sit home weeping and wondering if he's going to come home, but it's absolutely fine that he can go off to work and not feel guilty at all, about anything, and have the luxury of being mad at me.
And will we talk about it when we both calm down? No, of course not. And on the off-chance that we do, it won't solve anything, and a month from now we'll be sitting here fighting about the same thing. Nothing ever changes.
I can't believe I'm sitting here, married 2 months, bawling my eyes out over this. I mean, I know I'm fat and ugly and useless, but I thought I had longer before he noticed. I'm supposed to start school tonight, on top of everything else. Great. Just fantastic.
Last night, I got the "Oh I'm too tired for sex" line, and went to bed with minimal protest. For me, anyway. So I wake up this morning to find him still logged in, having stayed up well past 1 AM to watch cams and look at the "dicks and pussy" album and looking at profiles on ratemyfaceadult. What the FUCK?? I mean, hi, you have the real thing less than 2 feet away. And why wait til I go to sleep, hide it from me?
So I ran out of gas today and he had to leave work to come get me. I brought it up to him in the car, which probably wasn't the best time, and he flipped out. I mean, threw five dollars at me and screamed "Fuck you" at me, and got out of the car. I went after him, and he was like "fuck you, you spy on me and you don't even know what you're talking about. fuck you, i don't want to talk to you."
I know it's wrong to "check up on him", but he makes it so easy. And I don't know if I trust him. It's so hard to sometimes. I can say "please don't do things behind mjy back, just tell me" until I'm blue in the face, but it doesn't mean anything. I guess it's what0 I deserve. I just don't understand why I have to suffer for my sins, I'm the one who has to sit home weeping and wondering if he's going to come home, but it's absolutely fine that he can go off to work and not feel guilty at all, about anything, and have the luxury of being mad at me.
And will we talk about it when we both calm down? No, of course not. And on the off-chance that we do, it won't solve anything, and a month from now we'll be sitting here fighting about the same thing. Nothing ever changes.
I can't believe I'm sitting here, married 2 months, bawling my eyes out over this. I mean, I know I'm fat and ugly and useless, but I thought I had longer before he noticed. I'm supposed to start school tonight, on top of everything else. Great. Just fantastic.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
Nobody likes being snooped on, male or female. I never listen to my girlfriend cell phone messages or check out where she has been surfing on he 'net. I tell her that I look at porn occasionaly, but I would not want her snooping top far into that. Sometimes I want to look at women who are not like her, or read stories that invove things that she isnt onto, but to tell her that I like to look at skinny dark haired girld giving blowjobs would not be good for anybody. I dont want to leave her (or have an affair with) a skinny dark haired girl that gives head, I just like to fantasize about it.
OTOH, you husband has responsabilities to you that include being your only sexual partner, and your partner and moral support. Having a baby is hard on your body and spirit. It is his job to love you and tell you that your beautiful and wonderfull and how much he appreciates the sacrifices that you have made having a baby with him.
He also needs to control his temper. If he had said, "Honey it makes me feel crepy when you look at where I surf" Instead of "fuck you" he probably would have gotten a lot further.
In our house morning (when my son isnt home) are our "relationship" times. no 'net, no newspaper reading just talking and cuddleing and occasionaly sex. Maybe you should ask for some of that- a time that works with your schedaule where it is all about connecting.
Jen used to do this thing that drove me nuts, where she woudl say that she wanted to spend time with me and then do the crosswords by herself. It made me incredably upset because I felt like a lap dog. We canceled our daily paper subscription and took care of that problem.
We are going to try and do counseling pretty soon too, becaus eovertime relationships devlope bad habits that need fine tuning. So I agree that is the way to go. I would add that breaking up with the father of your child is a big deal, and it leads to its own set of pains and heartaches. As a non custodial parent, I would not advise accept as a lat resort.
Thats my opinion anyway. Ill put my flame retardent suit on now.