spritely

It's Friday!!

Usually I am really happy on Friday's because Mr. B will be home with me. I am not sure how I feel about this Friday or this weekend. I am going back to MA. to see friends and family. I have not been back since I left at the end of July. Things are REALLY bad with my family and I am not sure if I can handle it. I am so afraid if I go there I will fly of the handle and really bad shit will happen. Maybe that is what needs to happen to help things get better. My Mom is so miserable. Every time I call I can hear it in her voice. It makes me not want to call, but I have to, she is my Mom and I feel like I owe it to her for some reason. She is always saying how she should just kill herself. I know she is not serious, well there is maybe 10% of her that I think is serious. It scares me. My brother is going to be the death of her. If she ever did do something to herself or if she had a heart attack or something it would totally be his fault. I really hate him. I am beyond feeling bad for him. I don't know if I can face him and her together and not do something. I am going to try my best to stay away. I am going to ask friends if I can crash at their houses instead, but I also know that will really hurt my Mom cause she really wants to see me. I figured I can go there tomorrow morning and take her and my Grandmother out to breakfast. That would be nice. I am so unsure about this whole thing. I am sure I will be fine.

Tomorrow night should be fun. It is my friend Cindy's birthday. We are going to a bowling alley/arcade for her b'day. I really want to see her. I miss her. There will be people there I might not want to see, but it will be okay. I think I will have a good time. I will be the only sober one there, so it might be funny. I am coming home on Sunday. I am already looking forward to that! I will miss Mr. B SOOOO much. I already miss him and I haven't even left yet.

I have come to realize lately that I have some rather self centered friends. I am not sure if I should tell them this or not. It seems like maybe they need to know so they can change that, if they want to. I don't want to be the one to tell them though. I am a wussy.

I have decided I am going to delete a bunch of my friends from my list. I know I don't have that many but if I don't talk to the people on there through emails or blogs then there really is no point of having them around. I don't dislike anyone, it is just that I decided when I came back here that if I friended someone they had to be someone I would get to know and be friends with, not just someone on my list. You know? I will do this now or a little later. Not sure yet. If you got deleted, I am sorry if you didn't want to be, and if you want to come back talk to me. I also hate that I miss people I talk to blogs. They don't show up when there are so many people on your list. I always feel bad when I miss one. I don't like feeling bad!!

Thanks for reading all this!! I didn't mean to vent so much.

I really like this song, and it is fun to play on guitar hero.


This is not the real video but this one works.

There are the lyrics for those who want to know what they are.

There is love burning to find you
Will you wait for me?

Still I want
And still I ache
But still I wait
To see you again

Have a wonderful weekend my friends!!!