:: Checks Date and Time ::
Ok - little while is over. I'm not an addict, honest.
Somewhere between exit 47 and 46 (eastbound) there is a service plaza. If you had been searching for a leather-clad dragon during the dark hours of this morning ~ there, in the rain, in a Myst Cricket ~ you might have spied her taking a nap.
I'm a beast who can occasionally sense when someone else needs to have the last word. I don't like to allow people to have it ~ but I have learned to bite my tongue. Even if I have a spotlight stealing story to top it ... I know better than to upstage anyone. For instance: If someone I work with is complaining because they only got 3 hours of sleep ... I try not to point out to them that I only had 1. Personally - not sleeping enough isn't worth complaining about most times ~ but if their lack of sleep = a crisis in their lives who am I to say "Someone has it worse"? It is not a crisis in mine.
That said - it also means that if someone I know has it worse than I do, I don't complain at all. If I only got 1 hour of sleep and call that a crisis ~ I wont say a thing if I know someone else in the room got no sleep at all. I won't complain about the road my life is taking me down if I know someone close to me is suffering worse than I.
Two new friends in my life - who have quickly become the center of my life and the seat of my passion - are going through a mental and emotional hell which is taking a toll physically. Because they are neck deep in some very trying times ~ I feel it rude to complain about my own physical, mental and emotional status. For them, while it has had some ups and downs, has been pretty stable in a hard low flat downer. Really ~ it sucks. However ... I have suffered with Bipolar (Manic Depression) and I know what the roller-coaster feels like. I have been riding a mental / emotional rollercoaster where each high, and each low - they spike, the drops are steep, the speed is intense ~ and I KNOW it has nothing to do with being bi-polar. I can feel that. The tensions have most definatly taken tolls on me physically.
The roller coaster ~ well yeah, it does have a big part tied into these 2 friends who have become my life. I would do anything to see that I do not take them down further than where they already are .... and I pray for the strength to lift them up; and just to be there when they need me wherever they are.
This weekend has been especially / \ / \ / \ ... and I am getting so exausted from it that an up or down can easily be triggered just by showing up or a single sentance. I was drained when I had to leave and return to my cave. "I have to make it back." That was how I assured anyone with concerns about my driving so far, so tired, that I'd be alright.
But I was asked to promise - if fatigue wore on me, I would pull over and take a nap. Last night visability was nil from rain which came on hard then light and randomly changed often. I drive well in poor weather (good weather - another story). I KNEW I could probably - on willpower - get myself all the way to my cave without stopping or getting hurt ... but I made a promise. I was determined to keep it. The risk just was not worth it ~ and I care too damn much about the person whom I made the promise with to compromise that promise with complications, "translations", and my own stubbornness. The promise was clear and simple - (like all my promises ... which I keep faithfully pure.)
So I slept ... in my car ... somewhere between exit 47 and 46. And I made it the rest of the way home without rain and without exaustion.
So if you are curious ~ right now I am down ... because even though I have gotten a sincere apology there was a recient hurt which is still mending. No worries though ... the apology was a comfort and a sting ~ and with how I have been lately I am certain that it will not be long before I'm on top of the world again. To be honest ... all it would take is a phone call that says "I'm thinking about you."
I'd give just about anything to KNOW some things right now. Just to KNOW ... because it is doubt and ignorance which is fueling this roller coaster now. Propelled by a few powerful influences ...
- T.C.D.
Ok - little while is over. I'm not an addict, honest.
Somewhere between exit 47 and 46 (eastbound) there is a service plaza. If you had been searching for a leather-clad dragon during the dark hours of this morning ~ there, in the rain, in a Myst Cricket ~ you might have spied her taking a nap.
I'm a beast who can occasionally sense when someone else needs to have the last word. I don't like to allow people to have it ~ but I have learned to bite my tongue. Even if I have a spotlight stealing story to top it ... I know better than to upstage anyone. For instance: If someone I work with is complaining because they only got 3 hours of sleep ... I try not to point out to them that I only had 1. Personally - not sleeping enough isn't worth complaining about most times ~ but if their lack of sleep = a crisis in their lives who am I to say "Someone has it worse"? It is not a crisis in mine.
That said - it also means that if someone I know has it worse than I do, I don't complain at all. If I only got 1 hour of sleep and call that a crisis ~ I wont say a thing if I know someone else in the room got no sleep at all. I won't complain about the road my life is taking me down if I know someone close to me is suffering worse than I.
Two new friends in my life - who have quickly become the center of my life and the seat of my passion - are going through a mental and emotional hell which is taking a toll physically. Because they are neck deep in some very trying times ~ I feel it rude to complain about my own physical, mental and emotional status. For them, while it has had some ups and downs, has been pretty stable in a hard low flat downer. Really ~ it sucks. However ... I have suffered with Bipolar (Manic Depression) and I know what the roller-coaster feels like. I have been riding a mental / emotional rollercoaster where each high, and each low - they spike, the drops are steep, the speed is intense ~ and I KNOW it has nothing to do with being bi-polar. I can feel that. The tensions have most definatly taken tolls on me physically.
The roller coaster ~ well yeah, it does have a big part tied into these 2 friends who have become my life. I would do anything to see that I do not take them down further than where they already are .... and I pray for the strength to lift them up; and just to be there when they need me wherever they are.
This weekend has been especially / \ / \ / \ ... and I am getting so exausted from it that an up or down can easily be triggered just by showing up or a single sentance. I was drained when I had to leave and return to my cave. "I have to make it back." That was how I assured anyone with concerns about my driving so far, so tired, that I'd be alright.
But I was asked to promise - if fatigue wore on me, I would pull over and take a nap. Last night visability was nil from rain which came on hard then light and randomly changed often. I drive well in poor weather (good weather - another story). I KNEW I could probably - on willpower - get myself all the way to my cave without stopping or getting hurt ... but I made a promise. I was determined to keep it. The risk just was not worth it ~ and I care too damn much about the person whom I made the promise with to compromise that promise with complications, "translations", and my own stubbornness. The promise was clear and simple - (like all my promises ... which I keep faithfully pure.)
So I slept ... in my car ... somewhere between exit 47 and 46. And I made it the rest of the way home without rain and without exaustion.
So if you are curious ~ right now I am down ... because even though I have gotten a sincere apology there was a recient hurt which is still mending. No worries though ... the apology was a comfort and a sting ~ and with how I have been lately I am certain that it will not be long before I'm on top of the world again. To be honest ... all it would take is a phone call that says "I'm thinking about you."
I'd give just about anything to KNOW some things right now. Just to KNOW ... because it is doubt and ignorance which is fueling this roller coaster now. Propelled by a few powerful influences ...
- T.C.D.