spooki

[.i.wanted.to.mean.everything.to.you.]
[.but.this.isn't.r-i-g-h-t.]
[.you.keep.coming.back.disassembled.]
[.and.i.keep.losing.this.fight.]

hmm... newness... i have a speech due thursday and im not worried about it. and i havent really started either. but i have tomorrow off work. weee! and i get to go see emery and anberlin in lawrence. it can be like a little mini pretend vacation. me and steve and javan keep talking about going to california this summer. honestly... i could think of better places to go... but... im not complaining, either. i want to go to coachella... and javan said something about it. so i think we're kind of playing around with the idea in our heads. and so. im going to go see when it is and how much tickets are muahaha! i know i shouldnt even think about it because its going to be all expensive and im pretty broke. i still need to fix my car. yea, oops. and pay it off. hmm. and how about that credit card bill that keeps getting larger. lol, speaking of which, i was supposed to pay that today. yea. nice. okay, well, 2 day pass = $167 and its at the end of this month. so that definately rules that out.

i really wanted to get started on that speech tonight but im exhausted. work and school are taking their toll on me. i start waking up halfway through school and then when i get to work i dont feel like doing anything. but i try really hard anyways. i dont know how. i dont know where that energy comes from. but im ready to just sink into my bed and disappear. tomorrow is going to be so great. no work stress and.... steve-ness. i miss him during the week when i have to be responsible. im starting to really really miss some of my friends, too. its about time. i was getting tired of being a shitty neglectful friend.

::edit::

my friend gangis wrote this poem for me, and it tickled me so much that i thought i would share.

[mary had a little lamb-]
[it's fleece was green and pukey-]
[everywhere that mary went-]
[the lamb was chased by Spooki.]