I've recently been taking the time to think about a lot of things in my life. Like if the life I'm living now is what I'll be proud of ten years down the road.
I don't mind what I do for my job now. It's just when you add idiotic behavior and lack of common sense that peeves me off.
[Post work look]
There is also the fact that I work third shift and NONE of my friends or even family are ever up and free when I'm up. All I do is go to work, watch Grey's Anatomy, sleep, repeat. I'm comfortable being an introvert but never seeing any of your close friends or even girlfriend gets lonely after a while.
The next would be school. In spring of 2011 I lost my job and then dropped out of college because I was stressing so much about finding a job. I have yet to go back to college and I'm almost 23 yrs old. I refuse to spend the rest of my life at that place. Ever since high school I've either wanted to be a Physicians Assistant or a Veterinarian. But now realizing how much I HATE people I've settled on the vet path. Now the next step is to get back and school and juggle a job, which is rough. Going to school full time and working full time is ridiculous. No sleep, no social life, more stress, more money for gas, etc.
With that being said I've also thought really hard about if I actually really want to pursue the path to becoming a SG. It's something I've secretly wanted to do for years. And because of the fear of rejection and being easily discouraged I've let it sit on the back burner. This also means that I've spent less time on SG, which makes my life feel somewhat empty.
I'm not a person that fits into any 'group' at all. I have yet to find a person that is similar to me, which I suppose could be a good thing. But everyone I know has a group of friends they always hang out with and are accepted in. I'm the wallflower out of all the people I know in my life. I'm the extreme introvert that has massive anxiety problems and is so used to expecting the bad out of life.
2013 was possibly the most terrible year of my life- which is a lot to say considering the hell I went through in 2009 with my first girlfriend and real heartbreak. In the past year I've had roommates up and leave me with a $600 apt, lost a stray dog I brought home to parvo, my cat having to have a c section and both kittens dying, being tormented in a haunted house that often drove me insane, my car breaking multiple times, my dad almost dying from clots in his lungs and then later being out in jail for something he didn't do, my furbaby Nirvana being ran over in front of me and hitting a deer in my brand new car. Those are just the major things.
I'm a firm believer in karma but damn what in the hell did I do to have such a jinxed year?!
On a lighter note I got off at 6:30am and I'm technically off today. I have yet to go to bed and have no plans on doing so; I'm on my third cup of coffee with no end in sight.
Sorry for this shitty excuse of an update so I'll make it up with pictures of life. Most of which will be of my cats and dog. Sorrynotsorry.
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
hunnyb:
Life is a chaotic mess but inside there is some beauty. No one has it all figured out. It sucks about all the shit you've been through. I see it as material for our life story and yours will be an interesting read. Sorry about the random comment your blog caught my eye so i thought id give you words of encouragement
chadsss:
That does sound l I keep a shity year but I thing we are not given more than we could handle, nobody likes hard times but you can always look back and say I overcame that shit, I pushed passed it...As for school I'm 32 and going back to school later in life sucks.get it over with now while your still young you need a college education to do good in today's times