Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

spikybluegirl

Member Since 2002

Followers 26 Following 26

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Tuesday Aug 12, 2003

Aug 12, 2003
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
Forgive me, but it's essay time. Read it if you have the patience. If not... just answer the following.

Name at least one thing, person, or event that has made you glad you were alive today.

For me: Singing along with La Vie Boheme from RENT, comments from all my sweet SG friends, chat topics about what an attention whore I am, writing advice from the ex-girlfriend, a brief chat with Ophelia, and Shalome's devil horns.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Perhaps in the body of a dancer, a model, a visual artist, the foci of the body would not be in the delicate, lotus petal wrists. Slippery like salmon, the veins, arteries, and tendons tease away from my boyish fingernails, badly squared and uneven. This third eye, unblinking, wails to be gouged. Before my sun tattoo, a spur of the moment hope of purging the airiness under my skin, I scrawled on jet black crosses in hopes of protection. Whether from Shannon or from myself has been a point of contention, but there they were. On the days my hands threaten to disconnect from my body, the center of the sun is an equal-armed cross.

Now I can imagine the blood welling up in Heathers scratches. These rain droplets, bubbling over surfaces that seem like runs in hosiery, dont attain any sort of reality. Draped over flesh, skin is no more than another veil to be pushed back. I rarely bleed. Accidents happen, and they are only that. Glossed over like magazine pages, I lick my thumb, press it to the corner, and move along. Understand, please, that this is only a release.

If my phone wakes me in the night, Im ready to distract Trinity from herself. Even though I dabble lightly in pain as an art, I understand the need to be drawn away from the temptation. She will likely never call, but my phone is on. In my life, this is omnipresent. My initiation was not the glass-thin arm of April, raped by a straight-edge razor, though Ive always implied it. My first taste was not of love, but revulsion. I did not like Amber. If Id never tasted the rich pride of those kittenish razor marks on her ankles, would I have stayed the same path?

Shannon has the welt-pink shine of bravery all down her arms and legs, and in a blazing ribbon across her neck. Circumstances brought her to a place I will never visit. She was a special case. I no longer admire this; I only accept it as the truth. Still, I recall the serenity I felt lying among tangled sheets, caressing her scars gently with my lips and fingers. I will never be that girl. The implications of this no longer stare me in the eye, daring me to go further. I am not a danger to myself.

Knowing this, there is no harm. I can press my nail into my flesh, draw the air, await release. Will it be sweet?
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
al:
I had a dream that that terminator was coming for me.
Aug 13, 2003
koleeta:
oh you spiky blue thing you
Aug 13, 2003

More Blogs

  • 03.17.04
    10

    Wednesday Mar 17, 2004

    j00 all sm3ll funny. oh, nm. that's me. *goes to shower*
  • 03.16.04
    14

    Tuesday Mar 16, 2004

    I'm tired of being on any side of a 'war' where I have to care about …
  • 12.10.03
    7

    Wednesday Dec 10, 2003

    I'm DONE FINALS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah baby. Ohio, here I come! 4 mo…
  • 12.10.03
    1

    Wednesday Dec 10, 2003

    few more people on my friends list went grey. *sigh* just taking a…
  • 12.08.03
    7

    Monday Dec 08, 2003

    Oof. Exams tomorrow (or rather, later today): Hebrew @ 12:30 PM…
  • 12.06.03
    10

    Sunday Dec 07, 2003

    whoa, I'm so swan dive. "I think that I'm happy I think that I'm …
  • 12.04.03
    1

    Thursday Dec 04, 2003

    Just to remind myself: When I get home this afternoon, I need to c…
  • 12.02.03
    7

    Tuesday Dec 02, 2003

    oh, I'm back. but you knew that already, right? p.s. I…
  • 11.24.03
    8

    Monday Nov 24, 2003

    it realizes the very day it is to leave that the driver's license is …
  • 11.23.03
    5

    Sunday Nov 23, 2003

    LAST FULL DAY IN FLORIDA! *drools at the thought of fooling around…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
5
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,597 SuicideGirls
  • 1,117,572 followers
  • 14,936,958 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,435,114 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo