My Friend Absinth
My most funnest memory of absinth is quite blurry (like most of my memories) and occurred a few years ago back in my younger, carefree days (as opposed to my older, carefree days) I'd had a few drinks at the Townie already, and as my then favourite band Mz Ann Thropik lived just down the road I decided it would be a good, nay fantastic idea to show up on their doorstep and surprise them with a bottle of something so they could join in the fun. So out I skipped to the bottleshop.
As I entered the glassy paradise the sight which greeted me was breathtaking. Bottles filled with dizzy cordials of every colour of the alcoholic rainbow lined the shelves and threatened to overwhelm my senses. I was like a kid in a candy store. I walked around the bottleshop in a daze clutching a fistful of $20 notes when suddenly I thought I heard a tiny voice behind me. I spun round and there lo and behold glowing an almost incandescent aqua green was a bottle of Green Fairy absinth. I grinned, and I could swear the fairy emblazoned on the bottle grinned back. My mind made up, I paid the bottle pimp behind the counter and continued my merry jaunt down to Bray street.
Before I go any further I would like to clarify that the absinth I bought was the absinth sold here. "Oh but it's not REAL absinth" I can hear you saying. Dude, it's 60%, smells like detergent, tastes like detergent and whether or not it is the 'real' absinth it still does a heck of a lot of damage.
Eventually I arrived at my destination. I thought I should do my best to look my most presentable as I knew that just on the other side of the door in front of me lived two of the most exquisitely beautiful creatures in existence, so I made sure my fly was done up, untucked my shirt from my underpants and spat in my hand and tried to do that spiky, messy thing with my hair that was the fashion at the time. (and still is?) And so, looking rather like a hobo who has just been to a bottleshop, I knocked.
The pitter patter of footsteps approaching the door and then an excited squeal from the other side. And then suddenly the door was open and I found myself embraced by a bouncy, bouncy Tashpants, and then being ushered into the castle
Once seated on the lounge safely inside with my precious cargo I revealed the purpose of my visit. Like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat I removed the bottle from its brown paper bag, expecting thunderous applause for my first trick, but instead all I got was a mild 'ooooh'. It turned out that my dear dead dollies were on their way out to dinner and didn't feel like drinking before they went. Disappointed, I returned the absinthe to its bag and I got up to leave.
"Wait Spewy" said Magdalena. "Why don't you come with us? It'll be ever so much fun!"
"Hurrah!" said I.
So feeling buoyed once more I settled back down on the world's comfiest couch.
"Why don't we have a drink before we go?"
The dead dollies respectfully declined.
"We're leaving in 10 minutes" they said.
"Well I might just have a quick one" I replied. And I poured myself a drink.
As I said, back then I was young, and little did I know that a female's 10 minutes is a much longer period of time than the usual 10 minutes. So while my two favourite girls in the whole world went about the business of painting their faces and trying to make themselves look even MORE beautiful than they already were (ignoring my protests that it simply was not possible) my one drink became two, became three, became six. Pretty soon the next time I looked at the bottle it was half empty. One doesn't feel like going to dinner after drinking half a bottle of absinthe. In fact, after half a bottle of absinthe one rather feels like going on an adventure. So figuring I had at least another '5' minutes of this new time system left before we went to dinner I excused myself on the grounds I needed some fresh air.
The events that followed were rather abstract. However, I have been told that I showed up at the front door roughly 40 minutes later covered in mud and proudly holding the sign from the Newtown Performing Arts school (up the road) aloft like I'd just won a cup final. I then attempted to offer it to Tash, who screamed and fetched her housemate Magdalena, who also screamed, and told me in no uncertain terms to put the sign back where it came from. Surprised and hurt at this rejction of my most precious gift I slunk glumly away
The next thing I remember is attempting to board a bus home and dropping half a large pizza into the bus driver's lap, telling him to keep the change, and then wobbling my way down the back of the bus, where I dropped the other half of the pizza. Then waking up the next morning in bed facing the wrong way - with my shoes on my pillow and my head poking out the end - and with my clothes on inside out.
The moral of the story is actually I'm not sure there is one. Wait, the moral of the story is that when a girl says she'll be 10 minutes it means she'll be an hour. So if you are planning on going somewhere fancy with her be careful if you're just going to have 'one quick drink' while she gets ready. Magdalena the preceding events are all your fault
My most funnest memory of absinth is quite blurry (like most of my memories) and occurred a few years ago back in my younger, carefree days (as opposed to my older, carefree days) I'd had a few drinks at the Townie already, and as my then favourite band Mz Ann Thropik lived just down the road I decided it would be a good, nay fantastic idea to show up on their doorstep and surprise them with a bottle of something so they could join in the fun. So out I skipped to the bottleshop.
As I entered the glassy paradise the sight which greeted me was breathtaking. Bottles filled with dizzy cordials of every colour of the alcoholic rainbow lined the shelves and threatened to overwhelm my senses. I was like a kid in a candy store. I walked around the bottleshop in a daze clutching a fistful of $20 notes when suddenly I thought I heard a tiny voice behind me. I spun round and there lo and behold glowing an almost incandescent aqua green was a bottle of Green Fairy absinth. I grinned, and I could swear the fairy emblazoned on the bottle grinned back. My mind made up, I paid the bottle pimp behind the counter and continued my merry jaunt down to Bray street.
Before I go any further I would like to clarify that the absinth I bought was the absinth sold here. "Oh but it's not REAL absinth" I can hear you saying. Dude, it's 60%, smells like detergent, tastes like detergent and whether or not it is the 'real' absinth it still does a heck of a lot of damage.
Eventually I arrived at my destination. I thought I should do my best to look my most presentable as I knew that just on the other side of the door in front of me lived two of the most exquisitely beautiful creatures in existence, so I made sure my fly was done up, untucked my shirt from my underpants and spat in my hand and tried to do that spiky, messy thing with my hair that was the fashion at the time. (and still is?) And so, looking rather like a hobo who has just been to a bottleshop, I knocked.
The pitter patter of footsteps approaching the door and then an excited squeal from the other side. And then suddenly the door was open and I found myself embraced by a bouncy, bouncy Tashpants, and then being ushered into the castle
Once seated on the lounge safely inside with my precious cargo I revealed the purpose of my visit. Like a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat I removed the bottle from its brown paper bag, expecting thunderous applause for my first trick, but instead all I got was a mild 'ooooh'. It turned out that my dear dead dollies were on their way out to dinner and didn't feel like drinking before they went. Disappointed, I returned the absinthe to its bag and I got up to leave.
"Wait Spewy" said Magdalena. "Why don't you come with us? It'll be ever so much fun!"
"Hurrah!" said I.
So feeling buoyed once more I settled back down on the world's comfiest couch.
"Why don't we have a drink before we go?"
The dead dollies respectfully declined.
"We're leaving in 10 minutes" they said.
"Well I might just have a quick one" I replied. And I poured myself a drink.
As I said, back then I was young, and little did I know that a female's 10 minutes is a much longer period of time than the usual 10 minutes. So while my two favourite girls in the whole world went about the business of painting their faces and trying to make themselves look even MORE beautiful than they already were (ignoring my protests that it simply was not possible) my one drink became two, became three, became six. Pretty soon the next time I looked at the bottle it was half empty. One doesn't feel like going to dinner after drinking half a bottle of absinthe. In fact, after half a bottle of absinthe one rather feels like going on an adventure. So figuring I had at least another '5' minutes of this new time system left before we went to dinner I excused myself on the grounds I needed some fresh air.
The events that followed were rather abstract. However, I have been told that I showed up at the front door roughly 40 minutes later covered in mud and proudly holding the sign from the Newtown Performing Arts school (up the road) aloft like I'd just won a cup final. I then attempted to offer it to Tash, who screamed and fetched her housemate Magdalena, who also screamed, and told me in no uncertain terms to put the sign back where it came from. Surprised and hurt at this rejction of my most precious gift I slunk glumly away
The next thing I remember is attempting to board a bus home and dropping half a large pizza into the bus driver's lap, telling him to keep the change, and then wobbling my way down the back of the bus, where I dropped the other half of the pizza. Then waking up the next morning in bed facing the wrong way - with my shoes on my pillow and my head poking out the end - and with my clothes on inside out.
The moral of the story is actually I'm not sure there is one. Wait, the moral of the story is that when a girl says she'll be 10 minutes it means she'll be an hour. So if you are planning on going somewhere fancy with her be careful if you're just going to have 'one quick drink' while she gets ready. Magdalena the preceding events are all your fault