ROCK AND ROLL ATE MY BABY!!
Manek Deboto, renowned HIV poodle breeder, has been charged with the kidnapping of a 6 month old foetus.
Police arrested the singing hobo late last night in conjunction with the disappearance of the as yet unnamed son/daughter of Phyllis Fagolini, Deboto's next door neighbour and occasional felching partner. He was later released on bail believed to be worth approximately 3 paperclips, some bellybutton lint and a slightly used condom.
Authorities became suspicious after 58 year old Italian divorcee Mrs Fagolini ('Siphyllis' or 'Phallus' to her friends) claimed that Mr Deboto's unique brand of pill popping splatterpunk had caused her foetus to become agitated.
"Itsa like he knew" she said as she choked back sobs. "That the maker of sucha crazy music was sucha crazy boy."
The damning evidence doesn't stop there. The morning of the foetus' disappearance Mrs Fagolini woke to find the shredded skin of an alien hand still inside her.
"I wake up and finda something insida my pasta bowl - not likea the things I usually put up there. It was likea some sorta - how you say - monster hand, an' it smelt like week old ravioli. Not so fresh."
Witnesses also report seeing Mr. Deboto fleeing Mrs. Fagolini's front yard in the early hours of the same morning being accompanied by a roughly foetus shaped object.
"I don't know what he's done but he did it." said Spewy Chunks, the man famous for turning base metals into lesbians. "Give that bastard the chair."
The final piece of the puzzle for police fell into place when officers were searching the crime scene. Constable Thomas Gumblewocky was dusting for fingerprints just past Mrs Fagolini's uterus when he discovered a note reading "Gone to Manek's" presumably left by the kidnappers.
When police special forces stormed Deboto's new state of the art studio (believed to be exactly like his old one, just with more goon) at approximately 10:37pm they discovered the foetus, an unknown woman, a blow up doll and Mr. Deboto engaged in a game of strip poker. The woman was later revealed to be Azaria, lead singer of The Follow and the world's best hug giver, in a dress. He was taken into custody but was later released after promising everyone free hugs and Byron chai.
The blow-up doll was interrogated on the spot by a Senior Sergeant who performed the interrogation on top of the suspect and without his pants.
It is believed Mr. Deboto attempted to flee the scene with the Foetus but was subdued by officers armed with soap, who threw suds in his eyes, leaving him blind and cleaner than he'd ever been. The foetus, however, did manage to escape, and ended up joining the Church of Scientology, quickly rising through the ranks to become second in command to Tom Cruise, its stark resemblance to the Hollywood actor earning it the nickname "Mini-Tom". But the pair had a falling out after the foetus posed for a raunchy calendar designed to improve the religion's image, Mr Cruise calling the foetus "a jerk", the foetus returning home with its feelings hurt and several million dollars out of pocket.
Mr. Deboto will face court sometime next week. If found guilty he faces a maximum sentence of having his eyebrows removed and his right testicle stapled to his opposite leg.
Manek Deboto, renowned HIV poodle breeder, has been charged with the kidnapping of a 6 month old foetus.
Police arrested the singing hobo late last night in conjunction with the disappearance of the as yet unnamed son/daughter of Phyllis Fagolini, Deboto's next door neighbour and occasional felching partner. He was later released on bail believed to be worth approximately 3 paperclips, some bellybutton lint and a slightly used condom.
Authorities became suspicious after 58 year old Italian divorcee Mrs Fagolini ('Siphyllis' or 'Phallus' to her friends) claimed that Mr Deboto's unique brand of pill popping splatterpunk had caused her foetus to become agitated.
"Itsa like he knew" she said as she choked back sobs. "That the maker of sucha crazy music was sucha crazy boy."
The damning evidence doesn't stop there. The morning of the foetus' disappearance Mrs Fagolini woke to find the shredded skin of an alien hand still inside her.
"I wake up and finda something insida my pasta bowl - not likea the things I usually put up there. It was likea some sorta - how you say - monster hand, an' it smelt like week old ravioli. Not so fresh."
Witnesses also report seeing Mr. Deboto fleeing Mrs. Fagolini's front yard in the early hours of the same morning being accompanied by a roughly foetus shaped object.
"I don't know what he's done but he did it." said Spewy Chunks, the man famous for turning base metals into lesbians. "Give that bastard the chair."
The final piece of the puzzle for police fell into place when officers were searching the crime scene. Constable Thomas Gumblewocky was dusting for fingerprints just past Mrs Fagolini's uterus when he discovered a note reading "Gone to Manek's" presumably left by the kidnappers.
When police special forces stormed Deboto's new state of the art studio (believed to be exactly like his old one, just with more goon) at approximately 10:37pm they discovered the foetus, an unknown woman, a blow up doll and Mr. Deboto engaged in a game of strip poker. The woman was later revealed to be Azaria, lead singer of The Follow and the world's best hug giver, in a dress. He was taken into custody but was later released after promising everyone free hugs and Byron chai.
The blow-up doll was interrogated on the spot by a Senior Sergeant who performed the interrogation on top of the suspect and without his pants.
It is believed Mr. Deboto attempted to flee the scene with the Foetus but was subdued by officers armed with soap, who threw suds in his eyes, leaving him blind and cleaner than he'd ever been. The foetus, however, did manage to escape, and ended up joining the Church of Scientology, quickly rising through the ranks to become second in command to Tom Cruise, its stark resemblance to the Hollywood actor earning it the nickname "Mini-Tom". But the pair had a falling out after the foetus posed for a raunchy calendar designed to improve the religion's image, Mr Cruise calling the foetus "a jerk", the foetus returning home with its feelings hurt and several million dollars out of pocket.
Mr. Deboto will face court sometime next week. If found guilty he faces a maximum sentence of having his eyebrows removed and his right testicle stapled to his opposite leg.