Well work and life had swallowed me whole and wouldn't ya know it? A month had passed, Snakes on Planes poisoned the box office well, and I had abandoned my post. Not to worry. I am back...well sort of.
In the interest of recycling, I'm reposting a rant I wrote a while back questioning the dubious talent of overrated troubadour Ryan Adams. I was prompted to do this after seen his haven't-showered-since-Bryan-Adams-was-relevant-mug in Rolling Stone last night.
This is done with said tongue firmly implanted in cheek....enjoy!
It seems every where I turn its "Ryan Adams this" & "Ryan Adams saved my cat from colon cancer"well damn it all to Hades, I've just had enough of this heresy and I'm here to restore the Rock crown to the real Great White Hope from the Great White North.Bryan Adams!
Have we forgotten how Bryan Adams sacrificed his childhood for us to rock our collect asses off? Don't believe me? Think I'm full of hot gas and hooey? Just check out the lyrics to Summer of '69:
"I got my first real six string
Bought it at the five and dime
Played it til my fingers bled
Was the summer of '69"
Bryan was a mere 10 years old (born November 5, 1959) when his first band broke up in the midst of small-town politics and heartache, yet he gave us his all even though he knew his best years were already behind him ("Those were the best days of my life"). How many ten year-olds are that self-aware?
Everything he did, from Cuts Like A Knife to 18 Til I Die, he did for us. Now this Ryan Adams, this poster boy for sleep-deprivation and bed-headed hipster-boy blunder, this Dwight Hokum is going to steal Bryan's thunder? Over my dead body! Sure Whiskeytown was a fine bar band but if BRYAN Adams fronted them they could've been the next Damn Yankees!
Two rock singers with names so similar it would confuse even our President? Not on my watch! And Ryan, boy you a merely a visitor in the house that Bryan Adams builtheck, you ain't even good enough to loiter around his guest-house on Sundays!
Still think I'm full of Limbaugh-fuel? Ryan's so-called lyrical prowess couldn't light a hospital Christmas treeI give you Exhibit A (from his amateurish haiku To Be The One):
"And the knives up in the kitchen are all too dull to smile
yeah and the sun it tries to warn me
boy those wings are made of wax "
So the sun is trying to warn you Ryan?rightand waxed covered wings? This ain't Touched By Angel! Boy, this is America not some damn hippie ice-coffee house open-mic night damn it!
Bryan Adams is the real deal. As real as my Chevy and as American as Charlie Daniels, and when all is said and done and the history books are scribed, these are the words that'll be remembered:
"Standin' on your Mama's porch
You told me that you'd wait forever
Oh and when you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life
Back in the summer of '69"
Real words from a real manAre you man enough Ryan? Then change your goddamn name!!!
In the interest of recycling, I'm reposting a rant I wrote a while back questioning the dubious talent of overrated troubadour Ryan Adams. I was prompted to do this after seen his haven't-showered-since-Bryan-Adams-was-relevant-mug in Rolling Stone last night.
This is done with said tongue firmly implanted in cheek....enjoy!
It seems every where I turn its "Ryan Adams this" & "Ryan Adams saved my cat from colon cancer"well damn it all to Hades, I've just had enough of this heresy and I'm here to restore the Rock crown to the real Great White Hope from the Great White North.Bryan Adams!
Have we forgotten how Bryan Adams sacrificed his childhood for us to rock our collect asses off? Don't believe me? Think I'm full of hot gas and hooey? Just check out the lyrics to Summer of '69:
"I got my first real six string
Bought it at the five and dime
Played it til my fingers bled
Was the summer of '69"
Bryan was a mere 10 years old (born November 5, 1959) when his first band broke up in the midst of small-town politics and heartache, yet he gave us his all even though he knew his best years were already behind him ("Those were the best days of my life"). How many ten year-olds are that self-aware?
Everything he did, from Cuts Like A Knife to 18 Til I Die, he did for us. Now this Ryan Adams, this poster boy for sleep-deprivation and bed-headed hipster-boy blunder, this Dwight Hokum is going to steal Bryan's thunder? Over my dead body! Sure Whiskeytown was a fine bar band but if BRYAN Adams fronted them they could've been the next Damn Yankees!
Two rock singers with names so similar it would confuse even our President? Not on my watch! And Ryan, boy you a merely a visitor in the house that Bryan Adams builtheck, you ain't even good enough to loiter around his guest-house on Sundays!
Still think I'm full of Limbaugh-fuel? Ryan's so-called lyrical prowess couldn't light a hospital Christmas treeI give you Exhibit A (from his amateurish haiku To Be The One):
"And the knives up in the kitchen are all too dull to smile
yeah and the sun it tries to warn me
boy those wings are made of wax "
So the sun is trying to warn you Ryan?rightand waxed covered wings? This ain't Touched By Angel! Boy, this is America not some damn hippie ice-coffee house open-mic night damn it!
Bryan Adams is the real deal. As real as my Chevy and as American as Charlie Daniels, and when all is said and done and the history books are scribed, these are the words that'll be remembered:
"Standin' on your Mama's porch
You told me that you'd wait forever
Oh and when you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life
Back in the summer of '69"
Real words from a real manAre you man enough Ryan? Then change your goddamn name!!!
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
even moreso than Bryan Adams