-Hope someone eggs the Pope. I'm not anti-Catholic, I just have a sweet "Eggs Benedict" pun which seems forced in any other situation.
-The Popemobile: Because nothing says "I have faith in God" like 3 inches of bulletproof glass.
-Pope says atheists pick & choose their morals. Correct. Today I will be frowning on child abuse & not having a problem with homosexuality.
-Semen contains zinc and calcium, both of which are proven to prevent TOOTH DECAY.
-When you're busy, everyone LOVES to text you. When you're bored...nothing!
-Miley dated Nick who dated Selena who dated Taylor L who dated Taylor S who dated Joe who dated Demi who dated Trace Cyrus, Miley's brother.
-Love failbooking: "My mum thinks 'LOL' means 'lots of love'- she texted: 'Your grandam has just died LOL
-Dear Facebook, Just wait, one day they'll abandon you as well. Sincerely, Myspace
-Dear whoever is reading this, you are beautiful & someone out there is crazy about you. So smile, life is too short to be unhappy.
-Dear Taylor Swift, Kanye took your microphone not your virginity... its time to move on...
-Attention Fat People: Having a diet coke with your super-sized meal doesn't make it a ''healthy choice.''
-Fake friends are like shadows: always near you at your brightest moments, but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour.
-Purveyor of pestilence! Interloper of lawlessness! Menace to mankind! I am bad! I am evil! I am Mojo Jojo! Hahaha! Powerpuff girls
-Why is it that the person you like, doesnt care about you, but the person you dont like is obsessed with you?
-Problem isn't some ignorant redneck burning a book. Problem is rewarding his stupidity with attention.
-I renamed my iPhone to "The Titanic". Each time I connect it to iTunes, I see 'The Titanic is syncing'!" hahah oh..the simple things.
-Twitter is like a refrigerator. You get bored and keep checking, but nothing ever changes.
-Dance like the photo's not being tagged, Love like you've never been unfriended, Tweet like nobody's following.
-"Homeopathic Supervillain Puts Nothing In Town Water Supply"
-If you say the word "douche" fast and repetitively it will sound like the beat of a techno song that some douche would definitely love
-first day of school, walking into a class, seeing whos in it, and thinking, "youve gotta be kidding...
-When I was younger, I always drew the sun in the corner of the paper. (:
-Twitter is the most vain, narcissistic, and downright egotistical invention since the mirror. In otherwords, it is AWESOME.
-When I get married one day, I wanna have my honeymoon... on the moon.. at noon... Yepp
-Every girl deserves a guy who will text her back, even when he's playing COD
-She asked when is fashion week.... uuuum...I thought it was every week??!!
-The difference between "like" "love" and "in love" is the same as the difference between "for now" "for a while" and "forever"
-Why are rappers always getting busted with guns? If I were a rapper i would carry laffy taffy, expensive marbles, and a small harmonica
-The reason why your windshield is larger than your rear view mirror is because where you're going, is greater than where you've been. Go.
-Guess what, kids? Hogwarts isn't real. Neither is Santa Claus. Your parents lied to you. Which means they don't love you.
-SarahPalin tweeted "if we weren't meant to drill for oil God would let us know. It was deleted as oil rig explodes
-Stephen Hawking says the universe wasn't necessarily created by God. In other news, grass is green.
-Sometimes I write a letter on paper with a pen then burn it laughing about how Google must be crying over information it will never index.
-Had steak 1 night. Waiter asked how I wanted it cooked. I said Microwaved. He said 'well done?', I said thanks son but I don't want a medal
- i ignored a text on purpose, and they re sent the SAME text, i would own Oprah
-Facebook down, productivity levels around the world increase 80%
-With Facebook Down I give it 3 hours before people start eating each other.
-According to the #1 TT, Lady Gaga is pregnant. But people who make up such stupid rumors said she's a man. Make up your minds!
-Helium walks into a bar. Bartender says "We don't take kindly to Noble Gasses here." Helium doesn't react.
-My imaginary guy is better than your imaginary guy. -Religious conflict tweet
-Girls are like phones. They love to be held and talked to but if u press the wrong button ... U will be disconnected! Bahaha
-Hi, my name is Discovery Channel, and I'm going to sue Disney Channel because we have the same initials.
-Glenn Beck & Sarah Palin hosting a "restoring honor" rally is like Paris Hilton & Lindsey Lohan hosting a "healthy lifestyles" seminar.
-Paris Hilton arrested for coke. Great, now we can spend 6 months hearing how another stupid rich girl spent 3 days in jail.
-Cookie Monster: For me, eating cookies more than obsession: it lifestyle.
-You're no doubt reading this while battling a Samurai sword wielding shark while teaching baby tigers to read.
-The Popemobile: Because nothing says "I have faith in God" like 3 inches of bulletproof glass.
-Pope says atheists pick & choose their morals. Correct. Today I will be frowning on child abuse & not having a problem with homosexuality.
-Semen contains zinc and calcium, both of which are proven to prevent TOOTH DECAY.
-When you're busy, everyone LOVES to text you. When you're bored...nothing!
-Miley dated Nick who dated Selena who dated Taylor L who dated Taylor S who dated Joe who dated Demi who dated Trace Cyrus, Miley's brother.
-Love failbooking: "My mum thinks 'LOL' means 'lots of love'- she texted: 'Your grandam has just died LOL
-Dear Facebook, Just wait, one day they'll abandon you as well. Sincerely, Myspace
-Dear whoever is reading this, you are beautiful & someone out there is crazy about you. So smile, life is too short to be unhappy.
-Dear Taylor Swift, Kanye took your microphone not your virginity... its time to move on...
-Attention Fat People: Having a diet coke with your super-sized meal doesn't make it a ''healthy choice.''
-Fake friends are like shadows: always near you at your brightest moments, but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour.
-Purveyor of pestilence! Interloper of lawlessness! Menace to mankind! I am bad! I am evil! I am Mojo Jojo! Hahaha! Powerpuff girls
-Why is it that the person you like, doesnt care about you, but the person you dont like is obsessed with you?
-Problem isn't some ignorant redneck burning a book. Problem is rewarding his stupidity with attention.
-I renamed my iPhone to "The Titanic". Each time I connect it to iTunes, I see 'The Titanic is syncing'!" hahah oh..the simple things.
-Twitter is like a refrigerator. You get bored and keep checking, but nothing ever changes.
-Dance like the photo's not being tagged, Love like you've never been unfriended, Tweet like nobody's following.
-"Homeopathic Supervillain Puts Nothing In Town Water Supply"
-If you say the word "douche" fast and repetitively it will sound like the beat of a techno song that some douche would definitely love
-first day of school, walking into a class, seeing whos in it, and thinking, "youve gotta be kidding...
-When I was younger, I always drew the sun in the corner of the paper. (:
-Twitter is the most vain, narcissistic, and downright egotistical invention since the mirror. In otherwords, it is AWESOME.
-When I get married one day, I wanna have my honeymoon... on the moon.. at noon... Yepp
-Every girl deserves a guy who will text her back, even when he's playing COD
-She asked when is fashion week.... uuuum...I thought it was every week??!!
-The difference between "like" "love" and "in love" is the same as the difference between "for now" "for a while" and "forever"
-Why are rappers always getting busted with guns? If I were a rapper i would carry laffy taffy, expensive marbles, and a small harmonica
-The reason why your windshield is larger than your rear view mirror is because where you're going, is greater than where you've been. Go.
-Guess what, kids? Hogwarts isn't real. Neither is Santa Claus. Your parents lied to you. Which means they don't love you.
-SarahPalin tweeted "if we weren't meant to drill for oil God would let us know. It was deleted as oil rig explodes
-Stephen Hawking says the universe wasn't necessarily created by God. In other news, grass is green.
-Sometimes I write a letter on paper with a pen then burn it laughing about how Google must be crying over information it will never index.
-Had steak 1 night. Waiter asked how I wanted it cooked. I said Microwaved. He said 'well done?', I said thanks son but I don't want a medal
- i ignored a text on purpose, and they re sent the SAME text, i would own Oprah
-Facebook down, productivity levels around the world increase 80%
-With Facebook Down I give it 3 hours before people start eating each other.
-According to the #1 TT, Lady Gaga is pregnant. But people who make up such stupid rumors said she's a man. Make up your minds!
-Helium walks into a bar. Bartender says "We don't take kindly to Noble Gasses here." Helium doesn't react.
-My imaginary guy is better than your imaginary guy. -Religious conflict tweet
-Girls are like phones. They love to be held and talked to but if u press the wrong button ... U will be disconnected! Bahaha
-Hi, my name is Discovery Channel, and I'm going to sue Disney Channel because we have the same initials.
-Glenn Beck & Sarah Palin hosting a "restoring honor" rally is like Paris Hilton & Lindsey Lohan hosting a "healthy lifestyles" seminar.
-Paris Hilton arrested for coke. Great, now we can spend 6 months hearing how another stupid rich girl spent 3 days in jail.
-Cookie Monster: For me, eating cookies more than obsession: it lifestyle.
-You're no doubt reading this while battling a Samurai sword wielding shark while teaching baby tigers to read.
