sorrowsjoy

Thank you evryone for the Happy B-day wishes---it really brightened my day--As far as updates go this won't be an enlightening one nor will I share another poem--I think I'm tapped out at the moment--And yes I finally got a pic up and thanks to Ray it looks pretty awsome--Muuuahhh to Ray for doing this--Anyways brother is finally home--YAY!!--He spent an entire month in the hospital,had major major surgery,and survived it all--I'm thrilled he's home I missed him dearly--He, more than anyone, understands and listens to the hell I deal with everyday and vice versa--He took the pic you see and believe me I HATE having my pic taken--It's hard for me just to see the one that is up without that derisive voice ingrained in my mind screaming that "your hideous!"--I can hardly look at myself in the mirror and I hate that I am so damn hard on myself--Most people would be turned off by this but there are a few who understand--Being a Survivor doesn't mean there isn't many issues I have yet to deal with--And while it's a progressive thing some days I wish I would just get over it so I can move on with my life...But anyways think I'm gonna go listen to NIN..lol good angst music



Lexi

Here's some lyrics from a song that speaks of me and to me...

So afraid
Open your eyes
Know too well
That fatuates you
Something undefined
There in the halflight
The demon without
The demon inside
To play then torment you
Feelings so sure
Feelings so uncertain
Something is wrong
Everyone's gone
You have been left behind
Everyone left the demon inside

Do you still hear the laughter
So hard to describe
And never forget
Faces that haunt you
Wake or sleep
You know you can't tell
Unable to sleep
Unable to fight
Unwilling to wake
To open your eyes
Face your oppressor
Still you go on
Convinced it will end

Can you remember
A day when it was not
Not like this
Unsure of yourself
Unsure of your thoughts
Unable to know
Of what you think is right or wrong
Still you go on
Convinced it will end
But someone pushes
A blade through your mind
There on the edge
No-one will find you
So hearing them laugh
No light it's not the end for you

Why is everything wrong
Here I am
Here I am
With these words
Trying to say
Something I can't
Something I can't tell you
Nothing is wrong
The demons they have left you
You were not left behind
You were not left behind
So open your eyes
So open your eyes
Unable to sleep
Unable to fight
Unwilling to wake
Please open your eyes
Here I stand
Unable to tell you
I'm trying to say
Nothing is wrong
Please open your eyes
Nothing is wrong
You were not left behind
-VNV Nation


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