sorrowsjoy

No real update as normal--Just me on a sleepless night and here are the words I say to you..........


Here in my room so still,my thoughts tumble into the silence
An empty space needing to be filled
But with what, I have nothing left to give
Save what I have kept from you
--Rage--
--Rage--
What is that (I whisper)
Eyes gritty,dark and shadowed in the weary gloom
--A Torch--
--A Fire--
Who are you,and why do I recognize....
Hands clutched tightly I hear myself groan
NO NO I CANNOT GO BACK THERE!
--Remember--
--Remember--
And my mind explodes into the void seeing everything
--Hate--
--Hate--
Soft as silk,as sharp as a blade on a whetstone
A voice tears the silence snickering
--I really did hurt you--
--I really did fuck you--
And even now your still mine
So the malestorm sucks me back in
As I slide to the floor
--Burning--
--Burning--
I cry my words dying inside
Some doors are better left
--Alone--
--Alone--
But the voice insists crawling through my gut
You were my temptation
You were my temptation
And I knew it was wrong
But what are you going to do
I own every part of you
--Breaking--
--Breaking--
I pull at the carpet like I hold my shame
But there was nowhere else to be
I am so cold,warmth having fled
As I recall your indifference
--Run--
--Run--
Your hannds running the blame UP and
DOWN me
Growing sobs like seizures rattle my bones
And all the pain begs
(whimper)
To be saved,to be taken home
--Innocence--
--Innocence--
(My dear child your just a broken toy)
--Dying--
--Dead--
--Gone--
So I sink,sink,thinking,afraid to BE at all
You can live as long as you want,but before
You can walk you must learn to crawl
--Begging--
--Begging--
Sleep,sleep,please let it fade
Like darkness does in the light of day
--Laughing--
--Laughing--
Is that the noise of children playing?
(No child time to feed the monster)
Reality
S H A T T E R S
Now quiet and watch illusion play tricks on the Monsters
Whore
--Bleeding--
--Bleeding--
Reflected madness in the shiny knife gripped in her hand
Even the strongest dam breaks
--Damaged--
--Damaged--
Trying to cast its demons out
And bury it in the sand
--Castles--
--Castles--
Born to protect the cage she lives in
such a perfect victim
--Vanishing--
--Vanishing--
Slowly disappearing (Was she ever really there?)
She even used to be loved
But who has the time for a shadow
That flutters like a moth to the flames
--Absolved--
--Absolved--
She has an old soul running from life to life
Like a spirit on a winter tundra forever seeking warmth
--Hold her--
--Hold her--
Through the night
As she dreams of her bogeyman
Safe from pain (Go back to sleep my child)
--Love her--
--Love her--
And when she wakes hold her tightly
She is special
Tell her she's special
Be her rock of sanity
But wait, there she wakes
--Awake--
--Awake--

I wake pain reassurance I'm here
And Oh there's the sun another day over
How many must I endure..........

Lexi