Okay I know my updates are to far in between but hey cut me some slack I'm a little slow 
---My brother as of Tuesday had his surgery---they took out 8 inches of his small bowel and 1/3 of his colon---Yes OUCH---He's in a lot of pain but finally sleeping as of today when I saw him--He can stand and has walked without the walker finally and the doctors are pleased with his progress but damn the pain is clearly etched on his face though he holds it like a good soldier---He is also very emotional which is to be expected--He so much wants his life back and now that most of the diseased tissue has been removed there is a great possibility his Crohn's will go into complete remission *sigh* We are crossing our fingers---It has been a hard month and for myself I'm exhausted,and in a great deal of pain--For those who don't know, I have Fibromyalgia---As I've said before look it up if ya don't know what it is lol---Don't want to bore anybody with the same shit every update but really it is my life at the moment--The insomnia is really straining my nerves and good humor 
Okay so it isn't always "good" humor lol,just whatever fits my mood and spirits--I'm not as morbid as I may seem but then I'm not as strong as I try to insist I am---I'm tired of the doctors,their indifference,coldness,and even in some instances cruelty---I didn't go through hell as a child only to have people who claim to be the caretakers of the mind and bodies of the human race to treat me as a burden and unworthy of their help---They demand my complete trust but do not return it--They patronize and grow angry if you show any sign of intellect--And the worst part is being vulnerable and only seeing contempt reflecting from their eyes and demeanor--Blah that ends my rant on the current state of doctors I promise 
Damn I hate being this tired as my thoughts are like a hamster on it's exercise wheel haha--Hmmm interesting visual lol--And as always I thank all the friends I have made on this site for their support and kind words--I admit I have no shame basking in the warm light of compliments on my writing hehe--If that makes me vain someone buy me a big mirror haha--But I also welcome any critics who help point out where I can improve it as well--I know I'm an amateur at best right now but we always start somewhere and I have found writing to be a vastly important outlet---So here ya go some more of it...
SYMMETRY BREAKING
When existence seems to fall apart,to have no meaning
Where do I go,and tell me when did I fall?
God I beg let this be a transitory state,and please is that me screaming?
And who will know me now,this figure who seems a stranger
They knew me once,but no longer now
Before I told,before I confessed to them how
The young girl they thought they knew
Had died silently an eternity ago,just an echo in the gloom
And these events obscured by the past
Have come to haunt,this stranger,this marked outcast
How tragic those moments when you can't grasp the flicker of a familiar face in the corner of your eye
But still I march on knowing I'm lost,I will never find my way home
No welcoming smiles or the warmth of embraces, the knowledge I belong
And so the circle is complete
Just another fallacy when the truth departs
A derisive voice crawling out of my mouth
You already fell apart,you are already gone, Y---(a skip and then)
And so again the cycle must restart
Just another moment,the pause between
heartbeats
It is forever,as it never was
The paradox of lies,the scorched ruins of truth
Alpha and Omega,Omega and Alpha
Lexi-----And just for those who may not understand why I would write such morbid,dark things this is my outlet a safe escape from the trauma of being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse---And perhaps now with that knowledge and insight as to why I write,those who have implied I'm just a drama queen will shut their traps before taking the time to understand and even maybe asking me "why"? before passing judgement--I apologize for another rant but that was really bugging me and had to get it off my chest--but of course they wouldn't post just throw words at me in chat--cowards--I write to better understand myself and relate to those who share the same wounds---Thank you and love all of you
---My brother as of Tuesday had his surgery---they took out 8 inches of his small bowel and 1/3 of his colon---Yes OUCH---He's in a lot of pain but finally sleeping as of today when I saw him--He can stand and has walked without the walker finally and the doctors are pleased with his progress but damn the pain is clearly etched on his face though he holds it like a good soldier---He is also very emotional which is to be expected--He so much wants his life back and now that most of the diseased tissue has been removed there is a great possibility his Crohn's will go into complete remission *sigh* We are crossing our fingers---It has been a hard month and for myself I'm exhausted,and in a great deal of pain--For those who don't know, I have Fibromyalgia---As I've said before look it up if ya don't know what it is lol---Don't want to bore anybody with the same shit every update but really it is my life at the moment--The insomnia is really straining my nerves and good humor Okay so it isn't always "good" humor lol,just whatever fits my mood and spirits--I'm not as morbid as I may seem but then I'm not as strong as I try to insist I am---I'm tired of the doctors,their indifference,coldness,and even in some instances cruelty---I didn't go through hell as a child only to have people who claim to be the caretakers of the mind and bodies of the human race to treat me as a burden and unworthy of their help---They demand my complete trust but do not return it--They patronize and grow angry if you show any sign of intellect--And the worst part is being vulnerable and only seeing contempt reflecting from their eyes and demeanor--Blah that ends my rant on the current state of doctors I promise Damn I hate being this tired as my thoughts are like a hamster on it's exercise wheel haha--Hmmm interesting visual lol--And as always I thank all the friends I have made on this site for their support and kind words--I admit I have no shame basking in the warm light of compliments on my writing hehe--If that makes me vain someone buy me a big mirror haha--But I also welcome any critics who help point out where I can improve it as well--I know I'm an amateur at best right now but we always start somewhere and I have found writing to be a vastly important outlet---So here ya go some more of it...
SYMMETRY BREAKING
When existence seems to fall apart,to have no meaning
Where do I go,and tell me when did I fall?
God I beg let this be a transitory state,and please is that me screaming?
And who will know me now,this figure who seems a stranger
They knew me once,but no longer now
Before I told,before I confessed to them how
The young girl they thought they knew
Had died silently an eternity ago,just an echo in the gloom
And these events obscured by the past
Have come to haunt,this stranger,this marked outcast
How tragic those moments when you can't grasp the flicker of a familiar face in the corner of your eye
But still I march on knowing I'm lost,I will never find my way home
No welcoming smiles or the warmth of embraces, the knowledge I belong
And so the circle is complete
Just another fallacy when the truth departs
A derisive voice crawling out of my mouth
You already fell apart,you are already gone, Y---(a skip and then)
And so again the cycle must restart
Just another moment,the pause between
heartbeats
It is forever,as it never was
The paradox of lies,the scorched ruins of truth
Alpha and Omega,Omega and Alpha
Lexi-----And just for those who may not understand why I would write such morbid,dark things this is my outlet a safe escape from the trauma of being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse---And perhaps now with that knowledge and insight as to why I write,those who have implied I'm just a drama queen will shut their traps before taking the time to understand and even maybe asking me "why"? before passing judgement--I apologize for another rant but that was really bugging me and had to get it off my chest--but of course they wouldn't post just throw words at me in chat--cowards--I write to better understand myself and relate to those who share the same wounds---Thank you and love all of you
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
know that even through hard times theres always an end and you seem like such a strong person who will be able to face it all and still have something left to give to others!
amber