whew...
sometimes i feel like my life is living me and im not living it. like its running through my fingers and i keep trying to catch up with it. just looking for that one more hour in the day that i seem to keep losing or somehow not noticing slip by. a perfect example of this is the sudden urge at midnight or 2 in the morning to finally get my act together to start creating crafty art shit and then i realize through a combination of my failing vision and constant yawning and weird irritability, that really, it is too late, and that i really do need to go to sleep...
...and so i go to sleep and start the cycle all over again. another day. more responsibilities and obligations. all of these days add up and i look back and try to remember when i felt like i was actually feeling completely fulfilled, like i was doing everything i wanted to be doing, when i wanted to be doing it.... instead of something else...such as work and other imperative things. ... and i have been realizing as well how this routine has affected the amount of energy that i have been putting into other really important things in my life, such as my friendships. unfortunately, i still have yet to learn the art of making sure to spend ample time with friends, going out, being social....etc... basically just enjoying these amazing people in my life and having fucking great interactions and remembering why it is so important to do this when i actually get my lame ass around to doing it.... its funny. i get into this weird space and start to trip out on why it is that i havent been doing anything with anyone very much and i think that it must be because my friends have forgotten about me, and in the end, really we are all alone, and how come i see other people maintaining awesome relationships, and on an and on in my head.... and then i think to myself: shit, asshole... whens the last time you returned any messages anyways. maybe youre the one who needs to start making that effort and learn how to do this thing called maintaining relationships with those you love.
...im trying. im trying.... really. its getting better.
...because... this morning i did have a lovely breakfast with some really wonderful people. and i now have a fresh kick in the face reminder of why doing things like this constantly (instead of extremely sporadically) is so damn important and necessary.... it puts me back on track with what i need to be doing with my life in a way..... and laughing so hard that coffee splatters all over the menu is a good thing.
...
sometimes i feel like my life is living me and im not living it. like its running through my fingers and i keep trying to catch up with it. just looking for that one more hour in the day that i seem to keep losing or somehow not noticing slip by. a perfect example of this is the sudden urge at midnight or 2 in the morning to finally get my act together to start creating crafty art shit and then i realize through a combination of my failing vision and constant yawning and weird irritability, that really, it is too late, and that i really do need to go to sleep...
...and so i go to sleep and start the cycle all over again. another day. more responsibilities and obligations. all of these days add up and i look back and try to remember when i felt like i was actually feeling completely fulfilled, like i was doing everything i wanted to be doing, when i wanted to be doing it.... instead of something else...such as work and other imperative things. ... and i have been realizing as well how this routine has affected the amount of energy that i have been putting into other really important things in my life, such as my friendships. unfortunately, i still have yet to learn the art of making sure to spend ample time with friends, going out, being social....etc... basically just enjoying these amazing people in my life and having fucking great interactions and remembering why it is so important to do this when i actually get my lame ass around to doing it.... its funny. i get into this weird space and start to trip out on why it is that i havent been doing anything with anyone very much and i think that it must be because my friends have forgotten about me, and in the end, really we are all alone, and how come i see other people maintaining awesome relationships, and on an and on in my head.... and then i think to myself: shit, asshole... whens the last time you returned any messages anyways. maybe youre the one who needs to start making that effort and learn how to do this thing called maintaining relationships with those you love.
...im trying. im trying.... really. its getting better.
...because... this morning i did have a lovely breakfast with some really wonderful people. and i now have a fresh kick in the face reminder of why doing things like this constantly (instead of extremely sporadically) is so damn important and necessary.... it puts me back on track with what i need to be doing with my life in a way..... and laughing so hard that coffee splatters all over the menu is a good thing.
...
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
anyhow yea the dress is coming along well. i cut it up a bit. i bought a courset type thing to go under it. shit wasnt cheap so my tits better look better then they ever have. spray painting shirts is totally my new thing. god everything in my house has gotten painted, it is almost out of control. i have toncilitis or some shit so i have free time...ouch hurts so much.