If I ever had the money, I would surely hire myself a paramedic to have on staff at all times. I'm insanely talented at hurting myself in the most mundane situations.
When I was 19, I was driving down to my ex's house in San Diego. He says to me over the phone "pick up some crackers that you would eat." I'm pissed because I'm driving well over an hour to get to his house and he can't go pick up some god damn crackers on his own. I finally arrive, I park ,and head to the store. Well, there's a short cut to the store and it's down an incline. It's not a cliff side that I have to scale down, it's a slope with some mud and plants that leads to the back of the grocery store. Well, I begin my descent and I really don't remember how it happened but I went ass over tea kettle and wound up on the pavement at the bottom.
My ex was right there and he actually saw me go down. He came and got me, my iPod was smashes, the suspenders I was wearing were crushed and I remember saying and trying to get up on my own (fat chance). I had scraped the shit out of my lower back and my hand came away bloodied from it. He carried me back up to the house and I knocked out for several hours.
When I woke up, my knee was HUGE, a giant soft ball. It was time to go to the ER. He loaded me in to the back of a small SUV and I remember how difficult it was, not being able to extend my knee. We went to the ER and they took care of me. They questioned my dude for domestic abuse (too bad it wasn't a few years later, or I could have gotten him in trouble). Turns out I fractured my tibial plateau. Fortunately I had just missed damaging it enough to need pins so it was a brace for 8 weeks and crutches. It turned into a very dark point in my life since I couldn't drive myself anywhere which led to a lot of person issues.
Today, walking to my car to head to school, my ankle rolled out from under me. Which my loaded backpack and two binders in my hand, I took a dive into the pavement pool with full force. I felt myself skid but had to get up and carry on (I was running late). My knees burned the whole way to school and my legs felt wobbly.
I did a fucking number on myself just from taking a spill on pavement. I definitely need a medic, and a handler, and someone to carry me around.
What's one of the most unique ways you've injured yourself?
