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soporific

Member Since 2004

Followers 19 Following 20

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Thursday Apr 21, 2005

Apr 21, 2005
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<rant>

Why does all of this have to be so fucking hard? Why do I have to feel like a criminal every time I call you after a hard day and need somebody to talk to. Mind you, I had no friends to talk to for a year so you'd expect the person who imposed this isolation on me would be at least a "teeeeny" bit more understanding? "I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired." That's all I hear. Well, I am fucking tired too and unlike you who just works his fucking boring office job, I go to school full time AND work. But yet I'm never too tired for you or your whining & complaining. But I have to feel guilty and upset and pathetic every time I need some fucking comfort cause I'm the "needy" one with the anxiety fits. I want to go back to my old life. I want to wake up next to the person I used to wake up to every morning. Apparently I'm never going to find somebody who actually gives a shit about me. (the thing with me is that I only give a shit if you do) I hate this fucking place! Why is calling an issue? Why is driving an issue? Why is paying for anything an issue? It NEVER was an issue before. As a matter of fact all of my ex's have called me to make sure I'd gotten home safely after seeing them. But now, now I'm not allowed to call on Monday or on Tuesday cause it'd only been a couple days since the weekend.
Last night I was with Vince, we were hanging out at his place watching movies, smoking insanely good pot when I got a call from you, in your fucking passionless monotone. I told you to call me later & that I'd talk to you tomorrow. Then starts the fucking drama--"Who are you with?" "Is he male?" "What's his name?" "Are you doing this on purpose?" "Are you making out?" FUCK YOU! For the first time in a year I'm having a life and a friend I like being with and all of a sudden the man that said he trusted me is insanely jealous because I'm not at home wallowing in self-pity. When the point of trust was brought up,you're prepared. "You remember things that happened in like January and you won't let go." You know what you fucking whore, any other broad would leave you in the blink of an eye when she found out you had given her chlamydia so don't fucking tell ME I don't let go.
That's it. Fuck dating. I'm not fucking dating immature bastards whose second longest relationship lasted two weeks. I might be 19 but I've had more experience when it comes to knowing what I want, what I need and what a normal man should be like. So stop fucking implying that I was a troubled teen because I was dating somebody 10 years older when I was 16. At least he was more fun than you. And don't tell me that my preferring to confide in my ex is unusual because at least he never judges me and is never too busy for me.

</rant>

PS: You don't have to read or comment on this. I needed to write and get this out and prepare for tonight.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
megz:
its ok girl.....i been telling you the same thing for months.....now just do it kiss
Apr 21, 2005
bleakronin:
Rant on please...I just got through a similar situation very, very recently. Everything was finalized yesterday even though it had been over two-months ago. This girl whom I thought cared for me immensely just decided I wasn't good enough for anything especially to broken up with in person. frown It really sounds like you need to get out of this relationship because it's causing you nothing but pain. I mean if he gets jelous because you go out and decide to hang out with friends then he's got some serious problems. And secondly, which should actully be most important, he should always be there for you when you need someone to talk to about a shitty day or whatever. That's part of what a caring mate does. I'm sorry girl you need to wake up and kick this asshole out of your life. If you don't your gonna become one of those girls that become cynical to relationships and just come to expect being treated like crap and you obviously deserve better then that (him specifically). And that chlamedia thing...that should've been your big clue right there to ditch the bitch.

Hope I haven't insulted you by voicing my opinion on the matter but feel that no one else should have to go through the same shit I've been going through. Take care. kiss
Apr 21, 2005

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