Wanna see something funny?
Hahaha! Here goes!
"Here's a true testimonial about this boy
I need not say man because he is the complete opposite of a man or at least what a man should be
I dated this kid quite some years and he was the worst boyfriend ever and worst ex for that matter always lying about me saying I cheated on him which I never did then saying that I have diseases
that I'm stupid which he even said to my face when we were dating along with every other insult you can think of he was always making me cry I'd call and he'd be with other girls telling me to just deal with it when I knew he was messing around with them
oh and the very same day he broke up with me because he wanted to mess around with girls
he had a threesome with two girls I was already suspicious of him messing around with
but oh I apparently had just been being jealous for no reason
he always tried to change me when there was nothing to change I don't feel like listing off everything it'd take too long and I'd forget some but my god what a mistake I made"
Alright... I'm going to start by saying I'm not going to waste too much breathe on this, and I'm not an argumentative person, so I'm going to type for the sake of both humour, and clarity (because I'm so fucking perplexed by some of this shit)...
First of all, whether or not you agree, my definition of "cheating" is... well... essentially anything considered morally wrong, anything you wouldn't do in front of your mate, or anything you wouldn't want your partner to do with you, all concerning a person of the opposite sex (assuming you're straight, that is).
This includes putting some idiot-who-isn't-your-boyfriend's dick in your mouth because you wanted a ride home. Hahaha. True story!
And I'll openly admit that I've said someone was stupid. I'll also admit, I find it ridiculously stupid when you find out your ditz-doughnut-girlfriend was pantsless in some other guy's bed drunk out of her mind "but she doesn't remember the rest", from someone who isn't her. Oh, and the whole while she "never told you where [she] was going, so it's not like [she] lied about it in the first place...".
I've never cheated in my life. I like to keep that higher ground. I wouldn't wish the fate that this confused ignorant girl put me through on anyone else but her. Friends, no matter their gender were there for me. Insisting that I had intimate relationship with thim because they were girls? I find that to be sexist.
I broke up with your dumbass because I was sick of you hopping on the drunken-slutty-bar-star-bandwagon that once swore was the most shallow thing in the planet, like the rest of your friends. You didn't think for yourself, you simply emulated those who you thought recieved the most attention. This coupled with the fact that you pretty much fooled around with, or tried to fool around with, all of my fucking friends I've ever had over the course of eight years. And when you finally learned that trying to sleep with my friends, I hear about it pretty quick, you ended up sleeping with randoms at bars. Word of mouth travels quick when you're the town bicycle.
I like the immature jealous assumptions that I dumped your ignorant and jaded ass because I wanted to fool around with other people. As if I'm that fucking one-dimensional! Haha! The sexiest part of a woman is her mentality... Hence another reason why you were no longer attractive.
Only someone as closed-minded and oblivious and deceptive as yourself would assume I left a relationship for something as petty as the one thing you think about.
There's so much more to life...
As for the "trying to change you", well you got me there... I guess it was too much to ask when I insisted that it was okay for you to become an honest person. I really tried to bless you with integrity. I really tried to make you worth my love. I guess you weren't the only one in denial afterall... I did try to change you. I was sick of you being a lying, theiving, slutty, attention-whore. And I can admit that.
You are the biggest Miss Take I've ever fucking met.
It's a shame you haven't grown.
I won't get back together with you this time for it, but I really pity you. You are seriously the most one-dimensional creature I've ever stumbled across. Everything you do is for image, and nothing for growth of being and expansion of mind...
Nobody is going to remember you once you're dead and gone if you spend more time talking about being happy than actually working towards achieving it... No offense, but if you spent half as much time applying yourself to a greater good as you did droning on and on and on and fucking on about how much fun a (midget) rebound with abs is, or how fun NASCAR is, or what tattoo you blatantly ripped off of someone you find to be more attractive than yourself - strictly for "bragging rights"... Welll... You don't have to be a fuckin' genius to figure that one out...
Don't you have a reason to live?
Or do you just lack a reason to die?
Hahaha! Here goes!
"Here's a true testimonial about this boy
I need not say man because he is the complete opposite of a man or at least what a man should be
I dated this kid quite some years and he was the worst boyfriend ever and worst ex for that matter always lying about me saying I cheated on him which I never did then saying that I have diseases
that I'm stupid which he even said to my face when we were dating along with every other insult you can think of he was always making me cry I'd call and he'd be with other girls telling me to just deal with it when I knew he was messing around with them
oh and the very same day he broke up with me because he wanted to mess around with girls
he had a threesome with two girls I was already suspicious of him messing around with
but oh I apparently had just been being jealous for no reason
he always tried to change me when there was nothing to change I don't feel like listing off everything it'd take too long and I'd forget some but my god what a mistake I made"
Alright... I'm going to start by saying I'm not going to waste too much breathe on this, and I'm not an argumentative person, so I'm going to type for the sake of both humour, and clarity (because I'm so fucking perplexed by some of this shit)...
First of all, whether or not you agree, my definition of "cheating" is... well... essentially anything considered morally wrong, anything you wouldn't do in front of your mate, or anything you wouldn't want your partner to do with you, all concerning a person of the opposite sex (assuming you're straight, that is).
This includes putting some idiot-who-isn't-your-boyfriend's dick in your mouth because you wanted a ride home. Hahaha. True story!
And I'll openly admit that I've said someone was stupid. I'll also admit, I find it ridiculously stupid when you find out your ditz-doughnut-girlfriend was pantsless in some other guy's bed drunk out of her mind "but she doesn't remember the rest", from someone who isn't her. Oh, and the whole while she "never told you where [she] was going, so it's not like [she] lied about it in the first place...".
I've never cheated in my life. I like to keep that higher ground. I wouldn't wish the fate that this confused ignorant girl put me through on anyone else but her. Friends, no matter their gender were there for me. Insisting that I had intimate relationship with thim because they were girls? I find that to be sexist.
I broke up with your dumbass because I was sick of you hopping on the drunken-slutty-bar-star-bandwagon that once swore was the most shallow thing in the planet, like the rest of your friends. You didn't think for yourself, you simply emulated those who you thought recieved the most attention. This coupled with the fact that you pretty much fooled around with, or tried to fool around with, all of my fucking friends I've ever had over the course of eight years. And when you finally learned that trying to sleep with my friends, I hear about it pretty quick, you ended up sleeping with randoms at bars. Word of mouth travels quick when you're the town bicycle.
I like the immature jealous assumptions that I dumped your ignorant and jaded ass because I wanted to fool around with other people. As if I'm that fucking one-dimensional! Haha! The sexiest part of a woman is her mentality... Hence another reason why you were no longer attractive.
Only someone as closed-minded and oblivious and deceptive as yourself would assume I left a relationship for something as petty as the one thing you think about.
There's so much more to life...
As for the "trying to change you", well you got me there... I guess it was too much to ask when I insisted that it was okay for you to become an honest person. I really tried to bless you with integrity. I really tried to make you worth my love. I guess you weren't the only one in denial afterall... I did try to change you. I was sick of you being a lying, theiving, slutty, attention-whore. And I can admit that.
You are the biggest Miss Take I've ever fucking met.
It's a shame you haven't grown.
I won't get back together with you this time for it, but I really pity you. You are seriously the most one-dimensional creature I've ever stumbled across. Everything you do is for image, and nothing for growth of being and expansion of mind...
Nobody is going to remember you once you're dead and gone if you spend more time talking about being happy than actually working towards achieving it... No offense, but if you spent half as much time applying yourself to a greater good as you did droning on and on and on and fucking on about how much fun a (midget) rebound with abs is, or how fun NASCAR is, or what tattoo you blatantly ripped off of someone you find to be more attractive than yourself - strictly for "bragging rights"... Welll... You don't have to be a fuckin' genius to figure that one out...
Don't you have a reason to live?
Or do you just lack a reason to die?
VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
cinnamongurl:
Uh, yeah she's fuckin nuts, nuff said!

troa:
Ha. I love crazy ex stories. That one was extremely satisfying.
