sonofapunk

A letter written to a dear friend of mine. Beautiful human being, we just conflicted a lot on a lot of beliefs, so I wrote her one big letter explaining who I am, and I accept her for who she is, no matter what... And then I realized it explains a lot about me that few people know, so I'd post it here, on my super-secret internet-journal! Haha!








Hey buddy. I just want to clarify.

I don't want you to think I am trying to be argumentative and confrontational. I don't need conflict, you don't need conflict, fuck it all. I'm just trying to understand. I am not trying to push my beliefs on you. And I'm not trying to adopt a new belief system. I am not trying to ridicule you or belittle you for the way you think at all. I respect you immenseley. I just would love to understand how you think, how you work, and the like. I don't expect, or even want, you to believe how I believe. If that were the case, I'd be selfish and you would be doing yourself a great injustice as an individual. I'm a really simple being with an adoration for new things, concepts and understandings.

I will admit, that I like to believe there is an answer to everything, yes. Because although you and I cannot understand it just yet, doesn't mean it lacks an answer. Although you care not for finding the answer, I am completely the opposite. For the sake of explanation... 500 years ago every single person on Earth had absolutely no idea why the sky was blue. Advances in science and technology allowed people to verify and understand the light prism system, and ultimately, the answer to why the sky is blue came with an answer. We ask questions today that nobody can really answer based on anything except personal beliefs. But maybe one day there will be an answer. Maybe one day we'll have rocket-ships that can cut through worm-holes in space, and they found out there actually is a "Centre of the Universe" and they ask the giant floating brain who lives there, and controls and creates everything in said Universe... And maybe we'll have our answer. But right now, who knows?

I am not trying to contest you. I mean no harm, and the discussions that we get in are friendly banter. You now more about me, and I know more about you. I can't speak for you, but I know that although I see you're living an "unhappy" and less eventful lifestyle compared to mine, I think no less of you. I am not anybody to judge or criticize. No matter what you do or say to may about how either you or I think, I will be your friend by the end of the conversation. We're not born-again Christians here, there's no reason why shouldn't remain friends despite a difference in our own beliefs.

I am in every way as simple and as complex of a being as you. Amanda and Christoph are equal, and neither is any better or less of a person than the other. Whereas you are accepting, I am accepting as well, just in order to make the world a better place. Why? Why don't I just accept how things are and live? Because although nobody's perfect, and nothing will ever be perfect, we sure as fuck can strive to make the world a perfect place. I'm a really simple being. I want everyone happy and to have fun. A perfect world to me is one where everyone is understanding and sympathetic to their common man. Fuck govermental systems, I'm talking person-to-person here. I hate politics and all things with them. They just infuriate me. For this, some people call me a "Communist". But to be honest, I barely understand the concept of communism. I mentioned a "perfect world" before. My opinion of a perfect world is different from another person's perfect world. For example, there are many people out there who think that the perfect world is one without Jewish people, Black people and Gay people. And who am I to push my beliefs on them? Nobody. It's clear to see that although everyone is entitled to their beliefs, this belief system is purely confrontational and its main focus is on prejudice, hatred, and purism. To live by these three things is generally closed-minded, and it causes someone (being a whole race, all the way down to the individual) to be a victim. Why would anyone want anyone else to be a victim? If you don't like being punched in the face, why would you punch other people in the face? We're all on this big spinny rock called Earth together, so why don't we all get along? Together we can do so much more as a race. Not a race of brown, black, white, yellow, red, blue, green, or purple people... but as a race of human beings. Together, with equal opportunities for all, and a mentality of keeping peace on Earth, we will all evolve, grow and learn more. And who knows, maybe we'll be able to answer every question we can come up with sooner than we thought.

The reason we're different... Well... I guess we've had such seperate paths in life, yet here, (mostly) over the internet, we've somehow crossed paths, and long story short, you're reading this e-mail, as different as you and I may be. I've seen many fucked up things and I've seen many good things. My mother was an extremely political punk rocker who fought for human and animal rights. Pro-choice. Anti-Racism, Anti-Sexism, Anti-Homophobia, Anti-Globalization. She stood up for the little guys, the minorities, and those who couldn't fight for themselves. Nobody should be a victim. She explained to me, at a very young age, that she is my mother and she will "love me no matter what I do, choose, or believe". For this I am thankful. Eventually she developed a few mental illnesses here and there, and although there's a good person on the inside, she's really skittish and sometimes extremely hard to get along with. But it was taught to me that basically, there are good people, and bad people. And not in a generalize-everyone-sort-of-way, because to every rule there is an exception and generalizing people is wrong. But there's people who cause hurt to other people. A big one my mom talked a lot about was Neo-Nazis. Although it's nobody's place to say what someone should believe in, they believe in a system that causes people to suffer. What the fuck is the point in that? Nobody would like it if their child was murdered because of the colour of their skin, so why do that to someone else? These people take these things too far, are active bullies, and suppress individuals and minorities alike. If I don't cause hurt to you, why should I undergo hurt? Should I just accept this?

No.

Unity. Hence the "punk rock lifestyle". There's a lot more to me than being just a "punk rocker". I am a complete individual who is part of a group that fights to make this world a better place. I've seen men stomped into the ground so hard that their brains have actually touched the fucking cement over something so stupid as having black skin. I don't want that to happen to anyone. Am I a fucking super-hero? Not by any means. But I sure as fuck will do my best to make the world a better place. Someone lost a husband, a father, a son, the day that man was puddled into the asphalt. I cannot, and will not accept this. If this was happening to me or my people, I would like for some assistance from somebody at least.

Now we may joke about how all punks are elitist fashion-whores who shoot heroin and hate the man. But the truth is, like any group, it's filled with individuals. Individuals gather, and for small sects in subcultures, sometimes they're given lables, sometimes not. Some people call me "Unity Punk". Some people actually call me a hero. Some people actually hate me because I wear clean clothes and "make punk rock look bad for not keeping it elite". I judge not. So fucking what?

I am intolerant to the intolerant. I am accepting to everyone else.The closed minded simply need education, but if you've ever tried sitting down and having a civil conversation about beliefs with a Neo-Nazi you'll see that not a single one of them is generally accepting and open-minded and willing to take other beliefs systems into consideration, let alone the feelings of another individual. Education tends not to help most of these people. They're more likely to get a gang of their friends to shitkick you and call you "niggerlover" before they put themselves in someone else's shoes. Now here's the sticky part: What I'm doing to these people right now - judging. But this is based on experience. I've met many. I've seen what they're generally like. I have several examples to form an opinion of Neo-Nazis. And long story short, they're not good people. I am a good person. I want everyone to be happy. I want everyone to get along. I want peace. Anyone who does not like me for these things (and believe me, there are many), obviously does not want the world to be a better place. To themselves, sure having "all niggers, jews and fags eliminated will make the world a better place". And who am I to judge, right? How about a good fucking person. It's common sense that violence, let alone violence based on fascism and prejudice is not a good thing.

This is one of many examples of things that are wrong today. And I will not accept it. I have friends of all races, creeds, beliefs and sexualities. As long as you don't victimize anyone, you are a friend of mine.

Unity.

Although they have generally been stereotyped due to many shitty examples in the past from many "icons", punks are good people. My brothers and my sisters. Although I am not so simply defined by some of the music I listen to and my mohawk. Hence the name "PunkerSlut". I got that nickname for several reasons. One being I was raised a punk, but gained a rather broad horizon for tastes in music. I like everything, except most country I hear and most gangster-rap. I have very "Slutty" tastes. Yet my roots are in the punk lifestyle. I get around when it comes to likes an interests. Another reason is I have had sex with about 5 women a day, all new women each day, for a three month period. That's a story on its own, but there are many reasons for the nickname. It's more than just something as my name on the internet. It's me.

I fit in well with punks because they practically all share the same mentality and goals... They've all been stepped on at some point, in one way or another, which made them realize things aren't necessarily the way things should be. I used to fucking HATE politics and political activity. But I've since been educated, and our world's in a downward spiral. My purpose on Earth before was (and, in part, now, still is...) to have as much fun as possible. Ignore political bullshit. Ignore the way the government is run. Ignore everything that doesn't affect me on a daily basis, basically. But some shit happened to me (basically saw how the world works first hand, grew up a little, got shat on here and there), and now, almost in the most stereotypically-punk-rock of manners, hate the fucking police, want to revolt against the government, and I stand up for what's right, for all people. Since punks have been shat on, they're usually the most down-to-Earth people about things. They also have the most fun. But they serve a purpose, and although some may be elitist fucking jackasses about it, the majority of us are open-minded, caring individuals. Hence the deep brotherhood with one-another. We support Unity. We stand up for what is right. We are good people (again, with everything, there are exceptions). Started with the homeless kids, the angry neglected kids, and that's where the "fashion" comes from. Although what you wear doesn't make who you are, the hair, the leather, the spikes, the shoes/boots, several belts... I found, that for the educated folk among us, it allows you to see who you can call a brother and sister before actually meeting someone. Why do you think we hate Nazi-Punks so much? 'Cause they emulate us and make us look bad by reversing our ideals in the most ingorant of manners. 99% of all punks I've ever met have been genuinely good people. It's the world's biggest group of friends, and everyone's invited. I fit in well here. I've been born and raised into this...

Again, I am not so simply defined though. There's a lot to me. As with you. As with anyone else...

I am just who I am. Despite labels, generalizations, etc. I am still an individual.

I am me.

Christoph is Christoph.

The reason I find everything has an answer, is because life, existence, the Universe... It's a series of patterns. It's how you and I were able to learn this language, it's how we were able to evolve to where we are not, and it's how the rock we're on sustains life on it. Genetic patterns. Astrological patterns. Behavioral patterns. It's how we understand, it's a form of coping, it's present in every day and happens everywhere. It's the only way we can predict anything, and it's the only way we understand anything. Patterns.

There is an answer to everything if you dig deep enough, and in the right spot. The reason those Neo's stomped that black man was because they were raised by their parents who shared those beliefs, who were raised by their parents who shared those beliefs, and so on and so forth. Behavioral patterns, a product of conditioning.

The way we found out the sky was blue. We discovered the light prisms and how light reflects, stops, and passes through certain things. We applied this theory to water, the surface of 80% of the planet and discovered it causes us to see blue.

The reason you go to work in the morning, the reason you go to bed, the reason you do anything... You have a basic understanding as to what to expect. You know the building you work at is still going to be there, where it was the day before, to provide a place for you to earn money each day. You go to bed knowing that you are going to wake up in the morning. You do your laundry knowing you're going to need it clean... Patterns. It's the only way the human mind can learn anything. Memory is key to survival ("Ow. Pointed stick breaks skin. Never fall on pointed stick again. Pick up pointed stick and slam into things to eat and for defense."). And we only memorize things if they happen a series of times. If not eventually, than through our mind. Anything you know now, you only know because it's either happened a bunch of times or you've repeated it in your head a bunch of times (or have been forced to repeat it in your head a bunch of times).

Our life on this planet: Big bang. Rock floating through space. Rock gets locked for a period of time in circular gravitational pull of ball of energy. Chemicals react on rock. Chemicals bump into eachother on rock. Life is created on rock. Life is sustained on rock due to fluke placement of rock in Universe. Chemicals and bacteria bump into one another and so-on and so-forth, and create us. Made up of chemicals. What you see, feel, do, are all chemical reactions inside your head. You are human. You are reading this. Fibers on a grey organ in your head expand, chemicals bunch up and swim around and do what chemicals do. And this causes what we refer to as "a thought". Every thought is a chemically induced charge, triggering small fibers and other charges and other chemicals.

Your eyes see the bear coming at you, eyes send image to brain, brain recognizes danger and sets off chemicals and charges in your body that are associated to what your brain has been evolved to use as the "Fight Or Flight System". Adrenaline goes nuts. You feel the energy. You do what comes instinctively...

Now here's where it gets philosophical and after-lifey... If not, borderline spiritual...

I think, therefore I am. I can't simply hit the dirt and start decomposing, can I? What will that feel like? What will I experience?

Some people say a magical man who lives in the sky lets you walk around his super-happy-fun-bonus-deluxe playground for the rest of eternity. Some say your being gets transferred into another living organism, and the cycle repeats, for eternity. Some say that we hit the dirt and decompose...

Long story short, logic dictates we all die. Wherein lies a change. This is fact. This is science. Nobody lives forever.

But although science pretty much says there's no way there's a big invisible man in the sky, there's also this: Energy does not disappear. Energy can only turn into other energies. We have energy within out being. Where it goes? Who the fuck knows. For all we know it goes into another living organism and we become reincarnated, forever and ever. Or maybe it flies around the Universe for eternity. Maybe religious nuts aren't far off... Who knows. That's a fun thing to ponder on its own.

But I, as an individual, believe only in what can be proven. I will consider everything I encounter, but most will not be for me. I will only accept to be a reasonable and logical answer for anything. I can apply several Laws (physics, gravity, etc.), my experiences, and I can make my best judgement on what to believe in.

I can accept things for how they are and how they work, or I can use the way the Universe works, recognize patterns, and stop the evil, emphasize on the good, and make the world a better place. Instead of accepting the fact that some children get molested, I'd much rather not allow any children to be molested in the future, or at least strive for that goal. It has been proven that 95% of all child molestors were the victims of sexual abuse as a child themselves (it creates a sexual complex in children that matures during puberty, they were demonstrated sexually explicit behavior at a young age, so it's locked in the brain that young is right). Instead of locking them up after they victimize someone, we can study them, learn how to prevent it from happening again and give the victims in these horrible cases the therapy and help they need to not repeat the viscious cycle again. Instead of just accepting the fact that bad things happen, we can prevent bad things from happening to people in the future.

Why, you have asked? Why prevent bad things?

Because when people aren't victimized they are happy, happy people make other people happy, and a lot of people become happy. Positive energy and actions snowball and create great chains of events.

The world's a shallow place right now due to modern media. Everyone fears terrorism, everyone wants money, everyone wants to emulate what the most overrated people on Earth are doing and wearing and eating... We are all under control by the same forces. It's the way religion was plotted out, the way the financial system was plotted out, the way the government was made... To keep certain people in control, to suppress the people and make sure everyone is a sheep. Everyone is hungry for more money and power. (If you have two hours to kill, please watch this free movie. http://www.zeitgeist.com - It's a really good documentary.)

Jimmy Hendrix once said "Once people realize the power of love over the love of power, the world will then know peace."

A lot of people are unhappy. Consuming and purchasing, living in fear (demonstrated in Bowling for Columbine).

Unhappy people don't do much but focus on what's wrong. They aren't very productive. They are the bitchiest, moaniest people on the planet. They play the victim all the time because it's all they know. Some people are spoiled with a wealthy family, never work a day in their life and they think they got it bad when they break a nail. Some people are raped and beaten mercilessly and they think it's their fault and it's all they'll ever know. Too many people are unhappy. Too many people are being victimized...

But I don't look at it that way. I look at it this way: Not enough people are happy.

(The glass is half full.)

Whatever you focus on, whatever your goals, they will come true as long as you want them enough. I think there needs to be more happy people as opposed to "less unhappy people". (All this is demonstrated in another film, called "The Secret". It's common sense. Those who bitch the most about health issues are more ill than anyone else. Those who bitch most about money are in debt more than anyone else.)

And my goals are, I want this world to be a better place. I want everyone as happy as I am. I want smiles and sunshine and all that lame sappy shit you see in cartoons for three year olds.

We can do so much more as people together. Without hate-crimes, without prejudice, without fascism, without any of all the nagative blockage holding a lot of people down, we can all live happier.

Now you said yourself that you don't know what happy is...

That is a product of conditioning. You still have the two chemicals in your head that make happy. They just need help bumping into one another... Happy is a chemical reaction. Sad is a chemical reaction. So is every emotion you can think of. (How do you think they've come up with little pills that make you happier? Anti-Depressants only aid chemical imbalance, not fix them entirely. You're still human.)

You've been dragged through a lot of shit, Amanda Schindelka. All of it, you did not deserve. Circumstances beyond your control were at work, and by fluke (flukes much like all things in this Universe) they caused some nasty reactions. I'm really sorry you've been through what you've been through... But that doesn't mean there's a big whole wide world of beautiful things for you to enjoy and experience. Bad shit doesn't just happen. Good shit doesn't just happen. Things only happen when you let them happen.

"Why let things happen? What's the point?"

It might be irritating to hear, but living happily is better than just living. You won't just get up out of bed and go to work. You will actually end up enjoying and embracing each day. You will do more, people will see you smile and they'll smile with you.

Whether you like to admit it or not there a whole bunch of things on this planet that you enjoy. Music. Art. Fuck... Who knows, Captain Crunch Cereal? Whatever there is that makes you happy, you gotta embrace it.

There's more to life than waking up, working, sleeping, and repeating until you die. You are a really unique person, and it'd be a shame to watch a personality go to waste. You gotta share yourself, motherfucker. 'Cause even when you're being a marose pain in the ass, you're still fun. To me, anyhow. I find great enjoyment in our little talks. (My sincere apologies if you've taken offense to our little talks. I meant no harm. Only to explore you as a being. You are extremely interesting. If I irritate, please feel free to quit talking to me altogether). You have a lot to you. Although you may be Apathy incarnate, there's layer after layer of personality in you, and from what I gather, you are a good person.

A rock in the universe... Fluke after fluke of chemical reactions... Air in my lungs, a beating heart in my chest... Out of ALL the things going on in this Universe, this very second... Of all the infinite possibilities of matter and energies mixing and colliding and seperating... Out of any reaction anywhere in time and space... I am so fucking lucky to have two chemicals come together to produce a feeling of joy. For this, I am thankful. The odds that two such chemicals would reside in a bag of chemicals such as myself, in a Universe so large, and for them to come together...

Holy fuck. What are the odds?!

So I am not going to let this crazy coincidence of matter and energy go to waste. I want to do everything there is that I can do on this spinny little rock. And I want everyone to have fun and be happy too. I am going to enjoy my time as much as possible. I am not going to hit the dirt and start to decompose without a few scars, a shitload of stories, and legend behind me, whether anyone hears it or not.

I want people to remember when I'm gone for someone who wanted to make everyone smile. To "not be forgotten" is a fucking insult. Fuck that shit. I want to be remembered. When I die, I want people to celebrate the life I had each day, not the mourn the death I had just that one time. (And when I die, this is going on record here, I would like my remains cremated, diamondized into a little diamond, and then shot into space (all of these things actually do-able to corpses and the like these days). That way, I'll float around for an eternity, with my DNA in there somewhere, get larger and larger and larger, until one day, billions of millenia from now, I'll smack into a planet (maybe whiping out a civilization!) and my DNA will be within the mess somewhere, and maybe I'll have a whole planet based on me! Muahahahahahaaaaaa!) So I'm there for my friends why they need me, and I'm there to make them smile and laugh every other time in between... I am going to do what I can to make this world a better place, both by making everyone I encounter happy in person, and by doing good things for all of mankind such as demonstrating and supporting fairness for all men and women of all types. Equal Rights. Human Rights. Animal Rights.

After all, I suppose am a simple person.

I just want to be happy.

And I want the world to be happy with me.


Live. Love.
- Christoph "PunkerSlut" Leon