sonofapunk

I don't know what to say.

I guess I should have known all along.

Can people change?

I won't generalize.

I suppose some people can.

I sure as fuck can.

But then there's some people out there who try to fuck with you.

They lie. They say they've changed, but really they've just faked who they really are.

Does that make them bad people? No. Just kind of makes them fucking losers who need to grow up. But they'll say they've grown up. Hell, they'll even think so. It's called denial. Or delusions.

Immature. Fake. Dishonest.

No thanks.

I'm done.

I had enough of that with highschool, no need to drag it with me.

And they'll probably say the same thing.

It used to be so fun, so much in common. But I realize now that these people emulate whatever is an attractive lifestyle within a close radius because they lack the ability to think for themselves. They get tattoos that other people have, dress whatever will get them the most attention, try way too hard to hang around with whoever will make them look better.

And I realize now that I was only around these people to try to help them. Out of pity. Out of habit. Out of the goodness in my heart.

Then they take said goodness and fuck with it.

They'll try hard to show you how better off they are without you, how much happier they are in life now that they have someone with one more beneficial trait. Or the old things they used to "love about you", are now the opposite. Turns out they love the stereotypical shit afterall. No matter how much your unique ________ made them ________, as soon as there's any sign of conflict, they're making sure there's evidence for you to see that they've been lying all along.

These people change their mind like the weather. Whatever makes them seem happier at that point in time.

Nothings worse than faking that you're happy.

Whether you're trying to convince yourself, or others, you're a waste of a human life until you quit convincing and start living.

Always taking the easy route.

Always cuttin' corners.

Always doing what's best for the now, not for the rest of their life.

(And I thought I was living in the moment! Haha! At least I'm not self-desctructive. I live. I love. To the fullest. Everyday. I'm genuinely happy.)

Instead of showing it off and trying too hard, why not "be it", instead of "looking like it"?

Grow up. Be yourself. For yourself. By yourself.

There's more to life than pity, sympathy and pettiness. And trust me, it's fucking beautiful on the other side, over here, next to me.

Waste your time doing things "cause they did it".

It's all a matter of perspective.

"If they jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?"

I honestly don't know what your fucking answer would be, haha!

"An eye for an eye, and we'll all be blind."

You got a lot of growing up to do.

And to be honest, I don't see it fucking happening.

You still fuck for attention.

You still fuck for reassurance.

You drink to fit in.

Nothing wrong with conforming, as long as it isn't for all the wrong reasons.

I don't regret you. I fucking pity you. You're a fuckin' terrible trainwreck I can't take my eyes off of, but at the same time, I don't wanna see.

I sincerely feel so... so sorry for you.

I'm not being negative, or insulting here. I really, really, sincerely do, from the bottom of my heart.

To see you... Let alone any human being in such a sorry state... It honestly... honestly brings me close to tears. I want to cry for you...

But everytime I get that urge, you fuckin' spin around and give me a large dose of "life's so good"... And you're so lost and tangled in your web of bullshit lies, that you almost convince me as well.

I don't have to say "go fuck yourself". You're doing it already.

You're so transparent. Not always a bad thing. Just a pitiful one in this case. Well... I guess it is a bad thing if your intentions are bad.

You didn't turn into everything you said you're not. You were it all along, and slapped on a lot of make-up to hide it.

You traded love for glamour. You traded sincerity for daterape. You traded substance for flash. You traded heart for attention.

You traded everything for nothing.

So go ahead...
Take silly little photographs of your boyfriend with clawmarks on his lame tattoos. Boast to everybody your ex knows about how awesome he is. Hang out with people who go clubbing at bars where people pretend they don't want to be dateraped. Party the most. Do more drugs. Drink more. Buy more clothes. Try to look prettier. Listen to the trendiest music. Ride shotgun in really fast cars. Tell more than one person that they mean more than anyone else to you, all at the same time. Say "I Love You" when you don't mean it. Fake interest to fit in. Do what you do best: fake and lie and submit and obey. Take poor-quality, sleazy pictures of parts of you that would bring attention to you. 'Cause hey, negative attention is better than no attention, right? Be alone, pretend you're not. Kid yourself that you're appreciated.

Go ahead. It's all yours.

There's more to life.

And I don't have to take a picture of it to prove that I'm happy, because being balls-deep in it twenty-four-fucking-seven is way more fun and fulfilling than wasting my time playing show-and-tell with all the people who still think life is a competition.




I'm better than you.

I'm happier than you.

I fucking mean it when I say "I wish you were here..."
For your sake...

The weather's always beautiful up here, and I can't be bothered to look so far down anymore to keep checking up on you.

So my chin's up.

And the sun is shining.

How dark is it down there?

Is it lonely?

What kind of person keeps digging when they hit rock bottom?

Well, apparently... One who's told to...




Again, wish you were here.




Live.
Love.
Both of which?
...Yourself.
- Christoph "PunkerSlut" Leon