sonofapunk

I look funny. I'm loud and offensive. I dress funny. I have a mohawk and all the little strange accessories that come with it. I have the biggest sense of humour in the world, and there's humour in everything, so I laugh at "inappropriate" things sometimes. My parents are by no means conventional. I was raised completely open-minded and free.

I'm no stranger to negative attention.

But, boy, is my heart a little tangled right now.

My goal in life is to make the world a better place. Hands fucking down. That's my goal. I want to make people fucking happy. By being happy myself, and doing everything I can for everyone else to make them happy too. I'm here for everyone, open-minded and unbiased. No prejudice or assumptions here. I help everyone.

I want to make the world a better place, one smile at a time. One good feeling at a time. Hence my dream career in the film business. I don't want money. What fucking good is money? Money brings nothing but troubles. Fucking rights I want fame. Is that greedy? No. I want fame because I know I fucking deserve it. And in a completely selfless way. I just want people to take something I've created and enjoy it. That's all films are: a series of feelings that you enjoy in one way or another. I want people to know that I want them to feel good. I want them to enjoy what I can do for them. I want them to know that Christoph Leon made this just for them so they can take it and enjoy it. I want them to know that. I want to be known as a good person. I want to be remembered as a good person.

I am a good person.

I've never done anything wrong or "bad" in my life. Hear me out on this one: I've done my fair share of things that weren't the smartest things I could have done in those specific situations. Everyone has. It's called growing up. But I've taken those events and learned from them, how to avoid causing hurt, or how to avoid the situation alltogether. I had my reasons for doing the dumb things I've done. But by no means were they "wrong". At the time, they obviously felt right enough for me to act (or not act) upon. I had my reasons and my own experiences and my own perspective brought to the table at that precise time, and I did what I did because it's all I knew. If I know it wasn't the smartest choice, then it wasn't a bad thing I've done. "Bad" would be doing something so severe it'd damage another person so extremely they took it with them for a long time, or not learning from that situation. I've never done this.

I am a good person.

Anything that I've done that anyone disagrees with is their own issue. It's called "perspective".

I'm not a nun. I'm not religious. I'm not completely without "sin".

I have no regrets. None. If something wasn't the smartest choice, I've lived, learned, and moved on.

I've lived and learned.

But there's lots I do that many people wouldn't agree with:

I commit crimes on an almost weekly basis, but I do so with morals and ethics. I don't steal from people. I don't do anything to endanger anyone else but myself. I'm smart about it. I don't wanna hurt anybody. Stealing from big companies is pretty much all I do. Big name record labels, supermarkets, fast food chains: victims of mine. Anything that would cause any hurt to anything BUT insane amounts of profits, I do not do.

I have more sex than anyone on this planet. But never do I lie, cheat, or munipulate. If you ask me a question, I'm going to be 100% honest with you. I am an honest person. People deserve the truth. I will tell you exactly where I stand, and what I'm looking for and anything else you want or need to know. I've been extremely sexually active in my time, and never once have I made a girl feel any less about herself for sleeping with me. Whether they were strangers before we had sex, or an old friend, I've never once made someone regret their time spent with me. I never cause any heartbreak either. I am a good person. I have been on the recieving end of infidelity. The feeling I had is not one I wish on anybody on this Earth. It is not a good thing. I will not touch you, no matter how attractive the situation or individual, if you are involved you are out of bounds. Every person I've ever touched in any intimate way has become a friend of mine, whom of which I treasure immensely. Every single person I've ever done so much as pecked on the cheek has blossomed into a beautiful friendship, if not more. So obviously I'm not doing anything wrong.

But there are people out there who will make bold statements like "all criminals should be burned" or "anyone who has sex before marriage is a filthy person". Obviously, not the most open minded of things to say, but it is your opinion and you are entitled it. Hate me all you want, I really don't mind. I respect that you have your own experiences and your own perspectives and your own morals and your own values. I respect and understand this. We may not agree on many things, but that does not matter to me. I still give everyone the benefit of the doubt, and I treat everyone as equal. Even if you're a bible-thumping prosecutor, I got nothing against you personally. I am not one to judge. Who is anybody to judge? It's none of my business what you do, and even if you do things I don't agree with, it's your own life - you have your own reasons and your own perspectives.

I'm a criminal to some people because I've downloaded music.

I'm a bad person to some people because I've had more than one sex partner.

It's cool. Label me all you like. If it helps you cope, so be it. Some people need to live by other peoples' rules. Hence the amount of religious people we have. Religion is not for me. I don't need anyone else's rules but my own.

I am a good person. I have good morals and values and ethics.

But some people do need them in order keep themselves from selfdestruction, or maybe they even use it as a comfort zone. I respect that. It's simply not for me. Religion is not for me. I have my own experiences and live my own life the way I see fit. I don't hurt anybody, and I do nothing but good things for people, so I don't see why I should give up sex before marriage, or stop downloading the music that gives me the warm fuzzy feelings that they all do.

I'm not spiritual. No faith. Nothing. I am me. I am happy. And it works.

There's a lot I do that people don't agree with, but again, it's a matter of perspective. You still are in no place to judge me. Go ahead, judge me if you like, but we're all human. We're all in this life together, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this, or I wouldn't have heard of anything about you or anything that you might be.

If you hate me, go ahead. I don't mind. As long as you're happy with your choice, so be it. That's all I ask anyhow. Just be happy. If one day you decide to open your eyes and take a step back and evaluate the situation, I'll be here for you should you decide to actually enjoy your time with me. If not, so be it. Just stay happy. Do what you got to do. But I'll always forgive.

So why can't we all just be happy?

I am seriously the happiest person I know. And not in a "completely ignorant to everything that happens around them" sort of way. I acknowledge everything that happens around me, and everything that happens around me to the things that happen around me, and so forth. But I choose what affects me. If it's worth crying about, I'll cry. But there's not a lot on this Earth that can do that to me. If it's worth being scared about, I'll be scared, but again, nothing rational comes to mind here. I am not a victim. I am strong. I am happy.

I find joy in all the little things, all the big things, and all the little combinable variations of said things, that this life has to offer.

And anything that causes happiness is worth fighting for.

Some things that cause happiness are temporary, but enjoy what you had, be thankful and grateful, and move on in life.

Whatever happens, happens. You only live once. Enjoy it. Life's too short to waste it with negativity or pessimism.

To anyone who's ever entered my life: Thank you, and I love you.

Even if you're someone who's fucked me over completely, thanks. You made me who I am today.

Even to you, reading this, on the internet, chances are I haven't even met 90% of you, but I still enjoy the mental stimulation you send me via electronic communication, so thank you. I wouldn't be typing this for you to read if I didn't treasure you on some level. Sure I don't love you as much as I do, say, my mother. But I treasure you all nonetheless, and that's all that matters...

I am a good person.

I want to make this world a better place. One smile at a time. One feeling at a time. One person at a time.

I want to make this world a better place.

And to think, all of this came from a little bit of sadness.

Someone I've never even met, who only knows my name through several people, has a lot of control over someone I hold rather dear. And for some reason this person decides to resent me. I can deal with that. I don't mind. He's entitled to his opinion, no matter how jaded, negative or closed-minded. Those are his feelings and they are just as valid as mine, or yours. But I was doing some blog reading, where a person I hold rather dear has quoted a conversation she had with him. And basically, she had something nice to say about me (as I try to often make happen through being a good friend), and him, at the same time, and his response was pretty much:

"Don't you ever fucking compare me to him."

This hurt me a lot more than any words I've ever read.

Sure, his response might have been a reactionary impulse to portray his feelings about me, possibly caused by another reactionary impulse due to the fact that on one level or another he feels replaced as a friend by me (to a girl, on top of that (we all know how some guys are with girls)).

I don't know this, just saying, it's a theory.

Or he could very well be the most ignorant, pessimistic, negative, closed-minded, marose, depressed individual on Earth.

Or somewhere in between.

I don't know. It's not my place to say. I don't know the guy, and even if I did, it's not my place to judge.

But what I do know is that these words were spoken about me.

They fucking shouldn't have been.

You don't know me, and even if you did and still disagreed with everything I've ever done in my existence, my actions and mentality are not something that anyone should ever be so disgusted by that I should be talked about as some sort of bad person.

I am a good fucking person.

I will always be a good fucking person.

For one reason or another, you don't know what you're talking about. It's cool. I don't mind that you dislike me. Just don't make bold blanket-statements about something you don't understand. Especially about my lifestyle. One I've done nothing but tried to endlessly perfect my whole life.

I hope one day you open your eyes. If not, no loss of mine. Some people never change.

I am a good person.






...Sorry about the rant. It just hit me so hard, reading that about myself. I am not trying to do anything but clarify and put somethings into perspective about myself. For myself. For others.

I'm just glad I got that out there. I put it into existence for all to see. It's been put into reality from my head. It's in existence. Finally. I hope I summed up who I am (very generally, mind you) pretty well.




Thank you all for reading this crap. You really didn't have to. In fact, if you've read to here please let me know. My time on SuicideGirls is very limited until specifically stated, but I will be going gray for a while. SonOfAPunk will be inactive until he gets enough resources for another membership. So please say something to me if you've read until here so I can specifically tell you how much that means to me.

I love you fucking all. I really do. I really, really enjoy this community. I've made lots of really good friends from here and am thankful for everything from the nice things everyone's got to say, to the strange going-ons that are posted, to the alternative-lifestyle erotica. My favourite website of all time. And I'm thankful for every little encounter it has blessed me with.

I plan on being back, but I really don't know when that can be.

But until next time, everybody, please take care. And know that in one really superficial way or another, all the way to wanting to spend the rest of my life with you, I love each any every one of you reading this. And again, thank you. For everything. It means a lot more to me than you will ever know. I am grateful and thankful for ever little thing, even the little comments that consist of even just one Smilie. It's just the fact that you responded, took the actually time to make a click or two (or even more!) for me.

Thank you.

For everything.

This isn't the last you'll hear from me, everybody. I will spend the next few days I have responding to everything and being super SuicideGirls active. Then my account will run dry. Then I will do what I can to come back, so I can share with you, some more of my love.

I have enough to share.

I will be back. And know that no matter what anyone tells you, you are a good person. You are worth every damn you can get, and whatever you do, be happy. No matter what. Just be happy.

Farewell for now, my friends, my love.
Be well, may my love be with you.
Thanks again, one last time.

- Christoph "PunkerSlut" Leon
(AKA - SonOfAPunk )

Live. Love.