FUNFACT: Me and my band of trusted homies are addicted to adventure. Like good adventure too. Not just get together at 3am and go to Denny's with a digital camera. If that was the deal, we'd go to Denny's at 3am with a digital camera, wearing mascot costumes, while cheering different school-anthems, and occasionally getting into fist fights with lots of friend-tossing. Basically, think Jackass without cameras and with very little money. A LOT of our ideas are shitloads better than theirs too, and some way worse (we'll admit). But nevertheless, it's all fucking fun. For everyone. Witnesses or participants, everyone has a blast at our expense.
Alright, I'm in a little bit of a better mood, but I could use some cheering up (and I'm just gonna drag my issues over to the break-up groups for help). So I'm gonna tell the tale of how me and my current room-mate ridiculed A Simple Plan to their pre-pubescent faces.
Warning: If you live in the suburbs with ample angst and an addiction to Hot-Topic and eye-liner, please, read at your own risk.
So Nix and myself are shopping BC's biggest mall (MetroTown). We're spending like crazy, minding our own business, purchasing things that we will never need, but just want. You know, novelty items. We mack on a few chicks with mohawks (simply because they're extremely fucking hot) and move about our business. We hear what we think to be a large crowd. We follow the noise, peek around a corner, and see several "punks". We find this interesting, we see the 'hawks and some liberty-spikes, and lots of dye, and very seldom chains, too much make-up... and what's this... what band are they representing on their shirts? Is that? Is that... OMIGAWD?!?!!! They were all fucking posers, wearing "A Simple Plan" and the occasional "Good Charlotte" or "Avril Lavigne" shirt. We were curious as what was going on. There was a line-up about one-thousand people long, consuming about 1/5 of the whole mall, all the way to outside the damn thing and around for about a quarter-mile. I go to one of the near-by security guards and ask what's going on.
"Simple Plan Autograph Session"
Me and Nix dropped to our faces with laughter. We were laughing so hard, had we been drinking milk, it would have surpassed the nostrils and shot straight up into our brains. She was ruthless to the fans, and I was just making fun of Simple Plan really loudly. We heard shit as we walked by that made our heads implode.
"Simple Plan are like... The like... Grandfathers of punk."
"Simple Plan like... Are totally badass. They don't care what people think!"
"Pierre is SOOOOOO hot! Like, oh-my-god! I would totally do him!"
These are all 14 year old girls, mind you. So they know exactly what punk is. So Nix and I wait around to see Simple Plan ourselves, maybe poke a little fun. We devise what we're gonna do, and wait. And wait. And wait some more. 45 fucking minutes of listening to verbal diarrhea about how individual, smart, deep, and talented these useless-as-tits-on-a-nun bastard are.
We're running out of time before rush-hour hits... hard. And we both haven't eaten in a while (and the ocean of idiots didn't help), so we're becoming irritable. We decide that maybe it's not worth waiting this long for, and we start to head out. We're about 10 seconds into our departure, when we hear the noise of female-fans. You know what I'm talking about. Where little girls see someone they saw on TV, so they make that squeal.
It sounded like an army of tea-kettles going off at once.
Simple Plan comes out of these double-doors. Pierre's making fucking "Devil-Horns" with his hands. They come out looking all macho and full of themselves. We laugh. Hard. They set up a table, get sharpie's ready, and start flying through the line-up of aimless kids.
They get through about a dozen before me and Nix decide to act. The security already warned us on looking suspicious and poking fun, "If you're gonna be dicks, just leave". Hahahaha! Yeah, sure thing, sir. We'll just be on our way.
We're maybe 30 feet from the table of famous nobodies, when I start. Please take into consideration that I dress a li'l different, and I'm about the size of a fridge (and we're surrounded by a bajillion little, squeaky, five-foot-nothings), so I already stood out like herpes on an albino...
At the top of my lungs...
"Hey! HEY! SIMPLE PLAN!!!"
They look at me, all slack-jawed and beady-eyed (If they were a flavour of gum, they'd be "Be-Wilder-Mint")...
"I GOT A SIMPLE PLAN FOR YA! STOP MAKING MUSIC!"
Poor little Nix dropped to her knees with laughter. Lucky it was mall-flooring because I had to drag her laughing ass to safety, away from the impending security. Picture an almost six-and-a-hald-foot kid, screaming at simple plan, laughing his ass off, dragging his little female friend, who's stuck in the "doggie-style" position (also laughing hysterically), across the mall floor at high speeds. We fucking high-tailed it out of there.
We fucking blasted the car as far away from there as possible, to try to get back into town to tell all the homies of our life's accomplishment. Somehow, with all the laughter and repeating of events that just happened... we wound up in Seattle... Illegally... Yeah, another story...
Ahhhh... What's sad is I got my camera-phone TWO days after this... I coulda recorded the whole thing if I just ordered it a li'l earlier...
It looked as though they took my simple words to heart. They looked so heartbroken... It was fucking rad! Haha!
Alright, I'm in a little bit of a better mood, but I could use some cheering up (and I'm just gonna drag my issues over to the break-up groups for help). So I'm gonna tell the tale of how me and my current room-mate ridiculed A Simple Plan to their pre-pubescent faces.
Warning: If you live in the suburbs with ample angst and an addiction to Hot-Topic and eye-liner, please, read at your own risk.
So Nix and myself are shopping BC's biggest mall (MetroTown). We're spending like crazy, minding our own business, purchasing things that we will never need, but just want. You know, novelty items. We mack on a few chicks with mohawks (simply because they're extremely fucking hot) and move about our business. We hear what we think to be a large crowd. We follow the noise, peek around a corner, and see several "punks". We find this interesting, we see the 'hawks and some liberty-spikes, and lots of dye, and very seldom chains, too much make-up... and what's this... what band are they representing on their shirts? Is that? Is that... OMIGAWD?!?!!! They were all fucking posers, wearing "A Simple Plan" and the occasional "Good Charlotte" or "Avril Lavigne" shirt. We were curious as what was going on. There was a line-up about one-thousand people long, consuming about 1/5 of the whole mall, all the way to outside the damn thing and around for about a quarter-mile. I go to one of the near-by security guards and ask what's going on.
"Simple Plan Autograph Session"
Me and Nix dropped to our faces with laughter. We were laughing so hard, had we been drinking milk, it would have surpassed the nostrils and shot straight up into our brains. She was ruthless to the fans, and I was just making fun of Simple Plan really loudly. We heard shit as we walked by that made our heads implode.
"Simple Plan are like... The like... Grandfathers of punk."
"Simple Plan like... Are totally badass. They don't care what people think!"
"Pierre is SOOOOOO hot! Like, oh-my-god! I would totally do him!"
These are all 14 year old girls, mind you. So they know exactly what punk is. So Nix and I wait around to see Simple Plan ourselves, maybe poke a little fun. We devise what we're gonna do, and wait. And wait. And wait some more. 45 fucking minutes of listening to verbal diarrhea about how individual, smart, deep, and talented these useless-as-tits-on-a-nun bastard are.
We're running out of time before rush-hour hits... hard. And we both haven't eaten in a while (and the ocean of idiots didn't help), so we're becoming irritable. We decide that maybe it's not worth waiting this long for, and we start to head out. We're about 10 seconds into our departure, when we hear the noise of female-fans. You know what I'm talking about. Where little girls see someone they saw on TV, so they make that squeal.
It sounded like an army of tea-kettles going off at once.
Simple Plan comes out of these double-doors. Pierre's making fucking "Devil-Horns" with his hands. They come out looking all macho and full of themselves. We laugh. Hard. They set up a table, get sharpie's ready, and start flying through the line-up of aimless kids.
They get through about a dozen before me and Nix decide to act. The security already warned us on looking suspicious and poking fun, "If you're gonna be dicks, just leave". Hahahaha! Yeah, sure thing, sir. We'll just be on our way.
We're maybe 30 feet from the table of famous nobodies, when I start. Please take into consideration that I dress a li'l different, and I'm about the size of a fridge (and we're surrounded by a bajillion little, squeaky, five-foot-nothings), so I already stood out like herpes on an albino...
At the top of my lungs...
"Hey! HEY! SIMPLE PLAN!!!"
They look at me, all slack-jawed and beady-eyed (If they were a flavour of gum, they'd be "Be-Wilder-Mint")...
"I GOT A SIMPLE PLAN FOR YA! STOP MAKING MUSIC!"
Poor little Nix dropped to her knees with laughter. Lucky it was mall-flooring because I had to drag her laughing ass to safety, away from the impending security. Picture an almost six-and-a-hald-foot kid, screaming at simple plan, laughing his ass off, dragging his little female friend, who's stuck in the "doggie-style" position (also laughing hysterically), across the mall floor at high speeds. We fucking high-tailed it out of there.
We fucking blasted the car as far away from there as possible, to try to get back into town to tell all the homies of our life's accomplishment. Somehow, with all the laughter and repeating of events that just happened... we wound up in Seattle... Illegally... Yeah, another story...
Ahhhh... What's sad is I got my camera-phone TWO days after this... I coulda recorded the whole thing if I just ordered it a li'l earlier...
It looked as though they took my simple words to heart. They looked so heartbroken... It was fucking rad! Haha!
VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
so fess up...
did you cheat?