so i may be on the brink of finding some sembelence of self esteem. I never thought that would happen ina million years. With every new discovery my eyes are opened to how deeply masocistic i truely am. I spent halloween in west holly at a gigantic costume party. The women were so beautiful. tall thin, long necked, lovely breasts - but i was happy with my own little form for the first time since i don't remember when. it was a gift. i felt comfort, humor and relife. i wasn't depressed. i wasn't resentful. this night was huge for me. i hope itn leads to more. 
i wish i was closer to you though