somewhat_damaged

Sitting in my chair, before all the world
all I see is the illusion that is my life
the things I have that fill the voids
and keep me in place
My thoughts become smaller or lose substance
I'm fading into nothing
I try to change things with little tokens
but they loose value and I have to use more
I try to see the path as it comes full circle
and I cant avoid the puddles
I step into them and they soak my feet
they make my feet cold and when I start to walk again
my foot is to numb to feel the path below me
so i make the same mistakes again
and learn how much of a failure I am
at my own preservation
But i keep going
always looking for the next obstacle
I try to avoid them
sometimes i look for them because
I need to know that I cant be all that I want
I'll just be Chris
and that's all that the world can expect
I wonder if the world will be disappointed
or maybe even surprised
pulling myself out of my own shell
its quite hard to do without killing myself
I'm so sick of not having what I want
I never give up my daily routine
all I ask for is something I want
but the problem is I don't know what I want
all I know is I am doing this over and over
and endless cycle that leads nowhere
my eyes have seen such beauty
I love the colors the world has to offer
I hate the artificial appearance of humanity
yet I cant help but watch and hope both burn
and turn into ash and debris
and blow away in the wind
and become forgotten
the end