solisis

With this kind of life who needs the worries of something so inconsequential as a single stare or a word stolen from the walls beyond visual perception? Is there ever a reason to look over your shoulder or watch the tongue? Is there ever a reason to with hold understanding or selfishly condemn? I think its a bit too much to think about when a carefree life is one of such appeal. What is carefree though? I dont know if I could answer that.
You know whats most difficult- is the frustration of anything has a tendency to withdraw from the memory banks a moment in the past when you might have been genuinely happy. Then theres a side by side comparison and a stab of reality as you understand just how absurd life is now in comparison to then. I suppose the older you get the more complex things become. I would initially question that but it is evident at this juncture in my career that I have no tolerance for unnecessary drama and symbolic headaches. I would rather not face the nonsense and persist with the no life I persue blindly than to cowar around corners and step over my own tracks to evade the suspicious. They know already so why cover it up? Oh yeah, I forgot, its cause of the damned curse of emotions. I know this because tyler knows this. In some ways I am not at all human. In others I am all too humane. I believe this is called a catch 22. but I could be wrong.
The point of it all is that I am feeling like I need to explain myself about 3 or 4 hundred times too many lately and its getting nobody anywhere. The element of trust is nonexistant as my words seem to hold no weight without the stare of confirmation issued through the cotton of repetition. I understand this, I ask the same, but I wish it wasnt necessary. Im not a secretive one. Ask and I will tell. Im not a grudge holder, but I will break at some point. This straw isnt the last but damn near. And here I am the one always speaking of patience. Some hypocrite I am.