Brief history of my life so far - Part 2
Second half of 1995 started Landcare and Environment Action Program (LEAP) - a sort of precursor to Work for the Dole. Enjoyed having something to do, meeting others and working at the Girl Guide camp on MT Keira doing land care stuff. Program went for 6 months and I was given the "Still Waters Run Deep" Award at the end which I was chuffed with. Would have preferred the "Hot Guy Who Got With All the Girls" Award but social shyness around females continued to plague me.
At father's suggestion applied for Nursing degree (one of few degrees I could still get into with HSC score). Accepted to Sydney Uni and began three year degree in 1996. Met some friends and fell in love with goth named Mandy. Infatuation turned into obsession to detriment of mental health. Unable to express my feelings to her. Formed band with friends and called ourselves "Mulder". Recorded some songs on 8-track over mid-year holidays. Found avenue to express feeling of unrequited love for Mandy through song lyrics. Obsession deepened. Finally wrote her 10 page letter bearing my soul and was politely rejected. Wrote more songs. Starting to think I would never have sex.
Band played several gigs at local venues before breaking up due to friendship falling out among band members. Rather upset about that. Second year of Uni found myself alone as all my friends from first year (including Mandy) dropped out. I never saw her again. Formed some new acquaintances but generally was fairly isolated for rest of degree.
Still had plenty of friends in the Gong, though, and began getting into short film-making with some of them. Entered several films in the 1997 Short Sited Film Festival and won first place with a film co-directed with several others. By this time, had moved out of mothers home and was renting a house with brother and two friends. Socialised a lot at The Oxford Tavern in Wollongong but sex seemed an unattainable goal. Finally had first sexual encounter in 1997 when girl picked me up at Oxford Tavern and took me home to her house on pretext of painting me. Failed to produce desired erection due to excessive alcohol and anxiety. Practically forced to attempt oral sex when she sat on my face. Vague memories of wet, wrinkly flaps of skin and pungent odour. Girl soon gave up on me and went to sleep. Spent night lying awake trying to get erection which never came. Rather unpleasant and humiliating experience but somehow felt more of a man as I walked home in the early hours of the morning.
Continued to make short films and attend Uni. Academic achievement was mediocre but adequate. At Oxford Tavern was again singled out by 30 year old woman who looked my age. For several months was oblivious to her advances before we finally started a relationship. At long last, lost my virginity at age 23. Quickly learned the pleasures of sex with Baiba as an experienced tutor. Adapted well leading her to question whether I really was a virgin when we met - this flattered me to no end. Frequent romps on the bedroom floor as I only had a single bed which was rather cramped for the two of us. After six months, my novelty as a young spunk wore off and she dumped me - soon realised she was right to end the relationship as our age difference made any future together unrealistic.
Graduated with Nursing degree at end of 1998 but did not immediately gain employment. Spent first half of 1999 making short films, drinking home brew and pondering future. Read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance again. Met French girl, Pascale, who acted in one of my short films. Had gained some confidence around girls now and actively pursued her until we started a relationship in mid year. After six months realised I was in love.
(to be continued)
Second half of 1995 started Landcare and Environment Action Program (LEAP) - a sort of precursor to Work for the Dole. Enjoyed having something to do, meeting others and working at the Girl Guide camp on MT Keira doing land care stuff. Program went for 6 months and I was given the "Still Waters Run Deep" Award at the end which I was chuffed with. Would have preferred the "Hot Guy Who Got With All the Girls" Award but social shyness around females continued to plague me.
At father's suggestion applied for Nursing degree (one of few degrees I could still get into with HSC score). Accepted to Sydney Uni and began three year degree in 1996. Met some friends and fell in love with goth named Mandy. Infatuation turned into obsession to detriment of mental health. Unable to express my feelings to her. Formed band with friends and called ourselves "Mulder". Recorded some songs on 8-track over mid-year holidays. Found avenue to express feeling of unrequited love for Mandy through song lyrics. Obsession deepened. Finally wrote her 10 page letter bearing my soul and was politely rejected. Wrote more songs. Starting to think I would never have sex.
Band played several gigs at local venues before breaking up due to friendship falling out among band members. Rather upset about that. Second year of Uni found myself alone as all my friends from first year (including Mandy) dropped out. I never saw her again. Formed some new acquaintances but generally was fairly isolated for rest of degree.
Still had plenty of friends in the Gong, though, and began getting into short film-making with some of them. Entered several films in the 1997 Short Sited Film Festival and won first place with a film co-directed with several others. By this time, had moved out of mothers home and was renting a house with brother and two friends. Socialised a lot at The Oxford Tavern in Wollongong but sex seemed an unattainable goal. Finally had first sexual encounter in 1997 when girl picked me up at Oxford Tavern and took me home to her house on pretext of painting me. Failed to produce desired erection due to excessive alcohol and anxiety. Practically forced to attempt oral sex when she sat on my face. Vague memories of wet, wrinkly flaps of skin and pungent odour. Girl soon gave up on me and went to sleep. Spent night lying awake trying to get erection which never came. Rather unpleasant and humiliating experience but somehow felt more of a man as I walked home in the early hours of the morning.
Continued to make short films and attend Uni. Academic achievement was mediocre but adequate. At Oxford Tavern was again singled out by 30 year old woman who looked my age. For several months was oblivious to her advances before we finally started a relationship. At long last, lost my virginity at age 23. Quickly learned the pleasures of sex with Baiba as an experienced tutor. Adapted well leading her to question whether I really was a virgin when we met - this flattered me to no end. Frequent romps on the bedroom floor as I only had a single bed which was rather cramped for the two of us. After six months, my novelty as a young spunk wore off and she dumped me - soon realised she was right to end the relationship as our age difference made any future together unrealistic.
Graduated with Nursing degree at end of 1998 but did not immediately gain employment. Spent first half of 1999 making short films, drinking home brew and pondering future. Read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance again. Met French girl, Pascale, who acted in one of my short films. Had gained some confidence around girls now and actively pursued her until we started a relationship in mid year. After six months realised I was in love.
(to be continued)