The lovely onyx23 has tagged me to list 20 facts about myself! So instead of the usual weekend tales of me drinking too much and falling on my arse, you will have this to read instead. Anyway, I am sure you don't want to know what happened after watching Tomb of the Cybermen while drinking dodgy Austrian schnapps.
1. I have two adorable pussy cats called Daffodil and Bobby. They are black. Daf has black whiskers and Bob has white ones.
2. I grew up in a wee town on the north coast of Scotland. It took a 4 hour pilgrimage to Inverness just to get the basics of existence, such as Cure albums, Boots hairspray and knickers that didn't go up to your chin.
3. My loo is pink and has Clangers wrapping paper on one wall as wallpaper.
4. I detest showers and indeed all forms of water which come from above, such as rain. Washing my hair is an ordeal but one you will be pleased, dear readers, to hear that I suffer in the name of personal hygiene.
5. I have never broken a bone in my life despite many mishaps involving cars, horses and cliff faces.
6. I collect schnapps glasses. But they are only allowed to be from places I have personally been to.
7. Cooked egg yolk is in my opinion the most revolting thing in the universe. I would rather look at sick than cooked egg yolk. Why does anyone put in in their mouth? It is VILE.
8. However sick does not disturb me at all and cleaning up sick doesn't even give me the dry boaks. Not that I like clearing it up, you understand. But this does make me a handy person to have on pub crawls as I can look after people who have drunk too much.
9. I'm a trained first aider but alas, have never found any rich, handsome, grateful celebrities to whom I can demonstrate my skills.
10. I speak 7 languages but mostly craply. I am however great at shopping in foreign countries.
11. And I speak German with a confusing half Scots/half Bavarian accent.
12. Men with pale blue eyes are utterly distracting to me and should not be allowed near me.
13. I really don't like drugs. I don't even do the pot.
14. But in my art school days I once hallucinated that Jim'll Fixit came out of a wall with his Fixit chair. Younger readers may need to look this up.
15. I like older men and would totally do Iggy Pop.
16. My feet are weeny size 4s.
17. I was the school swot and won cups for debating. I once accused the Bay City Rollers of being sexual perverts during a competition debate in Nairn.
18. Although I am not Catholic, I have the biggest collection of Jesus kitsch outside of the Vatican. This includes a Pope candle, a glow-in-the-dark Virgin Mary, a plaster Mary shrine in my bedroom and also a vast collection of Jack T. Chick evangelical comics. If you have any particularly beezer religious tracts, I am happy to receive them!
19. I once had my hand down Julian Cope's breeks. And snogged Wayne Hussey.
20. Favourite colour: leopard print. My house is a temple to this tasteful, restrained print. I want a pink leopard coat and boots to match, so I can wear them in public places and amaze people.
Who to tag next? I think I will tag : StGeorge, Murakamisputnik and SaucisseDanseuse! Tagees, you must print 20 FASCINATING FACTS in your journal and then inflict the same task on 3 others! Tag!
I have eaten too much pizza, so I am now going to burst, just like Mister Creosote, before I go to bed. My ex is going to get a baby parrot. I think he should teach it to say incredibly rude things in all the languages of the world.
My suggestion was: Verpiss dich, du alte Schlampe, which my boyfriend told me was a rude rude thing to say to a lady. What rude thing would you suggest?
1. I have two adorable pussy cats called Daffodil and Bobby. They are black. Daf has black whiskers and Bob has white ones.
2. I grew up in a wee town on the north coast of Scotland. It took a 4 hour pilgrimage to Inverness just to get the basics of existence, such as Cure albums, Boots hairspray and knickers that didn't go up to your chin.
3. My loo is pink and has Clangers wrapping paper on one wall as wallpaper.
4. I detest showers and indeed all forms of water which come from above, such as rain. Washing my hair is an ordeal but one you will be pleased, dear readers, to hear that I suffer in the name of personal hygiene.
5. I have never broken a bone in my life despite many mishaps involving cars, horses and cliff faces.
6. I collect schnapps glasses. But they are only allowed to be from places I have personally been to.
7. Cooked egg yolk is in my opinion the most revolting thing in the universe. I would rather look at sick than cooked egg yolk. Why does anyone put in in their mouth? It is VILE.
8. However sick does not disturb me at all and cleaning up sick doesn't even give me the dry boaks. Not that I like clearing it up, you understand. But this does make me a handy person to have on pub crawls as I can look after people who have drunk too much.
9. I'm a trained first aider but alas, have never found any rich, handsome, grateful celebrities to whom I can demonstrate my skills.
10. I speak 7 languages but mostly craply. I am however great at shopping in foreign countries.
11. And I speak German with a confusing half Scots/half Bavarian accent.
12. Men with pale blue eyes are utterly distracting to me and should not be allowed near me.
13. I really don't like drugs. I don't even do the pot.
14. But in my art school days I once hallucinated that Jim'll Fixit came out of a wall with his Fixit chair. Younger readers may need to look this up.
15. I like older men and would totally do Iggy Pop.
16. My feet are weeny size 4s.
17. I was the school swot and won cups for debating. I once accused the Bay City Rollers of being sexual perverts during a competition debate in Nairn.
18. Although I am not Catholic, I have the biggest collection of Jesus kitsch outside of the Vatican. This includes a Pope candle, a glow-in-the-dark Virgin Mary, a plaster Mary shrine in my bedroom and also a vast collection of Jack T. Chick evangelical comics. If you have any particularly beezer religious tracts, I am happy to receive them!
19. I once had my hand down Julian Cope's breeks. And snogged Wayne Hussey.
20. Favourite colour: leopard print. My house is a temple to this tasteful, restrained print. I want a pink leopard coat and boots to match, so I can wear them in public places and amaze people.
Who to tag next? I think I will tag : StGeorge, Murakamisputnik and SaucisseDanseuse! Tagees, you must print 20 FASCINATING FACTS in your journal and then inflict the same task on 3 others! Tag!
I have eaten too much pizza, so I am now going to burst, just like Mister Creosote, before I go to bed. My ex is going to get a baby parrot. I think he should teach it to say incredibly rude things in all the languages of the world.
My suggestion was: Verpiss dich, du alte Schlampe, which my boyfriend told me was a rude rude thing to say to a lady. What rude thing would you suggest?
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
I once saw a MASSIVE pair of Jesus and Mary statues, obviously from a church, up for 200 in a Lyme Regis antiques shop. As much as I begged my mother, she would not relent and buy them.