soix

well, dude was a pretty amazing artist a few years ago - i even did a report about him in my high school art class before i ever even met him. his work was like, so detailed & rich & just wonderful.

but when i finally met him a couple years later (february of this year, to be more precise), he had just broken up with a girl he'd been dating for at least a year, and at that point, his work - although still beautiful - was a lot simpler & more basic than it was when i did the report on him. i dunno if that was a direct result of the girl, but i'm sure she & her distractions had a lot to do with it.

so this year his new year's resolution was to like reconnect with himself, refocus himself, and basically improve on himself & his work. and he specifically said that meant no serious relationships for the time being (among other things, such as exercising more, eating better, and of course spending more time with his work).

i fought that for a long time (like, most of the year), but i've come to terms with it now. i mean, it definitely still sucks that i can't hang out with him whenever, even though he only lives like, 6 blocks away.. but it's what he wants to do right now & i'm not gonna try to make him do otherwise because i've learned that sort of behavior just upsets people & drives them away.

maybe further down the road, he'll find that more loving contact is a big help to the creative process, but i'm not gonna push it until he comes to that realization himself.

plus i can take this opportunity to with my life what he is doing with his - figuring myself out & fine-tuning things. like, i used to think i'd be nothing & totally lost without a boyfriend, but now i don't think that, and i don't think i would have come to that realization if we hadn't done this separation stuff. and i just keep on learning..

anyway, long story longer, if he wants to spend all his time working, i'm not gonna force him to make time for me to prove that he cares about me. it's enough that i straight up told him to fuck off one time & he didn't go anywhere. plus let's say he decides he doesn't care about me all that much.. well that would be fine too. whatever makes us happy, either together or apart. i'm used to being apart from him now, and i know all too well that trying to stay with a guy who isn't all that into you just makes ya miserable.

goddamn, this was a long post!

sonofabitch!

not you

just in general

all this drama drama drama and i used to come here to escape