I just joined a new band. An emo band and boy are they ever emo. Their music is some of the emoinest emo that ever emo'd. And that's pretty emo. It's not exactly my style but I'm cool with it. I like playing other things, it keeps my thinking fresh. One of the worst things people do is to only play one style of music. It makes their playing stale and repetitive. Playing with a lot of different bands helps keep you thinking outside the box, coming up with cool licks. And yes even Emo can have some cool licks in it.
In other news, I'm working again. It's good, it keeps me balanced. When i have too much free time I tend to get pretty stir crazy. Not that work has helped my depression at all. Nothing has really. What do you do when nothing excites you anymore? Everything feels like work nowadays, nothing feels like fun. Ironically, work feels the least like work and the most like fun, although I can't quite say that I'm having fun there. Maybe it's just cause it feels new after so long doing nothing. I think I remember feeling this way before but I'm not sure. I know I used to love everything. I used to love just going to a coffee shop and digging the guys with the acoustic guitars and the lame songs. Now it's just a place with a couch and good chai. Everything and everyone seems sad. I shake hands with these people who have smiles on their faces and who make pleasant jokes but who have deep, dark waters underneath their eyes. Is everyone scarred? Is everyone depressed? It seems like it. I look around me and I see all these sad people doing all these sad things and I think to myself "what the fuck is wrong with the world? how can it be fixed?". That's what makes me the most depressed. Everything is wrong with the world and I don't know if any of it can be fixed.
On a somewhat related note, I read back on a few of my previous journals and I've determined that I'm way too much of a drama queen. If I got any more dramatic I'd be WRITING the songs for the emo band instead of just playing drums.
In other news, I'm working again. It's good, it keeps me balanced. When i have too much free time I tend to get pretty stir crazy. Not that work has helped my depression at all. Nothing has really. What do you do when nothing excites you anymore? Everything feels like work nowadays, nothing feels like fun. Ironically, work feels the least like work and the most like fun, although I can't quite say that I'm having fun there. Maybe it's just cause it feels new after so long doing nothing. I think I remember feeling this way before but I'm not sure. I know I used to love everything. I used to love just going to a coffee shop and digging the guys with the acoustic guitars and the lame songs. Now it's just a place with a couch and good chai. Everything and everyone seems sad. I shake hands with these people who have smiles on their faces and who make pleasant jokes but who have deep, dark waters underneath their eyes. Is everyone scarred? Is everyone depressed? It seems like it. I look around me and I see all these sad people doing all these sad things and I think to myself "what the fuck is wrong with the world? how can it be fixed?". That's what makes me the most depressed. Everything is wrong with the world and I don't know if any of it can be fixed.
On a somewhat related note, I read back on a few of my previous journals and I've determined that I'm way too much of a drama queen. If I got any more dramatic I'd be WRITING the songs for the emo band instead of just playing drums.
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Emo-ness has its place, thats fer sure.
I can relate on the depressed, what the fuck level. This life often overwhelms me. I just wish that I could do something to make the World a better, less fucked up seeming place. I had a friend give me good advice on this once. She told me that all I can do is just try to be the best person I can be, and stop trying to change the World all by myself. That took lots of pressure off my shoulders for a little while. But now I don't even think I'm being the best me anymore. Lately I've been somewhat stir crazy, and I just don't know what to do with myself.
And I think lots of people are very depressed. I mean, even if u look on this site there are so many depression related topics. I wonder if it has anything to do with this hemisphere in particular. You mentioned stepping outside of the box musically, I think that its good to do that on other levels as well. We get so used to this North American civilization, but there are so many other parts of this World that operate so differently than this place.
I think I need to travel to gain perspective on it all.
I wish I was in a band. That would be a good outlet for lots of my gutteral wrenching.
Anyway.....you are so not alone. This World is fricken nuts!
[Edited on Mar 10, 2004 9:57AM]
mos def a lot of people are depressed underneath their cool exteriors but in a way that can be a comforting thing to realize because it means you're not the only one who feels that way. and yeah everything can seem like shit when you're depressed, i know. there's no easy answer. lately i've been seeing a shrink which has helped some.
and never feel bad for being a drama queen when there are whole genres of music that thrive on that.
ps. thanks for the joke, it made me smile. here's one for you:
what do you get when an ex-vice president dances?
algorithms.