I went to the strip club again to talk to the stripper I'm obsessed with. Yeah I'm pathetic but she is so cool. A smile like a warm day, freckles that spot her face and shoulders and make her look younger and more innocent than she is, eyes so big and beautiful that you need a map to keep from getting lost in them. Her smile is infectious. She comes over and says "HEY" and wraps you up in a big hug and says how glad she is to see you. Then she proceeds to tell you all about what happened to her since you last saw her. "Oh my God, let me tell you.....". When she goes up to dance, it's more often than not a bouncy eighties song and she spins around the stage, smiling like she's having the time of her life. She probably is. In a place where everyone is trying to be sexy and seductive and secretive, Missy is just being herself. So I went there and talked to her for a while. She forced me to stray from my usual (southern comfort and coke) to some kinda firewater called Blackhouse. I told her I had to leave before I got too drunk to stay on the road and she told me we had to exchange numbers. Then we did. I drove home, not really knowing what to think. I had the number of the stripper I'm obsessed with in my pocket, and I was second guessing myself. It's a fake number. It's disconnected. It's some angry mexicans number. So I go in my house. My clothes smell like cheap perfume and cheap cigarrettes and cheap booze and more importantly like MISSY. The Justice League comes on and I watch Wonder Woman and Batman team up to take down Randall Savage. Then I check my e-mail and read Christine. At four I call what I think will be an angry mexican's number and brace myself to be threatened in complex spanish curses. What I hear is wonderfully curt message that says "You've reached missy. Leave a message. BEEEEEP". I hung up without leaving a message. Now I sit and dream of my stripper, and wish that I had some way of saying "Hey I'm the dude you met where you strip" without souding like a jack ass. Any advice?
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:04 PM
OK so I promised I'd do it so now I'm doing it. Let the journal spamming BEGIN!!!
Yay!!!
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:05 PM
My favorite drink is rum and coke followed closely by Crown Royal on the rocks.
I like cider as the beer alternative, and drinking my desserts like the white russian... the big lebowski sold me on it.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:05 PM
My LEAST favorite drinks are any that include vodka.
Yeah, alone it tastes like paint thinner.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:07 PM
The reason I hate vodka is one time to teach my alchoholic girlfriend a lesson I decided to go shot for shot with her and see how she liked taking care of a disgusting drunken fool. My plan backfired horribly, although she did stop for about a week. Now I have a horrible phobia of vodka.
hahah that was a good plan... kinda. sorry man. don't date alcoholic girls, they're too expensive.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:08 PM
I'm in love with a stripper named Missy who dances at Dangerous Curves.
Dangerous curves? where's that? I love strip clubs!
She has blonde hair and a smile that lights up her face. I know she only uses me for my money but I don't care, I'm glad to give it to her.
When I'm a stripper, I'm just happy that someone pays attention to me and ignores that fact that I didn't shave my butthole and even gives me money on top of that.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:09 PM
The best place to take a sick pet is the University Of Penn animal hospital. The worst place is the Northeast animal hospital on frankford.
Ugh. Northeast... what kind of pet so you have? I take fat kitty and coen to simmons animal hospital in south philly... mostly because you don't have to make appts and they have night hours.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:10 PM
Doesn't it piss you off that you can't go to a local show without seeing some stupid punk or hardcore band anymore?
Yep! grrrr... that and I feel like the oldest person there.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:11 PM
My band is playing the hollywood bistro on oct 25. Come out and see us.
When's that? Saturday? I will try to stop by... email me at
alexisreyna@hotmail.com with time and location and info and try to get me in for free. that would rock.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:11 PM
So do you have an unnatural obsession with Peewee or did you just do it for comedic value?
No, me and peewee usually go on adventures together, I just documented it this time.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:12 PM
What's the worst experience you've ever had while drinking?One time when I was 20, I was at St. Jacks and had 3 long island iced teas and ended up making out with some italian guy in the bathroom like it was studio 54. I didn't even remember what he looked like, but my friend told him he had nappy justin timberlake pubic hair,
and then I puked all over the place on the way home. I never got that drunk after that. What's yours?
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:13 PM
What's your favorite drink?
I said it earlier, but I will add one more... I like rum and coke. Plain ol' rum n' coke.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:13 PM
The things on the ends of your shoelaces are called argets.Who knew?
Really? Mine always fall off and I need to tape them back together with scotch tape.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:14 PM
An odd paradox, at weddings they play the most music but everyone dances. What's up with that?
Hmm... at weddings, I watch people get really drunk (including myself) and start grinding with my cousins and uncles. Then we do the chicken dance.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:15 PM
I'm a little buzzed.
I wish I was too.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:15 PM
I've got so little to do and so much time to do it in
I wish I was you.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:16 PM
Wait....scratch that.......reverse it
Hahahah ok.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:16 PM
I left the lights on in my car so my battery died yesterday. It
was a bummer.
I hate when that happens! Did you get a jumper or call triple A?
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:17 PM
Even though I don't smoke pot, I'm really paranoid. I'm always
convinced that people are talking about me.
I think they talk about me too.. then I look at my fingernails,
and if there are white spots, that means that they really were
talking about me (an old superstition).
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:19 PM
How would you get rid of the money if you were in the situation
from Brewster's Millions?
brewster's millions..?
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:20 PM
Just in case you've never seen it, it's a Richard Pryor movie
about a guy who has to spend millions of dollars in a month in
order to inherit hundreds of millions of dollars. The catch is he
can't destroy the money, give it away (he has to get value for his
money) and at the end of the month he can only own the clothes
that are on his back.
1. I would already have millions... so I wouldn't be greedy, I'd
be satisfied.
2. But with those millions, I would do these compulsive things
anways.
a. go rock across europe like the guy on Rules of Attraction,
doing drugs and fucking everybody with reckless abandon (I don't
do drugs now, but for some reason, I trust the drugs in amsterdam)
b. Set up a Suicidegirls Mansion, where all the suicidegirls could
come and live with me.
c. Pay off of school loans. Buy some white tigers. get coen a
kiddy pool filled with glass. Get a vintage car. Get a few more
tattoos. Buy the Salo movie. Get a monthly parking spot so I don't
have to ride my bike in the cold.
d. Save all of the little kids that get beaten up in
Philadelphia. I work at a one-photo lab and each day we get half a
dozen rolls of film of children that were beat
up/abused/molested... it's for a company that works for the govt
and the photos are for trial purposes. Yeah I would hire some
goons to take out those fucking guy that bruise little babies, cut
6 year olds, and molest little girls. Like bruce willis in
unbreakable, minus the poncho.
e. Hire an assasin to take out george bush jr. They would have to
fax their resumes to me along with references.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:21 PM
Things I would do in brewster's millions:
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:22 PM
1. Rent helicopter and troupe of actors to stage myself as an
action hero at work. They would play terrorists trying to take
over and I would single handedly take them out Rambo style (just
stand there
and shoot them all as their bullets fly past me)
hahah that rules!
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:23 PM
2. Rent out the Electric Factory, Troc and TLA to have three
concerts in three nights, ALL open mic nights for me and my
friends.
Can I do kareoke?
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:24 PM
3. Stage an elaborate east coast tour for nothing graceful (the
band I'm currently in...sort of) complete with pyro, a background
moniter and hundreds of hired dancers and performers.
It would be like the great white concert in Rhode Island!
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:25 PM
4. (This one might violate the rules but I don't care) Offer
people money to boycott the new Limp Bizkit CD.
Ugh. You don't hafto to pay me to do that.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:25 PM
5. Throw the biggest most kickass parties since the Cult Of
Dionysus.
I'm there.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:26 PM
I'm pretty sure that would eat up most of my funds but if it
didn't I'm sure I could think of a few more things to waste money
on.
I waste money without even thinking about it. Usually on food.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:27 PM
The miracle cure for a hangover: drink a 24 oz water before bed
It is a miracle cure.. my hardest part is remembering to drink the
water before I pass out.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:28 PM
I'm convinced that Stevie Wonder is not blind. I used to be
skeptical because he learned to play so many instruments without
ever being able to see, but the kicker was when they offered to
give him surgery to be able to see AND HE TURNED IT DOWN!!! Who
but a faker would turn down the oppurtunity to see?
Hmm.. maybe it was like the married with children episode, when al
got glasses and saw everyone was ugly, and refused to wear them
anymore.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:29 PM
Speaking of Stevie Wonder, what's up with that head twisting
thing?
He's feeling it man.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:29 PM
Shit
Poop.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:29 PM
My laundry is mostly done and I'm barely even started.
I still need to do my laundry... usually I do it when my underwear
or towels run out.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:30 PM
Better start typing faste
faste?
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:30 PM
Which card would you have picked to be in the SG deck?
7 of diamonds I think I am. I would have also liked to be queen,
but then again, so does every suicidegirl.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:31 PM
My eyes burn
my legs burn (that's because I'm sitting too close to the heater)
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:32 PM
My back hurts.
mine too.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:33 PM
Finding out that other people liked gothy looking girls was a
revelation the equal of finding out that the world is not in fact
round but is actually flat like people used to think.
Thats the same way I felt when I found out about suidicegirls.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:34 PM
I've never seen A Clockwork Orange but it's pretty high on my "to
rent" list
You have to see it! It's listed as my fantasy on Suicidegirls.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:35 PM
bored.com. You MUST be bored by now.
Yeah, I actually visited ratemypet.com
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:36 PM
Three guys are walking along a field and come across a river.
There's no bridge so the first guy says, "I'm gonna pray to be
able to walk across". He walks to the river and easily crosses.
The second man does the same thing. The third man, amazed,
attempts to do the same but falls in and drowns. Then the first
guy says to the second: "Man....you think we should have told him
about the stepping stones?"
I started reading it outloud to my coworker and then got to the
punchline and stopped. nevermind.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:37 PM
What's your favorite kind of underwear?
calvin klein thongs. they are comfy. Anything sheer or tight
fitting to my ass (since it is so small) and hipsters look good on
me too (because of the small ass thing)
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:38 PM
Two things turn me on more than anything
Go ahead...
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:38 PM
1. A girl in a button up dress shirt
Awesome. I love button up dress shirts. I unbutton them down to
the second button
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:40 PM
2. The place just below the stomach on a girl where the legs meet
the body. That little groove at the hips....SOOOOOOOO hot.
Yeah, hips and tummys are hot. Even on fat chicks.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:40 PM
I don't think I'll marry a girl unless she'll dance to bad music
with me even though I'm a terrible dancer.
I dance to bad music in my underwear. but I don't tell anyone about
it.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:41 PM
I hate a lot of the ceremonies at weddings.
I don't like the wedding part. I like the afterparty.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:42 PM
I hate the first dances (bride/groom, bride/father,
groom/mother), the cake in the face, THE CHICKEN dance. It's like
people are using "Getting Married For Dummies".
Oops I talked about the chicken dance earlier... why the wedding
hatred? did you just go to one?
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:43 PM
I want to get married outdoors, possibly in a forest
That would be nice.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:43 PM
I want to live down the shore
I want to live in the poconos
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:44 PM
I'd like to have my honeymoon in Hawaii, and spend the whole time
in the hotel room, enjoying the feel of my wifes skin on my own
or else on the beach, enjoying the feel of my wife's skin on mine
in the water. biggrin
aww thats so romantic. simple pleasures.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:45 PM
I've only gotten drunk enough to puke twice, and hated it both
times.
Only twice? Whenever I'm puking, I pray to God and promise him that
I will never drink again... only to rinse and repeat the next week.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:46 PM
I hate cell phones more than any other technological advance.
Hmm.. Yeah they're overpriced and kind of obnoxious, but I would
feel lost without mine. I have a complete dependency on it.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:47 PM
Check Voltaires journal, there's a really cool recipe for chicken
soup there.
I met Voltaire in LA, she was every bit of the crass you would
expect.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:48 PM
Do you like to cook?
I can't really cook, I'm a man with a can and a plan.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:48 PM
If so what's your favorite thing to cook?
But, I like to attempt to cook mexican food because its easy and
you can throw 30 condiments on top (sour cream, tomatos, salsa,
cheese, etc.) and it will still taste good no matter how much I
screw it up.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:48 PM
If not what's you're favorite thing to have cooked for you?
Lemon chicken on pasta
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:49 PM
Which do you prefer, City Paper or Philadelphia Weekly?
I used to love the city paper because of the Red Meat Comix, but
now I love different parts of each.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:49 PM
Has there ever been a column better than "I Love You I Hate You"?
Savage love is good when people ask really absurb questions.. erm I
mean I Love You I Hate You is the best column ever!
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:50 PM
If you answered yes to the last post go back and change your
answer.
k.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:51 PM
Do you make a distinction between anal sex and sex? (meaning is
someone who had anal sex but not vaginal still a virgin?)
I think so... they are still 'virgins'. usually I just laugh at
them because anal sex hurts more, what a way to break them in.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:51 PM
What's the stupidest thing you've ever done?
Man... I have a list of them... I created a mini-novel called 'a
list of my sexual lovers in chronological order' and about 3/4 of
the guys in there are stupid things I did. I should send it to
everyone, its great.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:51 PM
What made you want to get a tatoo?
I just remember always loving them and wanting one... the idea of
pictures on my skin combined with a strict religious upbringing led
to getting bit hard by the tattoo bug.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:53 PM
Girls fascinate me, but I get along better with guys.
Yeah? Most of my friends are guys... they're faithful companions.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:54 PM
My friend probably has an ulcer.
Where?
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:54 PM
How did you like the West Coast?
I've noticed a color shift from cool colors of blue and green to a
very earthy warm tones. The houses are shorter. The people are
nicer. It is sunnier, and they have palm trees.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:55 PM
I hate people who aren't loyal.
yeah those bigots.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:55 PM
I didn't realize just how many posts this would take.
sorry.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:56 PM
I'm gonna stick it out though!
rock on!
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:57 PM
Daybreak, wind is blowing strong
Island break, caught on a reef in a storm
Castaway, lickin his cracked lips sore
Patient wait, HOPING THE RATS REACH THE SHORE
i hope they reach the shore too.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:59 PM
If You Must and You Know You're Right are my two favorite Nirvana
songs.
My favorite is the man who sold the world. its kurts favorite david
bowie song.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 09:59 PM
I'm deeply in debt to a lot of companies but slowly paying my way
out
Aww... I'm getting there.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:00 PM
I better get a couple of posts in my journal for this!
You will have 2 giant posts!
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:00 PM
I'm just kiddin with ya. I know you're UBER busy so if you don't
have the time, don't worry about it.
I finally got around too it. thanks for your understanding.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:01 PM
The Stand is one of the best books ever. The first part scares
the hell out of me every time I read it.
Yeah it is.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:02 PM
My ideal job is to write and tour with my band.
My ideal job is to be a food critic and have people feed me.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:03 PM
I'm out of good books. Recommend one.
Hmm... found magazine. It's not a book, but it's a big magazine. You
can get it at Tower Records.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:04 PM
It's really cold in philly lately isn't it?
You wrote this on october 4th, but as of lately, yes it is cold,
very cold.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:04 PM
My dream is to live on a coastal town on the west coast.
My dream is to live in europe.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:04 PM
I'd write music and swim in the ocean everyday
yeah we can do that in europe too.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:05 PM
I always wonder how many homeless people are really homeless and
how many are just lazy and would rather beg than work.
We all wonder that... One day I was at Rittenhouse park, and a I saw
a homeless guy take someones wallet. I vowed never to give another
penny to the homeless.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:05 PM
Blisters suck.
I got one on my finger today after rewinding 19 disposable cameras.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:06 PM
Would you describe yourself as moody?
Usually I'm pretty chill, but I can get 'girl moody'. You know
what's that like... we read into everything and want attention all
of the time.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:06 PM
I wonder just how far the record companies will go with this
whole, sueing people for downloading music thing.
They will catch a few people and be satisfied, but there is too many
of us to take over!!!
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:07 PM
I also wonder how far the government will let them go.
Hmm... we will see.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:08 PM
I love cats.
Me too! I like the way they smell.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:08 PM
I hate dogs.
I used to love dogs until I got my puppy. I love other peoples dogs,
and I love my dog most of the time but she acts like a big little
kid and eats things she shouldnt... like bike seats and george
forman grills.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:08 PM
There's only been ONE time that I saw a dog that I would have
bought if I had the money.
Oh yeah?
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:09 PM
It was a bichon puppy who was so hyper he would try to jump in
your arms but overshoot and fall out.
hahah that rocks! silly puppy.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:10 PM
He would only stop running in circles for thirty seconds every
few minutes to look around as if to say "Wait a minute....where
was I going? OH YEAH!!" then burst away again.
he's cracked out!!!
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:10 PM
You're catching up to DJ!!!
In your face debra jean!!!
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:11 PM
What's the one thing that a guy you're interested in could do to
completely turn you off?
Have bad teeth... I saw my friend the other day... and he had meth
head teeth... they were all brown and stained, I couldn't stop
staring at it and it was nastay.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:12 PM
Cake or death?
Mr. Izzard! I used to have a shirt that said that. Today I'll take
cake please.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:12 PM
Ever been to a foreign country?
I used to live in germany when I was younger, my dad was in the
military.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:13 PM
What's your favorite thing to wear?
My ab-fabulous 1970s jackets with big fur collars. You?
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:14 PM
Is there anyone you really REALLY hate?
My old roommate Brian. He was the filthiest laziest piece of crap I ever met. I wrote a paper called '30 reasons why I hate Brian'. Oh and this girl Karyn Jimenez. She was in my graphic design classes and she thought she was the shit and would always rub in everyone's face how lucky she was. Smug bitch.
I don't really hate anyone else though. Just those two, they embody things that I hate most about people, the male and female versions.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:14 PM
I try not to hate anyone but a few people I just can't help hating.
I hear ya.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:15 PM
Martin Short is one of them. The only time I don't want him to die
is when I'm watching The Three Amigos.....
Phil Collins has that effect on me.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:16 PM
....then I only want him to get maimed.
hahhaha
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:17 PM
Fred Durst is another.
He made genius lyrics like I did it all for the nookie. So you can take that cookie, and stuck it up your ass brilliant man, brilliant.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:18 PM
Richard Gere is a third.
Jennifer Anistan is my third.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:19 PM
Are you ticklish?
Hehehe yeah. Its torture.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:19 PM
If so where?
On areas of my body that dont get touched much such as my inner thighs and feet.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:19 PM
Do you know anything about this Kill Bill movie?
That movie is awesome!!! You probably have seen it by now already.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:20 PM
That's a weird lookin flick man...
Thats Quentin for you.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:20 PM
You ever drink yourself to a blackout?
Plenty of time see previous studio 54 experience for reference.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:21 PM
If so, did you wake up in a strange place?
Lying face first on the floor the cool tile of the girls dormitory bathroom.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:21 PM
Like Nicarauga?
Not this time.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:22 PM
Can you tell I'm horribly bored?
You should visit rotten.com
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:23 PM
What's the geekiest thing about you?
My collection of simpons toys, my 5 different kinds of Epson paper, my director and genre categorized selection of dvds, my cds in general.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:23 PM
Kill The Man is a great movie.
I never saw it.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:24 PM
It's about how the two co owners of a small copy shop fight to stay
in business when a "King-cos" office super store opens up across the
street.
Thats how I feel about my photo store.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:24 PM
I hope you can forgive me, I may have to bow out early.
I accept your apology.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:25 PM
I'm really trying but 17 pages of posts is difficult to come up
with.
Youre a bigger man than i.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:25 PM
Drawin a blank.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:26 PM
QUICK WHAT'S TWELVE TIMES SEVENTEEN?!?!?!?!
Ah uh uh
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:26 PM
Just makin sure you're awake.
Im too lazy to open the calculator application. Im afraid it will crash the computer. I dont see why they didnt let us use calculators in math class, the real world is completely dependent on them, and most have the math skill of a retard.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:27 PM
I feel like I'm leaving a really long message on an answering
machine.
I can relate to that.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:27 PM
The kind you leave when you know someone's home they're just asleep.
And you keep talking Just in case they can hear you?
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:28 PM
Or in the bathroom.
Right.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:28 PM
I leave messages like that all the time for a friend of mine.
Lucky him.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:29 PM
Just like Tyler Durden, he never answers his phone.
Tyler is my hero.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:29 PM
That's the only way he's like Tyler Durden though.
Your friend is not my hero.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:30 PM
Which is cool because I dont' want him to start kickin my ass all
the time.
Me neither.
Haven't sobered up yet.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:31 PM
But I drank a lot of water, so I should be good tomorrow morning.
Good boy!
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:31 PM
Getting fired is a bummer.
Ive been fired twice in one month recently. Im paranoid now.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:32 PM
Why'd you quit the stripper job? Why didn't you just shave your
butthole?
They hired me to be a stripper, hairy butthole and all, but they needed girls for the private booth more so I declined. I should write that as my next journal post. Please remind me or I will forget.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:32 PM
Which club was it?
Show N Tel
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:34 PM
What's the longest you've gone without sex?
When I go on strike 6 months. It was rough.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:35 PM
Did it drive you nuts?
Yeah I broke it by having sex with my friend that was staying over Here I will go into play scenerio.
Alexis and Chuck were friends for a long long time. Chuck was dating this girl Megan for years, but she cheated on him, so now Chuck is single again and visiting Alexis, who is also single, but on sex strike and hasnt been laid in 6 months. Alexis wakes up at 5 in the morning by the loud meowing of Fat Kitty. She looks over at Chuck and remembers photos that Megan took with her poloroid of Chucks big black weiner.
Damn, Alexis thinks to herself. I should have sex with Chuck. Being extremely impulsive, she nudges a peacefully sleeping chuck and whispers:
Alexis: Hey Chuck, wanna have sex?
Chuck: What???
Alexis: Sex do you want to have it or not? I forget what sex feels like I only want to have it for a minute (and she was serious when she said this)
Chuck thinks for a second.
Chuck: Uhh.. yeah I guess.
Alexis: Ok Lets go.
Alexis grabs Chucks piece and he lived up to his black stereotype, fucking kid was hung like a horse a minute later and no kissing, or even hugging, no intimacy at all, because remember, they are only friends and thats it Chuck is pumping his piece inside Alexis while she watches the clock.
Oh yeah, she thinks this is what sex feels like
After LITERALLY a minute, Alexis says that shes done, says thank you, and that she doesnt want to do it anymore.
Chuck: Im not even done!!!
Alexis: I am. Sorry.
Later on that night, Alexis cant decide is shes going to count chuck in her list of lovers the number is now in its 20s they had sex, but it wasnt real sex, so she decided that he was going to be lover # 21.25. He would only count as a quarter of a lover.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:35 PM
We're almost there!!!
Whew!
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:36 PM
I feel like a little kid on a long trip.
Aww.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:36 PM
:whines: are we THERE yet?
Almost kid.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:37 PM
Remember Urkel?
We had a doll of him hanging by a rope at timezone. It wasnt meant to be racist or anything, but every black person had to point it out.
Black person: You guys is racist!!
Me: No were not we sell the new line of diesel.
*if you didnt get the bad joke, diesel shoes are obnoxiously bright neons colors that only our north philly customers would buy. We cant be racist if we special order these eyesores just for them.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:37 PM
Watching that show now makes me realize how stupid I was when I was a kid.
I used to love TGIF
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:38 PM
Watching old transformers episodes makes me realize how much of a
God damned GENIUS I was as a kid though.
Hahah transformers rock!
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:39 PM
A friend of mine once told me that he had a "decent sized
penis...only about 10 and a half inches"
Wow very nice.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:40 PM
This amused me for two reasons.
Go on
[Edited on Oct 04, 2003]
The first was it was clearly bullshit. I've seen his before and it
aint no ten inches.
Oh caught him in his lie\
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:43 PM
Second he tried to make himself sound really modest, as if he wasn't
bragging about the imagined size of his penis.
Smug bitch.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:43 PM
I hate people who talk about their penis'
I could see how you would hate that if you were a guy. I just say whip it out.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:44 PM
Now let me tell you how big MY penis is....
Go on
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:44 PM
Just kidding.
Aww man. Whip it out.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:45 PM
I wish there was a font that made the things you typed really
sarcastic looking
Its called ALL CAPS.
Well not really.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:45 PM
Congratulations....we're on thirty.
Yay!!! The new SG layout took back down to 20 something.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:46 PM
The longest my journal has ever been was one and a half pages.
Im wondering if I can copy and paste all of this onto one. Probably not.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:47 PM
But then, I'm not really hot or interesting.
Yes you are.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:47 PM
I guess the formula for journal entries is hot+interesting/#of
posts=journal responses.
= suicidegirl
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:48 PM
What's the longest you've ever worked at one job?
Hmm Over a year at my internships.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:48 PM
What's your ideal job?
Lucy Lu in Kill Bill.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:49 PM
What's the worst injury you've ever had?
The mosquito bites I got this summer. Look like I was beaten all over my legs.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:50 PM
Lord of the Rings...love it or hate it?
Love it.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:50 PM
Read the books?
No, but I think Frodo will die at the end of the next one
Have you started the countdown yet? We're almost done.
You got it.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:52 PM
If you've read half of these you deserve a fuckin medal.
Medal for me.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:53 PM
I don't know if I could have sat through all these ridiculously
bland posts.
Dont be self deprecating.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:54 PM
Cut me some slack though
I love u.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:54 PM
I'm drunk.....
I wish I was
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:54 PM
....exhausted (ten hours of sleep in last five days)...
Damn how are you making it?
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:55 PM
....and have work tomorrow.
Where?
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:55 PM
Work is definitely a bummer.
No good?
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:56 PM
I should become a full time hobo.
Perhaps
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:56 PM
What do you think?
I wouldnt give you any change.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:56 PM
Good career move?
You could be more low brow things
SoEffinHappy said on
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:57 PM
Then I'll write a book called "From High Paid to Penniless: Six
Simple Steps to a Hobo Lifestyle"
Id buy that.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:58 PM
I think there's a market for that kind of stuff.
People want to make mone the easiest way possible.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:59 PM
So really my plan to become penniless is only part of a LARGER plan
to become filthy stinking rich.
Like the broke diaries.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 10:59 PM
I don't know anyone who's filthy rich, just people who are filthy.
Hey... me too. Im neither filthy nor rich.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:00 PM
How cool would it be to meet a future version of yourself like in
Bill and Ted?
Only if I was cool. I think I would like myself.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:01 PM
Alas, there are no Circle K stores near me. I'm afraid I'll never
be able to meet a time traveling version of myself while eating
nachos and slurpees from the circle k.
We must learn to do that in wawa then.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:01 PM
It's cool though, cause the future version of me would probably punch the now version of me out for being such a fuck up
Maybe you have it coming.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:02 PM
We're getting there
Whew.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:02 PM
Two more pages left and you'll be the champ
Yay we are the champions
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:03 PM
You should get someone to sit behind you while you read these to talk in a crackling old mans voice saying things like "Alright kid you gotta keep movin out there, he's gettin ya with those jabs but you gotta protect ya left side and go aftah 'is body." They could massage your shoulders and hold a bucket for you to spit in.
Yeah, where my old man???
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:04 PM
Or you could just read them by yourself.
That was my secret plan that Im carrying out right now
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:04 PM
Either one.
Gotcha.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:06 PM
So rate how crazy you are on a scale of one to ten (One being perfectly UNcrazy and ten being an escaped mental patient, desperately trying to outrun the purple people from inside your closet.)
7 Im normal most of the time, but sometimes I have really crazy thoughts and impulses to carry them out.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:06 PM
I would rate myself a six.
k.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:06 PM
I'm not as crazy as some but definitely a little more crazy than most
Sounds about right.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:07 PM
Is this the first journal spamming on SG?
I think so congratulations! Wait I dont know if its a good thing or not if you do it to other people.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:07 PM
If so I'll be damn proud of myself.
But Im proud of you.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:08 PM
One of my favorite comercials is the one where the retirement home does a production of Rocky.
I never saw it, I dont watch tv.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:09 PM
I hope I'm that cool when I'm old.
Me too.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:09 PM
Uh oh, you're tied.
You can do it! Rob Schnieder the sex icon of the Filipino race
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:10 PM
It's a dead heat!!!
Ahh!!! Its too exciting!!!
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:10 PM
My computer is slowing horribly too.
Uh oh slow computers are torture when youre trying to spam bomb.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:11 PM
Bummer huh?
Uh huh.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:11 PM
How old is Fat Kitty?
4 years. I got her used when she was 1. She was of normal weight then.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:13 PM
I danced like a madman at my cousins wedding reception tonight. I dance terribly but love to do it occasionally. Dancing is such a great release. I like to turn up Cake and dance at home too. Cake or Beck. Both great bands to dance to. If you're into that kinda think :wink:
I like old skool Cake, and I like Beck too. Dance the night away.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:16 PM
The first book I ever remember loving was a book about a bunch of chinese twin brothers, each of whom were immune to a certain punishment (one couldn't burn, another couldn't drown, another couldn't have his head chopped off) one was sentenced to be executed so they kept switching places depending on the type of execution. One day I'll pay the library the money I owe them, get the name of that book and borrow it. It'll be worth it.
I remember that story! Wow How much do you owe the library?
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:19 PM
Since then, i've tried never to be without a book. When we would read from anthologies in class, I would read ahead so that I could read other stories in the book. Some were good others were TERRIBLE. The best from a school book was a story called The Most Dangerous Game. In it, a world famous hunter gets shipwrecked on an island, the owner of which is another big game hunter. The island owner tells the hunter that he is a great fan of his work and that is why it's fortunate that he was shipwrecked on THIS island, because now he can participate in the most dangerous game. The owner has three days to hunt the man. The owner is armed with a low caliber rifle and the man is armed only with his wits. If you ever see it, READ IT. It's well worth it.
What book is it in? Is it in a collection of stories type book?
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:21 PM
Another great short story is called, The Night Wire. It's about a man who records messages coming over the telegraph on the overnight shift. Eventually, an old guy who works there starts taking in messages from a town called Xebico, messages about an evil fog that takes over the town and starts to suck the life out of people. It kept me up for days.
Oh.. scary. I dont like to watch scary movies when Im by myself, I get paranoid and start freaking out and calling people to come over at 1 in the morning.
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:22 PM
I think this is the last one. CONGRATS YOU'RE THE CHAMP!!!
I rule!!!!!!!
No you rule!!!!
SoEffinHappy said on
October 04, 2003 11:22 PM
Now all you need is cool ending screen like in Contra and the credits can roll.
*WANTED: Cool ending screen.