soeffinhappy

And if you wanna make sense, then what ya lookin at me for?
A journal by Sean Fogarty
Tonight as my father, my stepmother and I finished our dinner at the italian bistro, a gang of almost 20 waiters and waitresses assaulted my step mother with a birthday dessert all the while singing and clapping and generally making the biggest scene possible inside a restaurant. This was done at my request and our waitress went above and beyond what I expected. Now if only it was really her birthday....
New York is calling me. It's time for me to take my car on it's first road trip. Test it out on those long, soul searching drives.
I felt better the last three days than I have in a year. I've smiled, laughed, even enjoyed life. I was able to close my eyes and breath in the (almost) fresh air and feel happy to be alive. It's been a long time since I've felt like this but I do remember the feeling. It's like meeting with an old friend. You may not know what's going on in each others lives but you can still fall right into your old patterns immediately.
I need some John Lennon CDs and a tape deck. The CDs to listen to at home and the tape deck so that I can make tapes for my car. The radio just isn't good enough for me.
I cleared out all my books and my bookshelf looks disturbingly empty. There's only a few papers and CDs and one of those adapters to plug an eigth inch headphones plug into a quarter inch jack. It looks sad and I really sympathize. I know how it feels to exist without fulfilling a purpose.
If my novel were being typed or handwritten, it would have gathered a couple of inches of dust by now. I don't know why but my brain is locked creatively. There's a big wall between me and the characters in my novel and I can't seem to get over it. Maybe some fun will help.
Is it so hard to let a salesman do their pitch on you? Are you that devoid of will power that you will HAVE to buy whatever they're selling you? I know that you are in a hurry to get to your 4:30 appointment with the pope but I'm sure he won't mind if your two minutes late. Sales people have jobs to do too and giving them two minutes of your time won't hurt you.
I'm torn about how I feel about the Earth Liberation Front. Are they terrorists or revolutionaries? They didn't hurt anyone but should I be making the distinction between hurting people and POSSIBLY hurting people. Setting a building on fire is definitely an action that contains a great possiblity of hurting people. On the other hand, sometimes a revolutionary idea is so important that it requires revolutionary action, regardless of the cost. As soon as I perfect my magic wand none of these problems will be a problem anymore.
All a girl needs to do to put me in a good mood is smile. I talked to a gorgeous young lady named Catrina the other day. I made some very corny jokes and she laughed at every one. When she smiled, her eyes lit up and shone so bright that they gave the sun some competition. It made my day. Even now I can close my eyes and see her face when she smiled and it makes me smile. I wish more people smiled like that.
A friend I know through work had great news. Her fathers cancer is being beaten back. The chemotherapy is working and he's getting better. He might even recover. She bought a house. She's dating a guy who sends shivers down her spine. SHIVERS. I talked to her today and she was positively BUBBLY. She is a great person and I'm so happy for her. She deserves to be happy.
I wanted to call Amy's bluff today and expose all my knowledge to her but I didn't. I just luaghed inside. Who does she think she's kidding? Things don't ever change. The same cycles repeat over and over and over again until you've memorized the words to every day and every situation.
"Hi"
"Hi"
"How are you?"
"Good."
"How's work."
"Well, you know..."
Both laugh.
I tried to explain why Alice In Chains is so good to my dad tonight but he doesn't get it. Alice In Chains is everything evil about us and sometimes you need to indulge that, whether you want to or not. If I didn't let all the bad stuff out through the music, maybe it would eat away at me til I was too fucked up to function anymore. Wait a minute.....
Dreams that I've had in the last week:
Something bad happening to my dad.
Me and someone I know smashing up each others cars.
The transmission of my car grinding and smoking as I drive to work.
Hanging out at Chris from Ground Control Studios apartment just before he died of cancer. (Chris has no cancer that I know of).
Numerous random dreams about various conflicts(they're too fuzzy to remember now but the theme was the same.)
Anyone who was able to read all of this has the chance to enter a special contest. Send me an e-mail containing an essay on any subject. Fiction, non fiction, DOESN'T MATTER. It's gotta be at least five hundred words and no more than 2000. I'll pick at least one winner and mail you a prize. Now get writing!!!