soeffinhappy

Beautiful air condition, sittin in the kitchen, wishin I was livin like a hitman
A journal by Sean Fogarty
So things are going good. My transfer is going through and I'm being put into a position where I'll get promoted really quickly. I'm buying a car. I've got money saved and all the things I've planned for over the past couple of years are falling into place. Why aren't I happy then? Why do I feel so dead? I'm sort of happy. I'm excited about having a car. I'm stoked about my transfer. Not happy though. I don't get up and take a deep breath and think to myself, man it's good to be alive. I used to. Not EVERY day but I used to do it. I used to smile just to see people going about their business. Now seeing people going about their business makes me wonder about the black in their lives. I see people smiling and wonder if it's just an act, the way my smiles are. I wonder if they're empty inside like I am. I guess I'm getting better. I don't feel so twisted inside anymore, just numb. But is that really better. Everything used to be black, now it's just gray. Is that better? I want color. I want joy. I used to be able to have a good night just sitting around diggin people. People used to be so cool. Are they still and I'm just too fucked up to see it anymore or have they always been rotten? It's like On The Road only with all the sadness and none of the joy. I need to shock myself out of this. I think maybe the car will help. Road trips galore. I'll finally be able to get out and do things after work too. Maybe if my life weren't so boring I'd feel better about it. I know that I'm creating my own depression by being depressed but I can't help it. I feel so rejected and alone. Shouldn't I feel depressed? I just don't know anymore. I want to go to every city in the country and party there for a couple days. Taste what the whole world has to offer. I want to meet people who have lives so interesting that I just want to sit and listen to them all night long. I want to feel alive again.

Here is your homework assignment. Say something about yourself that is funny and will cheer me up. It could be a clever anecdote, an amusing habit, or the reason for some type of outlandish piece of clothing you wear. I don't care. Just let me know that there are still good things out there about people. I could use the reassurance.