soeffinhappy

Tomorrow's the party but I'm drinking tonight? Is that a good thing? I don't know. Maybe I'm an alchoholic or maybe I only wish I was. Maybe things aren't as bad as they seem. After all, I CAN get all the fifteen year old pussy that I want. Which is none and coincidentally enough that's exactly how much I'm getting. So maybe things aren't SO bad. Maybe I don't miss here THAT much. And that smell I keep smelling, it's not her, it's just my house, my deodorant, my cigarrette. And that ache my skin gets when I lie in bed? That's gotta just be growing pains. It's not me wanting her so bad I can feel it. Maybe I'm depressed about something else when she tells me about the bad stuff that I wish I could fix in her life. Maybe I only want to hold her and make everything better cause I'm a friendly guy. It can't be cause I miss her THAT much. Can it? And maybe today is my birthday and maybe I'm too tired and too drunk to even go out with my mom for dinner, but I will anyway. Maybe I'm not the good little boy I once was. Maybe that twisted black form I keep seeing inside of me is my soul. Maybe those cuts I have inside won't heal. Maybe I'm not really as healthy as I look. I just read Lullaby and I'm glad that I don't know the culling song. Being totally honest I can tell you that I wouldn't use it for anything good. Maybe I'd go down the streets in that car with the loud speaker that the guy who sells fruit uses. It would be easy to get that car too. You could hear the guy coming a mile away and it's only gonna be as long as it takes to recite the poem for that car to be unoccupied. Unless you consider a corpse a person, but I don't. More like a burden. An object. Something taking up space in the back of my stolen fruit truck. On second thought....maybe I DO miss her THAT much.