The laptop arrived yesterday, and my hot friend S is getting me software for it...
Every birthday I feel a little luckier than the last time. Really flabbergasting that this year the gifts have such materiality and immediate practical use, too
Mebbe they're trying to tell me I oughtta keep up this photo/web/art/smut thing.
A friend who changed my life died of breast cancer Feb 18th, and there'll be a ceremony here on the 21st. I can't decide if I should change travel plans or not. I think I know what she'd say. She was brilliant and tough and generous and I always thought I'd see her again.
Guys are smiling at me on the street . A lot. That's a first. Dunno if it's a signal that I'm hurting less and therefore smiling more myself, or if it's something way more complicated.
I got the stuffing kicked out of me for most of my first 12 years, mostly not at home. My adult reaction is/was a bit split- exaggerated gentleness and tenderness to to everyone all the time, and exaggeratedly developed capacity/willingness to protect myself physically if it's necessary. I guess it works- as an adult I've never been assaulted or threatened by anyone unarmed; never had to assault or threaten someone. Tenderness and compassion are more difficult to broadcast through body language than capacity for violence, though, and a whole lotta folks are primed to expect the worst from black men anyway. The upshot is that strangers, especially male strangers, tend to give me a lot of room, no matter how much I smile, make eye contact & keep my hands where people can see them.
That sucks when you're cruising for male action, which I sometimes am.
Whatever's changed, it's sweet and very unlike my experience of Toronto. Guys are smiling at me spontaneously, starting conversations on the flimsiest pretexts, asking me for directions and generally treating me like a human. I like it.
How do strangers on the street deal with you?
Every birthday I feel a little luckier than the last time. Really flabbergasting that this year the gifts have such materiality and immediate practical use, too
Mebbe they're trying to tell me I oughtta keep up this photo/web/art/smut thing.
A friend who changed my life died of breast cancer Feb 18th, and there'll be a ceremony here on the 21st. I can't decide if I should change travel plans or not. I think I know what she'd say. She was brilliant and tough and generous and I always thought I'd see her again.
Guys are smiling at me on the street . A lot. That's a first. Dunno if it's a signal that I'm hurting less and therefore smiling more myself, or if it's something way more complicated.
I got the stuffing kicked out of me for most of my first 12 years, mostly not at home. My adult reaction is/was a bit split- exaggerated gentleness and tenderness to to everyone all the time, and exaggeratedly developed capacity/willingness to protect myself physically if it's necessary. I guess it works- as an adult I've never been assaulted or threatened by anyone unarmed; never had to assault or threaten someone. Tenderness and compassion are more difficult to broadcast through body language than capacity for violence, though, and a whole lotta folks are primed to expect the worst from black men anyway. The upshot is that strangers, especially male strangers, tend to give me a lot of room, no matter how much I smile, make eye contact & keep my hands where people can see them.
That sucks when you're cruising for male action, which I sometimes am.
Whatever's changed, it's sweet and very unlike my experience of Toronto. Guys are smiling at me spontaneously, starting conversations on the flimsiest pretexts, asking me for directions and generally treating me like a human. I like it.
How do strangers on the street deal with you?
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Dreadlocked and pierced, I had people on the street shoo their children away from me.
Shaved bald, people seemed to perceive me as a lot angrier than I really am, which might've been aggravated by the fact that I'm a big girl, work in steel toes, and carry a wrench. But I'm SO not an angry person, quite the opposite, really. From June (buzz-day) to November, I never got a second glance, never a smile from a stranger, never got flirted with by a stranger, nothing. It made me feel terrible.
But! With hair grown to more conventional length and style, I've regained my head-turning powers, my smile-generating abilities, and my old-lady-random-conversation starter. I'm also a lot happier with myself, so that probably helps too.