socogentleman

Ever find yourself in a situation where someone you really care about asks you the answer to a question that you don't know the answer to? I'm not talking about a question like "What's the square root of pi?" But those harder questions like who to choose, etc. The one person that I care about more than anything else in this world. The one person that is keeping me from ending this joke I call a life. The one person I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'd trade my life for hers if that time arises, is going through that right now. I can't go into details because to put all that's happened into words would mean that I would have to be typing non-stop 'till about 8 this morning. All I know is that I would trade all those times when I had the answer for this one time that I don't. When the voice on the other end of the phone starts to crack and you can hear in her voice what's coming next.... and you don't have an answer. All I could do was just sit there and try to figure something out. Anything but "I don't know the answer." *Sigh* I do know the answer, that's the problem. Right now she's in a situation where she needs to just cut her loses and move on. I'm just not seeing any way she's going to be coming out of this happy without something incredible happening. A "damned if you do, damned if you don't" sort of thing. She didn't want to see anyone tonight. I can understand that since I understand her. I promised that I would haul ass over there at speeds that would make a physics prof's head spin... I can't promise her that I'm not going to be up tonight thinking about this while feeling physically ill. I can't promise her the moment I see her tomorrow I'm not going to hug her and appologize that I can't make it all better. And I can't promise her that it's going to be better because it won't be. *sigh* this is all the more reason I've virtually given up on love. I've been so emotionally drained for the past 5 hours that I've almost become numb. I can't tell if the pain is going away or if I'm starting to no longer be able to feel anything tonight.all I know is I'm waking up early tomorrow to call her to see if she's going to be at work. If she's not.... lol yet another answer I don't have.