It has been an interesting ride, I went from shy under developed girl to a full fledged busty women in a matter minutes it seems. I was a late bloomer in high school, while everyone else was buying "big girl bras" I was still praying to the Gods for anything womanly to enhance my stick figure. Well I guess I prayed to damn hard because at the age of 20 I went from a 36C to a 36 DD. You can imagine my surprise.
It is a strange feeling to start noticing people of the opposite (and same ) sex taking a second glance or stare in some cases to your appearance in public. At the time I was a tiny girl, but then the rest of my body started filling out to match my boobs. At first I was a little scared, obesity runs in my family and I thought it was some kind of monster that was going to steal away the "sexy" I just gained.
Looking back I was so scared of what other people would think of me, scared that I would no longer be desirable with a little extra meat on me. Now that I am older I have a much better appreciation for not only my body, but the bodies of women around me. I realized two things simultaneously:
1. My body is beautiful at whatever weight I'm at, I can wear whatever I want as long as I feel confident in it
2. Other opinions are invalid
This was a big game changer for me. I've always loved sexual studies, sex is basically my hobby. I don't mean I'm out fucking anything with a heartbeat, I mean I like to learn about what's happening in the sexual studies world (i.e. adult news, advice columns, adult toys, adult stars, etc). I discovered Suicide Girls back when I was still a C-Cup and convinced myself that I was not good enough to join their ranks. I had the same uninformed idea a lot of women have, that I wasn't pale enough, tattooed enough, pretty enough, or pierced enough to join their ranks. After sending in an application via the old site I was too chicken-shit to even complete my nude shoot.
Fast forward to the new site.
I decided it was time last fall to finally do my nude shoot. I was nervous to say the least, but I was more excited than anything else. This was my graduation day, I was solidifying all the love I had for my own body and sharing it with the world. My set finally went LIVE last week and I can't tell you how happy I am to just be a SG Hopeful.
The After-Math
I am not close to my family or have highly conservative friends so there was no real backlash. Will I ever be able to run for political office? No. Can I mold young minds in a classroom? Nope. Can I audition for a nationwide singing contest? Apparently not. I can not do any of those things because I decided to show my lady bits online. Do I regret this decision and wish I never did it? No way. I love the path I have chosen and I can see my career falling into place before my tiny brown eyes. It's all magical and wonderment thus far. To be honest this is all what you make of it. I'm taking it as a positive stride in my career to be a sex columnist or maybe even sex positive public speaker. I'm so excited for the next door that may open, so far my future looks pretty bright.
xoxo,
Soco Hopeful Suicide
