snowwhitesuicide

i have been so blahhh recently.
i've been stressed out because everyone seems to want something from me.
and i've been stressed out because i have absolutely no money.
i wish i could get paid to do the things that i do.
the things that i like to do.
taking pictures of bands, networking...
helping to organize events.
how does one find a job doing these shenannigans?
shit, if i could find a job just doing photoshop stuff that would be ideal, for now.
i hate money.
and it is cool trying to survive without it, but sometimes it does come in handy.
i mean, fuck.

i am going to take a week and reassess my life, i think.
after the 4th... because i have social obligations.
(DC residents, hit up the Smoke-In, son!!! www.smoke-in.org)
wait, and the 5th... cuz i'm supposed to shoot for a friend's band...
but, really.
after smoking nearly a half a pack of cigarettes in a four hour time period today, i have decided that i am going to make some changes in my life.
i have one cigarette left. and i am not going to smoke it.
i got a new pair of running shoes today, because i've been out of gym commission due to horrible shoes that give me horrible heelblisters when i run in them.
i haven't done yoga in almost 2 weeks, and i really really need to start studying for my teacher training class.

fuck dude.
i think that one reason that i'm having a problem is because i'm so tired.
do i have mono or something?
really, i have been sleeping almost 12 hours a day.
i feel like i'm exhausted all the time...
eh, it could just be because of my poor life choices though.
summertime: smoking a lot of pot with people, eating a whole lot of vegan junkfood, chainsmoking cigarettes, and leading a semi-sedentary (for me) life for the past few weeks.
ughhh, the vegan junk food slash no gym time is what is getting me down the most.
i'm jealous of anorexics. i get stressed and i eat food. i wish that i could use stress as an appetite suppressant. shit, i don't even eat cuz i'm hungry, just because it is something distracting and comforting...
gross.
sometimes i really wonder why i don't weigh like 400 lbs.
thing is, i'm young, so i can get away with it for the most part.
but i need to cut this shit out soon, otherwise i won't be as lucky and i really will start to gain some serious weight.
i can already see that i'm gaining weight, to be honest...
i need to fast for a few weeks and go to the gym every day before i'm camera ready again.

i don't even know what the point of me writing this is...
sorry for the whining.

i am getting my sleeve on the 15th though!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!
!!
YAYAYYAYAYYYAYYYYYAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
i kicked classic electric to the curb and went up to Tattooed Heart Studios in Glen Burnie to work with Evan.
i'm fucking pumped.
i love the vibe of that studio. everyone seems really chill and friendly.
evan seemed to vibe with my idea too, so i hope he rocks the shit out of it.
i actually feel very very confidant about this, which is more than i could say about my dealings with classic electric.
i guess i really, finally managed to find my own artist!

so this is my to do list:
-quit smoking (cigarettes)
-get back into the swing of a raw foodie
-study for YTT class/ read autobiography of a yogi
-get back into the swing of running for an hour every day
-drink more water (i haven't been drinking any water for the past few days... i need to clean my siggs)
-find a motherfucking job (to which i will not be selling my heart and soul)

um, also:
-get a fucking phone charger. how does one just loose a phone charger? how does it just disappear from one's room?

i'm gonna go lay down, man. i'm fucking tired.
maybe i should go smoke a bowl.
maybe i should go smoke my last cigarette....
fuuuuuckkkkkkk dude, it isn't the nicotine that is gonna get me, just the act of smoking itself.
i love smoking.
smoke smoke smoke.
wish me fucking luck.