snow

I turned on the television. Tonight on the news "Peter Pan peanut butter on RECALL!!!!!"....This is the most important piece of information on the local news, complete with it's own theme song. I fucking hate television. Oh Jesus, get in the basement, take my protein pills, and for fuck's sake don't eat the peanut butter. But don't forget to buy more now and take your anti-depressants.

**I just got a knock on my door from my neighbor. She just wanted to warn me, with the porchlight off, that the FBI and the National Gaurd are watching her...and she just talked with the chaplain at the Pentagon. I don't know. Is this what sober is about? Is everyone mad??!! This is what happens when I go outside.

Maybe I should just smoke some weed and read a book.

Oh, two and a half months sober. I don't count the shot of Bailey's I had at Christmas with my mom or the vodka cran I sipped and dumped in the toilet. It wasn't the occasional drink or even the occasional line that bothered me. It was drinking till I passed out and choked on my vomit, it was snorting an eight-ball in an hour with a bottle of wine chaser...and then doing that again and again and once more, for about two or three years. I guess it was the heart attack that really did it for me. The fact that my blood is so thick I can feel it getting stuck in my neck. But whatever. Two months clean, and I can really feel a difference. Plus I look hot right now.

I have a bad habit of replacing an addiction with another. No more alcohol, no more C. I guess smoking a little grass isn't so life threatening. Yup. I still have my opium summers....
Actually I don't have a whole lot left. My health is really bad right now, and I don't have a whole lot of friends. At least I have enough left in me to want to do something with my life. I still can't believe that I made it this long. I made it two months and my fucking heart didn't explode.

I just realized that my cat's head is almost as big as mine. He is a giant!