Well, today is just a blah day. I don't know how to express all of the feelings going on. They are all so mixed up. I'm happy yet depressed at the same time. I don't know what is going on with me. I even shed tears while driving home from Mississippi today. All I know for certain is that driving alone is not a good thing if your head is swimming with thoughts.
Today, I got started thinking about relationships and how I treat them. As much as I would love to have that compainionship, I'm scared to death of committing to someone. I think all in all, I'm just scared of having my heart broken again. I can't stand crying over someone and not being in control of my emotions. I had a dream the other night that still bothers me.
In my dream, I was in a wonderful relationship. To me it was casual and free flowing. However, I knew that it was at that moment in a relationship where you need to move on to a more serious step. Well, I was driving to go meet my guy for dinner at his house. I was earlier than usual and thought it would be a nice surprise. I walked in and I was so happy. It was like it was one of the best moments of my life when I saw him and was in his arms, kissing him. He then told me that he was going to save it for later, but since I decided to surprise him, he wanted to go on and surprise me too. He then pulled out a ring and told me that he felt it was time to commit to each other. I took one look at the ring, started crying and then grabbed my things and ran.
The thing that scares me is the fact if I would really ever do something like that. I would love to say I wouldn't seeing how happy I seemed to be. But the truth is, would I ever even have a relationship that would get to that point. I always seem to pick them apart so much that it never works out. I always want to run at the first small sign of commitment. I think I need someone who wants to work with me on my issues. Who will understand and who won't let me run. *SIGH* I just don't know....I'm drving myself crazy. I know that I'll get over it soon, I just have to push these things out of my mind.
Anyway, a few better things. I got to spend some time with my family this weekend. On Saturday, I sat around with my mom and dad and listened to my dad just talk and tell stories. It was awesome. I think I could do that all day long. Also, today I got to spend some time with my niece and nephews. It makes me sad to see how much they grow between the times that I see them. It also makes me realize that I really don't know the youngest one at all. However, once she finally warms up to me, she is so funny. She's 3 and she tells all about how she goes to preschool or as she calls it "pretty school." We took some pictures and it was just a really good afternoon.
Also, on Friday we took some pictures at work. Here's me and some of my new friends!
Today, I got started thinking about relationships and how I treat them. As much as I would love to have that compainionship, I'm scared to death of committing to someone. I think all in all, I'm just scared of having my heart broken again. I can't stand crying over someone and not being in control of my emotions. I had a dream the other night that still bothers me.
In my dream, I was in a wonderful relationship. To me it was casual and free flowing. However, I knew that it was at that moment in a relationship where you need to move on to a more serious step. Well, I was driving to go meet my guy for dinner at his house. I was earlier than usual and thought it would be a nice surprise. I walked in and I was so happy. It was like it was one of the best moments of my life when I saw him and was in his arms, kissing him. He then told me that he was going to save it for later, but since I decided to surprise him, he wanted to go on and surprise me too. He then pulled out a ring and told me that he felt it was time to commit to each other. I took one look at the ring, started crying and then grabbed my things and ran.
The thing that scares me is the fact if I would really ever do something like that. I would love to say I wouldn't seeing how happy I seemed to be. But the truth is, would I ever even have a relationship that would get to that point. I always seem to pick them apart so much that it never works out. I always want to run at the first small sign of commitment. I think I need someone who wants to work with me on my issues. Who will understand and who won't let me run. *SIGH* I just don't know....I'm drving myself crazy. I know that I'll get over it soon, I just have to push these things out of my mind.
Anyway, a few better things. I got to spend some time with my family this weekend. On Saturday, I sat around with my mom and dad and listened to my dad just talk and tell stories. It was awesome. I think I could do that all day long. Also, today I got to spend some time with my niece and nephews. It makes me sad to see how much they grow between the times that I see them. It also makes me realize that I really don't know the youngest one at all. However, once she finally warms up to me, she is so funny. She's 3 and she tells all about how she goes to preschool or as she calls it "pretty school." We took some pictures and it was just a really good afternoon.
Also, on Friday we took some pictures at work. Here's me and some of my new friends!
snlchick_ms:
Damn fucking double post................. 