sniper

What's most important to you in life? Would you change everything about you if it meant taking on the total responsibility and care of someone you extremely love? Family?

So if any of you have noticed I haven't been around as much. Sorta just hanging out here and there.
Life has been extremely busy and all sorts of stressful but I'm hanging in there. I don't know how considering I want to scream and pull my hair out but I'm still holding my own in a big way.
There's always that saying the weight of the world on your shoulders and that's exactly how I feel. I may have gone through some shit in my life that I whined and complained about but this tops the cake for sure.

Besides the fact that I am trying to leave a cheating, lying BF, I have no car at this moment, and am looking for a full time job because my hours where I work suck. I now have the huge decision to take on the full custody and adoption of my six year old nephew! My plate is full.
Where is his mother and father you ask? His mother can't stop getting into trouble long enough to stop being selfish and take care of her son as a real parent. I'm very angry with my sister right now. This has been going on for four years, most of his little life.
And his father....he passed away this year of diabetes. I am all he has, his only chance at being with family.

When the state is concerned a child has 15 out 22 months in foster care before they start considering to adopt them out. My nephew has been in and out of foster care 13 of those crucial 15 months. I have less than 2 months to try and get custody of him. And right now that feels like an impossible goal but I'm going to give it my best!
In the meantime these are my roadblocks. The place I live in is an old summer studio with very little space, hardly any insulation, and wood heat. Completely not suitable for a child. I'm a single person who has only had to worry about me so it is feasible for myself but not for us. I have to start looking for a decent 2 bedroom that the state will consider acceptable.

Which brings us to problem 2. Again, my part time income can not support that type of rent and bills that go with it not to mention child care. I make maybe $800 a month if I am lucky. And it takes time to find another job and then save for it. How can a person do that in less than 2 months?

Problems 3 and 4. I won't bring a child around the relationship I am in. Too unstable. So it's only me doing this.
And the car I was going to buy on cheap payments decided to take a dump and I can't afford a very expensive finance payment. No transportation.

Oh!!! And the grandest of all! I live in Washington and my nephew in Oregon so it will take months to transfer over the case and deem me suitable to have custody. I may have to move back to Oregon and completely start over which could take even longer to get everything together. Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

As all this sinks in over and over sometimes I just want to cry in my frustration. It's not fair I can't be magically rich and fix everything in my nephew's life. I would do anything for him to have a happy, stable life and home so he doesn't feel thrown around like he has been all his life.
So I am going all out. Fund raiser's and everything. I started one here if anyone would find it in their hearts to help. No donation is to small and greatly appreciated. I'm also adding a wishlist in case someone would rather donate to the cause and way of clothes, bedroom furniture, etc..
Adoption of my Nephew Fund Raiser



I know $5,000 is a lot to ask but it's going to take everything I can do to win this case and children are not cheap that's for sure. And if I can succeed at this I still have years to go. Wow. And I'm changing everything in my life so he has his chance to succeed. That even means possibly stopping all of my nude photography so it doesn't affect any decision on that states part. That's okay for me, I've thought about just being a member for awhile now so it doesn't hurt my feelings any. I have to better myself in other ways now.
Shit! There goes my photoshoot with Sobelle in October. Oh well, at least that will be money back in my pocket. A little bit but some.

I'm going kinda crazy right now and any advice would be very helpful. I just don't know what to do.
Sigh. Completely at a loss.