sneakypie

well, guess who's feeling better?

i've decided the best way to make it through is to count down the days til i move into my new place. this apartment will have taken exactly one month out of my summer, but that doesn't negate the awesomeness of the first two. even though it feels like i've been here forever.

and so i've been really excited setting up utilities and such for the new place. lauren and i both love mirrors. i'm bring two big ones, and i bought another small one today.

you don't have to read until the *****, this part's not really interesting.

one of the big ones i just got. a girlfriend called me up last week, and aksed me to come dumpster-diving with her and one of my gay guy friends. in fact, my favorite one! i was a little pooched to find out they'd been hanging out this summer, since i've barely seen him and i hate friends paying attention to anyone but ME, but i was excited to go along cuz i love dumpster diving, and katey, and carl. so we hit a few places-- including a construction site, cuz katey was looking for shelves to hold her plants and thought she could find some scrap wood. there was, but it was too big to fit in her truck. so we went to one of the bigger apartment complexes, and it was a TREASURE TROVE! they even had some big white shelves-drawers combo. i think it might have been an entertainment center. but katey didn't really like it or think it would fit. they had some neat stuff there, but nothing i really needed and i'm trying not to add clutter to my life. so we went to another apartment complex, and as soon as we drove in i saw this big, white frame. it looked like it had once held a mirror. i decided right then that i wanted it, but i didn't yell it out. unfortunately, katey wanted it too. i was all "but i wanted it for a mirror!" and then katey said she wanted to paint a picture to go in it, but by this time i was already standing IN the frame.

...making it mine.

then she tried to pull the old "but it's my car we're driving!" and i said that it was ok, i could walk home. [which i meant, i wasn't trying to be contrary! i am a serious dumpster diver. i was once walking to a friend's house for a party when i saw someone was throwing out a broken papasan chair. damned if i didn't drag that thing to the party and back.] she was getting angry, and that was making me really uncomfortable and confused. i hadn't expected to get into a fight over this. so i said ok, we'll try king solomon's law: we'll cut it into two halves and we can each have a piece. "no! " now, according to king solomon's law that mad eher the true mother of...the, uh, frame... but i could tell she didn't know that so i didn't say anything. then she swore a bit and said i could have it. yeah, i really wanted to get back into a car with her! NOT. not a block down the road, we both say sorry, and she says she's just really frustrated cuz we've been driving around for a half-hour and she'd gotten nothing. i said sorry and said i hadn't realized how frustrated she was. it dawned on me that i had acted like an ass.

i considered trying to let her have the frame, or painting it and then giving it back to her as a gift. i decided the first would only make her feel like i was trying to guilt-trip her by showing how noble i was, and the second would annoy her because then she couldn't paint it herself.

it's always like this with katey. we bond, and then within a week or two we fight about something stupid. so now i don't trust her, and i bet she doesn't trust me either. i don't know how to make it better or if i even want to.

*****

so i was thinking of ideas for the mirror, i though i'd paint it black and then do tuscan accents in gold. the top one was going to have a skull as its centerpiece, and then an infant, a young woman, and an old woman on the other three sides. kind of a reminder not to spend all my time looking in the mirror. but then i thought, no. that's not who i am. right now i think i'm a vain, stupid girl because i'm having a bad time, but it's NOT going to last. who i am is...PINK. and swirly. and that's how the mirror frame is getting painted. i matched paint chips to the three shades of pink in the batik tapestry in our living room, and went to town. i pretty much always paint with my fingers and mix colors on my arms, so i get reeeeeeal messy. it feels good to scrub later and see the dirt fall off in big clumps.

you see? this will not last. i will feel better.

and maybe i will work things out with oster, and maybe i won't. more on that later, einz.