So I've been working on things about myself a lot this last year. Getting my shit together and figuring out why I'm the cause of my own problems. There is one thing that hovers all over all other things.
I need to quit being a Nice Guy.
No, not stop being nice. I am a nice guy, I always will be, and I like that; there are a shortage of nice guys around this world. I'm going to stop being a Nice Guy. Stop appeasing everyone all the time and going to enormous lengths to do it even if it puts me at disadvantages and spreads my resources thin. Stop putting other's feelings, needs, and time over my own in an effort to assure people "like" me. But not in any way that makes me not a nice guy, just in ways that exercise my self-respect, to myself and to others.
What I really mean is I'm going to work on understanding that I can't please all people all the time, and efforts to do so can make me look foolish or needy. Sometimes it's ok to say no to people when I truly am not in a position to lend myself in whatever way is required. And that's totally ok.
And more than anything I'm learning it's ok to get angry. No, not the kind of unhinged, unfounded table-flipping angry that insecure alpha male dickheads exhibit when juiced up on Pabst at the local watering hole. I mean the kind of everyday anger that occurs from minor slights or incidents during interactions with people. The kind that should be expressed to others if and when it occurs; hell, angry may even be too strong a word. In the past I've just swallowed that feeling, made a bitter pill and let it stew in me. Constantly doing that not only has made me a rug in the past, it's made me appear that way to others in day to day interactions. It's ok to be upset with people and it's ok to let them know. It's not about disrespecting anyone else, it's about not disrespecting yourself. This ties directly into that whole "pleasing people all the time" thing I was talking about.
I think simply being aware of this behavior is enough to start changing it. Self-realization is what it's all about. And the more I seem to find it, the better I feel about myself. I think for the first time I'm starting to have self confidence. I dig it. And I'm going to keep working towards it.
And I'm going to keep being a nice guy. Just not a Nice Guy.
I need to quit being a Nice Guy.
No, not stop being nice. I am a nice guy, I always will be, and I like that; there are a shortage of nice guys around this world. I'm going to stop being a Nice Guy. Stop appeasing everyone all the time and going to enormous lengths to do it even if it puts me at disadvantages and spreads my resources thin. Stop putting other's feelings, needs, and time over my own in an effort to assure people "like" me. But not in any way that makes me not a nice guy, just in ways that exercise my self-respect, to myself and to others.
What I really mean is I'm going to work on understanding that I can't please all people all the time, and efforts to do so can make me look foolish or needy. Sometimes it's ok to say no to people when I truly am not in a position to lend myself in whatever way is required. And that's totally ok.
And more than anything I'm learning it's ok to get angry. No, not the kind of unhinged, unfounded table-flipping angry that insecure alpha male dickheads exhibit when juiced up on Pabst at the local watering hole. I mean the kind of everyday anger that occurs from minor slights or incidents during interactions with people. The kind that should be expressed to others if and when it occurs; hell, angry may even be too strong a word. In the past I've just swallowed that feeling, made a bitter pill and let it stew in me. Constantly doing that not only has made me a rug in the past, it's made me appear that way to others in day to day interactions. It's ok to be upset with people and it's ok to let them know. It's not about disrespecting anyone else, it's about not disrespecting yourself. This ties directly into that whole "pleasing people all the time" thing I was talking about.
I think simply being aware of this behavior is enough to start changing it. Self-realization is what it's all about. And the more I seem to find it, the better I feel about myself. I think for the first time I'm starting to have self confidence. I dig it. And I'm going to keep working towards it.
And I'm going to keep being a nice guy. Just not a Nice Guy.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
dextermorgan:
Hear, hear!
baudot:
By "n the works" I'm going to assume you mean "in my intestines". to which I must say your sacrifice is made for the good of all and is appreciated.