Life is weird. One moment I'm happy, another I'm miserable. It'd be nice to even out, but the pressures coming at me are testing me.
After doing this whole online dating lookaround thing I'm not so sure if I'm really cut out for it or not. It just seems like a meat market where the best looking are going to win and the rest are screwed. That could be the bitterness talking though. Perhaps I should just give it up for now.
Looks like no financial aid for this fall. Some sort of paperwork/bureaucracy thing. So that means fiscally speaking I'm fucked. I'm going to drop all but the one class series I need to take to finish up my AAS this school year and start pounding the pavement for a job as the one I have now will lay me off in another six weeks or so. That should be fun considering I'm in a college town with no real industry other than service. I'm going to file for unemployment when the layoff hits and for food stamps right now and start eliminating excesses in my life. I don't really live high on the hog, so if I can scrape by that'll be ok with me. First thing to go is the cable and phone. I don't really watch tv and no-one calls me so those two can easily go. I'll see if I can sign up for assistance with the gas company so I can at least heat the place this winter and not freeze. I can probably park the car and drop the insurance. That'll mean taking the bus and walking, but I'm ok with that. I'll be pretty bummed to not be able to go to Portland to see friends anymore, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
After doing this whole online dating lookaround thing I'm not so sure if I'm really cut out for it or not. It just seems like a meat market where the best looking are going to win and the rest are screwed. That could be the bitterness talking though. Perhaps I should just give it up for now.
Looks like no financial aid for this fall. Some sort of paperwork/bureaucracy thing. So that means fiscally speaking I'm fucked. I'm going to drop all but the one class series I need to take to finish up my AAS this school year and start pounding the pavement for a job as the one I have now will lay me off in another six weeks or so. That should be fun considering I'm in a college town with no real industry other than service. I'm going to file for unemployment when the layoff hits and for food stamps right now and start eliminating excesses in my life. I don't really live high on the hog, so if I can scrape by that'll be ok with me. First thing to go is the cable and phone. I don't really watch tv and no-one calls me so those two can easily go. I'll see if I can sign up for assistance with the gas company so I can at least heat the place this winter and not freeze. I can probably park the car and drop the insurance. That'll mean taking the bus and walking, but I'm ok with that. I'll be pretty bummed to not be able to go to Portland to see friends anymore, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
FUCK, sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to take the boring, easy, cushy path in life, but fuck it.
I can offer this one little bit of hope regarding the online dating thing. I've actually spent some great time with two gals I met online when I first moved to this new town.
While neither of them turned into the love of my life, they both had one thing in common to say about me (and I'm sure it goes double for you too...)
I gave THEM hope. I wasn't like all the other shirtless d-bags on the sites that 89% of the women seem to go for. They actually had some depth to them and appreciated me for ME. Not my appearance or slim body (hah!) or anything else.
While it can be brutally crushing to your self confidence and ego, it's possible to find those rare cases where people are more interested in what's inside you, rather then what's on the outside. Just try not to get a bloody head while bashing it against that pole of low self esteem if you do keep it up.
Nothing good comes easy, right?
At least, nothing that comes easy is ever really valued, is it?
Keep strong. You've been an inspiration to me for the last few years... possibly more. So don't you quit, else who else will I have to look up to?