smp04j

One thing I am really learning to hate is how unavailable I've made myself.

I isolated myself from my friends, and from society as a whole, for so long that now that I'm a relatively free spirit, I really don't have anyone available to me.

I mean, I'm still not very availble, what with the single parenting, full time job, and full time school-- time to maintain a physical friendship is incredibly limited; not to mention my interests are so fragmented and unlikable that most people can't sit through a conversation that I would find to be enriching...

I really realize how alone I am at 10 am when I want to go eat breakfast and chat with someone, and there is no one to eat and chat with.

And at 7 pm when I want to meet and chat with someone, and the only friends I have left are getting ready for a drunk-fest that starts at 11 pm. I go to bed at 11 pm...

Somehow I've grown up faster than my old peer group.

I know it won't be long before I finish school, jump start my career, and find a new peer group with realistic life expectations. I'm usually fine with that, but these random 10 am blows to the ego seem to catch me off guard every time.